"Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity...true love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis.."

-- The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

In a pocha somewhere in Seoul, Mino had downed another shot of soju. He had gone for another night out with friends. Beside him, a worried Ji-hoon stared at his sorry drunk state and mumbled, "You know -- you can't keep avoiding this"

Mino glanced at P.O. and ignored him.

The rapper knew this all too well but didn't have the balls to say it. Face him. And do the unthinkable.

He couldn't really pinpoint when exactly it began. All he remembered was a few months ago, two horrible feelings emerged out of nowhere.

Boredom and exhaustion.

He ignored it at first. Hoping it was just a phase in their relationship. But as weeks passed, he couldn't shake it off and it eventually drove an invisible wedge between him and his lover.

It started out gradually with the small things. The rapper started to message and call less frequently. Clearly sounding more impatient and disinterested in their exchanges. Finishing calls sooner than usual. Then, the errands and the favors for Jinwoo began to feel like too much work. Encroaching on his personal time. And finally, his ual appetite began to wane and his night outs started to become more frequent.

It was partly due to the fact that everything had strarted to become so familiar that it didn't excite nor make him tingly and giddy anymore. He had lost the fire and spark that gave him so much energy when they had jus started.

Love had lost its luster and started to feel like a chore.

But it was also because he was just sooo damn tired. For sure, Jinwoo was kind, considerate, beautiful, and funny but the man was also emotionally needy. He could do things solo but constantly dependent on Mino to fulfill his emotional demands. If he was feeling insecure or unhappy, the rapper had to constantly be present to provide reassurance, validation, and comfort.

He knew lovers were suppose to be there for one another. But he also knew that each individual had to possess a certain level of emotional self-reliance. The younger man could barely take care of his own mental health, what more two people?

Yet Mino really couldn't find the courage to say these feelings directly to his lover. Not wanting to hurt him or worse abandon him. But the feelings persisted nonetheless with a ton of fear and guilt in the mix. He had made a promise to his bandmate to always love him and never hurt him, and was certain back then that his feelings would never change. But here he was a now, betraying those words. And so for the past months, he did what most cowards would do, hide in ponchas in Seoul and forget all the unpleasant emotions through alcohol.

"Mino, it's not as if this is any less painful than talking to him about it" Ji-hoon continued. "I'd imagine this is just as bad because you're keeping him in the dark by dodging him."

The rapper glared at his friend. What part of avoidance and drowning out your troubles did his friend not get? 

"Shouting at each other doesn't count" P.O. continued, quickly reading his friend's mind.

"Can you shut the up?" he growled.

Ji-hoon smiled and shook his head, "No, sorry."

The mojiri suddenly stood up, bumping on the chairs and tables around him. Disrupting the conversation among their other friends who were now staring at him in silent suprise.

"I'm leaving" he grumbled and dumped a wad of cash on the table. Leaving his group without looking back nor saying a proper good bye.

"Is he going to be alright?" one of their friends asked.

"I hope so" Ji-hoon sighed.

TBC