8^th July 2014 

I tried to study, but I really couldn’t be bothered. I would often ask myself, “What were grades to me at this point in time? There’s so many things I can do in this world, besides studying, so why did I have to waste my time studying?”

I found studying to be a drag, I found it useless. I would rather lie in bed all day and do nothing.

19^th July 2014

I have been burying myself in books for the past week, trying to forget everything else that was around me. I didn’t know why I was studying but I remember feeling desperate. Perhaps I was trying to distract myself from something else that was bubbling at the bottom of my stomach. But suppressing usually doesn’t help reduce an explosion, in fact, it builds up even more pressure. I didn’t understand why I studied so much, it didn’t really help and my mind was cramped. At the end of the day, it was just an urge to satisfy a craving of mine.

22^nd July 2014

I completely burnt out. It was as if I had died.

My life of light had been slowly burning down on a candle for the past few days and finally, all the wax was gone. And so was my light.

Everything seemed dark. I couldn’t really think, or feel.

I just stared into nothing for a while – I wouldn’t know how long that ‘while’ was if you’d ask me though.

I didn’t do anything for a while – again, I wouldn’t know how long. I don’t like counting time. That is painful to watch time pass, so I stopped caring about time a long time ago. I don’t even have a watch on me – I hate watches.

After a while, I started loosening up again and my conscience came back to me slowly. I wasn’t completely sure of the reason why I was doing that, but boy, was I glad that my parents were at work. 

《 燃烧的蜡烛 》 -> Burning Candle