#HAppyTAOday

150502, Qingdao time.

One whole month since the last time already. Almost two weeks since that issue has started. These latest days have been so hard and painful that I thought I would not have the power to write anything but, I guess because it’s YOUR day, I will do it anyway.

0502

I’ve never thought that this day would become so special, so precious, I’ve never thought I’d grow this attached to someone, I’ve never thought I’d get inspired by someone, until you came into my life. I’ve never thought of so many other things, but when you came, I’ve learned so much, I’ve changed in so many ways, thanks to you. I’ve tried before though. I’ve tried to become someone different, more confident, someone that accepts the challenges and takes responsibilities, but I’ve always ended up losing hope. I still have a long way to go, I still have so many things I want to achieve and so many changes I want to make, but now I can say that I won’t surrender, that I won’t give up, now I can feel that I’ve found the correct road because all what I’ve been doing for so long was searching in vain for the exit of this maze. Now I’ve found the way and this is all thanks to you.

I’ve become someone who can give without expecting anything in return. I’ve understood the real meaning of loving with no boundaries, loving unconditionally. I’ve known what making sacrifices does really mean, and how the world can be much brighter if we just learn to give. You’ve taught me that every day is a promising chirpier day, that every hardship is a valuable meaningful opportunity that can make us stronger. You’ve taught me that even the saddest moments can be treasured, that we only need to always look at the bright side, and that in the deepest darkness, there’s always a glimpse of light. I’ve learned that it’s okay to break down and that crying doesn’t make you any less strong but that you always have to stand up again and face the world. I’ve learned how to laugh, to enjoy every second in this life, everything I do, how to chase my dreams and work hard to reach them. I’ve learned that some things are harder than others but everything is possible, everything is doable, because “There is nothing in this world impossible for us ”. But above all, you’ve made me ’want’ to be a better person. So thank you, because with no will, there are no possibilities. Thank you, from the deepest depth of my heart, for everything.

I might sound like exaggerating but no, I literally mean every word I’m writing and I have to admit that I won’t write most of the things I want to say because I have a mental block right now it feels like trying to write down all the thoughts of 3 years in just one day and I don’t know how I can avoid messing up everything and I already know I’ll end up with a clumsy writing, I have no clue why I keep doing the same thing every year even though it seems pointless because I always fail to put things into proper words and I have no clue why I have mixed feelings and why I’m getting butterflies in the stomach and tears in the eyes while doing it and it feels so insane but I’m doing it anyway.

I hope we keep on celebrating this day together every year. ‘Together’, I mean it, because distance has never been an excuse and no matter how far we are, all what really matters is that I’m here for you like you’ve always been standing tall for yourself, and for all of us. I wanted to be there today, with the 150 lucky HLs, just you and HLs, just thinking of it warms my heart and even though I could not attend, I’m greatly touched because it was supposed to be YOUR day but all what you can do is think about us. You’re a treasure. I might not see you this year nor the next. Maybe I’ll never meet you in person and I know how to make the difference between reality and fiction, but I’ll keep cheering on you from a distance, and I’ll keep watching over you from afar, I’ll do all what I can to protect you. I will always be your loyal Hailang, one of the millions of waves in the deep full of contradictions ocean that you are, and I will not leave, not even for a second. I’ve been watching you grow since 3 years, and I’m not the only one who has changed. We’ve both changed. You’ve grown up. But you know, some things are just incurable, some traits of you will always remain the same, and you know what? I love the old and the new