Yes, this is a double update. 

............

SEULGI

Seulgi insisted on making breakfast, though by the time they got downstairs it was long past breakfast time. Toast was probably the safest thing on her personal menu, but she decided to be wild and go for the closest thing she had to a specialty: omelets. She burned half of one and the second one took on a bizarre shape that could have been anything from a deformed whale to a tail-less cat. It occurred to Seulgi that she cooked the way Jisoo drew. The thought made her smirk.

They ate out on the terrace, and she alternated between looking around – at the house, at the blue-green ocean, at the glistening waters of the pool – and staring at Jisoo. She must have done something right in a past life to merit all of this. Even the weather was smiling down on her. But she still felt anxious. A bit how she imagined Cinderella must have felt the night of the ball. The clock had to strike midnight eventually.

“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?” Jisoo asked.

“Were we supposed to have dinner apart?”

“Well, no. I just meant... at a restaurant. You know, out there.” She waved her hand in the general direction of the world at large.

“Where the flashing cameras are?”

“If it bothers you—“

“It doesn’t,” Seulgi said quickly. “I just thought that you’d want to lay low.”

“What I want is to live my life,” Jisoo said, “with you.”

“Are you proposing? Baekhyun warned me this might move fast, that’s they way lesbians act.”

Jisoo threw a balled up napkin at her, which only made it halfway across the table. “I’m asking you on a date.”

“Your aim is terrible. But I accept.” 

“The wind cheated. And good.”

“Are we going someplace nice? I didn’t bring anything fancy to wear.”

Jisoo grinned and reached for her phone. “Manuel is going to love you,” she said, after a few seconds of typing.

Was that a yes to the fancy? “Manuel?” she asked. Seulgi had a feeling things were spinning out of her control. She’d had the distinct displeasure of accompanying Sehun on a couple of his parents’ elite dinner parties and events, but those had been few and far between. Her idea of a fancy dinner was going to the Olive Garden. What constituted “fancy” in Jisoo’s estimation was anyone’s guess.

“He’s my go-to guy when it comes to matters of playing dress-up.” 

“Oh.” So yes to the fancy.

Jisoo put the phone down, looking serious. “Is this too much? We can do something else.”

There were graver hardships than being spoiled by your girlfriend, Seulgi decided. Besides, she wanted to see more of Jisoo’s life. She felt like she was only beginning to scrape the surface, and she wanted to know it all. “Are you trying to back out of our date, Ms. Kim?”

Jisoo smiled. “Never.”

“Then I’m up for anything.”

“Anything, huh?”

Seulgi grinned, thoughts of their shower together dancing through her mind. “Anything.” 

“Good to know.”

They were too far away, Seulgi thought. The table between them seemed longer than it had before. Was this what being addicted to someone felt like? “What time is your meeting?”

“Three,” Jisoo said, regret in her voice. “I should probably get ready.”

“Probably. Would you like some help? I’m getting really good at taking your clothes off.” Jisoo’s smile was all the answer she needed.

***

JISOO

Jisoo had never considered herself to be a happy person. She wasn’t dark or prone to bouts of depression. But she wasn’t bubbly or bouncy or cheerful. She had, up until very recently, considered herself to be level-headed, with her moods always in check, her emotions under control. That is, of course, until Seulgi; until love.

Love brought with it a world of unfamiliarity, full of actions without reason, spontaneous decisions, illogical choices. She pondered these on her way to the studio. She thought of her first email to Seulgi and how ludicrous it had seemed at the time; how ludicrous it still seemed, regardless of how well it all turned out.

In retrospect, none of it made sense to her. She’d acted on impulse from the very beginning, right from the moment she saw Seulgi’s artwork on the sidewalk. She’d fallen in love, then, without knowing it, without realizing how long she yet had to fall.

She was still falling, she acknowledged, and the thought brought with it a flurry of emotions, all of which boiled down to a single, indisputable fact: She was happy; happy in a sweeping, deep-rooted way that made her feel, for the first time ever, truly alive. It was love, then, not fame or fortune that made her feel worthwhile. It was love that made her feel, at last, like she had purpose. Love: the one thing she’d been avoiding most of her life.

She laughed at the irony. The light turned red and she the radio and she turned up the sound and she tapped her thumbs on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. And in the car next to her, a little boy pressed his nose against the glass of the window, and she smiled at him and did the same. When he laughed she laughed with him.

Everything would be okay, she thought, as the light turned green.

***

Jackson snapped a picture of her the moment Jisoo stepped out of her car. He was grinning from ear to ear. “I’m putting this in my scrapbook under, ‘Jisoo loses her ity.’”

“What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to frown at him, but failing. The truth was, she couldn’t stop smiling, and her jaw was beginning to hurt. She was embarrassed by how transparent she must look.

“It’s a long story that involves drunkenness, disorderly conduct and a biker named Bubba Joe. Want to hear it?”

“On second thought, no. Where’s Rosé?”

“Inside, with Jiyong. You’re late.”

“I’m not late.” She checked the time on her cell phone just to make sure.

“So how was it?” Jackson leaned against her car and crossed his arms. “Mind-blowing? I bet it was mind-blowing.”

“You know I’m not going to answer that.”

“You don’t have to. It’s all over your face. Look at you, you can’t stop smiling.” He snapped another picture. “So cute.”

Jisoo turned and started walking toward the building; mostly so that Jackson couldn’t see that she was blushing. Already she was certain that getting through this meeting would be challenging. She had very vivid, alluring images playing in her head that were likely not going away any time soon. Every time her mind wandered she was instantly back in bed with Seulgi. Each touch, each kiss, each sensation replayed across her mind in high definition.

“Good luck in there!” Jackson called after her. She was going to need it.

***

SEULGI

Seulgi spent most of the afternoon sitting on a lounge chair by the pool, her sketchpad open in front of her. Occasionally, she would draw, but mostly, she stared out at the ocean and thought. She understood now what the professor had meant by finding passion. It wasn’t about ; not exactly. It was about desire. It was about wanting. It was about allowing herself to want.

She’d become complaisant over the years. She’d become fearful of her family’s disapproval. Their lack of support had worn her down. And she’d let it. She’d stood by and let the doubt seep in, take root and fester. Little by little she’d tried to fit the mold of their expectations.

She’d joined the art program because she’d wanted to, but she had hesitated. It would have been easier to choose a different career path; to choose the career path her mother wanted her to. Be a doctor, she’d said, time and time again. Be a lawyer. Make money. You can paint in your free time. And she had understood the logic in it all.

“It’s your life,” Joy had said, when Seulgi admitted that she wasn’t sure what to do. “You’re the one that has to live it. If you make the wrong choices at least you know they were yours.” She saw the logic in that, too.

In the end, she’d joined the art program because she’d wanted to, but she’d punished herself all the same. The burden of her mother’s disapproval was a constant weight around her shoulders. Then she’d met Sehun and Sehun became her compromise. She’d loved him, certainly, but what she loved most was the way her mother’s eyes lit up when he was with her. She loved the way Seunghyun beamed with pride. It felt like at last she’d made a choice her family could be proud of.

Still, she hadn’t been happy. She wasn’t sure she’d known what happiness was until that very morning. She’d finally let go of the doubt and the uncertainty and the lingering what- ifs. She’d let go because she’d seen no doubts in Jisoo’s eyes and for the first time ever she understood that she wasn’t alone. A day or two earlier, she would have felt presumptuous in thinking that Jisoo felt exactly as she did. But she’d seen it; more so, she’d felt it. And everything else fell into place.

If she’d chosen the path of least resistance she would not have made the sketch now hanging in Jisoo’s wall. She would not be sitting there now, staring at the ocean. She would be somewhere else entirely. She might be someone else entirely. She had made the right decisions after all, but there were still many to be made. She would have to find the courage to stand up to her family eventually. She would have to tell them, not only about Jisoo, but about herself. Label or no label, biual or gay, Jisoo or no Jisoo, the truth remained the same. She was who she was. She loved who she loved. And hiding it made it no less true.

She ached for her paintbrushes and the realization made her smile.

***

JISOO

“I think that went really well,” Jiyong said, as they stepped back out into the sunlight.

Jisoo slipped on her sunglasses and regarded her agent with a smile. The meeting had gone well, perhaps even better than that. She’d forgotten how badly she wanted this role and how much the opportunity meant to her. “I think it did, too.”

“I can tell,” Jiyong said, and grinned at her. “You look radiant.”

The comment made her pause and she looked behind her to make sure they were alone. “Hey, have you talked to Cynthia?”

“She left a few messages but I haven’t gotten around to checking them,” he said. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Jisoo hesitated. Outing herself to Jiyong hadn’t been on her to-do list for the day. She thought the news would make its way to him sooner or later and she was in no hurry to deal with his reaction. But it was wrong not to tell him herself. “That depends entirely on your perspective,” she said. She was stalling. They were alone, but she didn’t know for how much longer. “I’m gay,” she said, before she could think better of it.

“No, you’re not,” he said, without missing a beat. His reaction startled and confused her.

“I am.”

“No,” he said, almost impatiently. “Kim Jisoo, the actress I represent, is not gay.” He hesitated, then sighed, and looked around before continuing. “Look, I get that this is a big thing for you and that maybe you’re hoping I hug you and tell you I’m proud. But you need to put the pride flag back in that secret place you’ve had it this whole time and focus. It’s not a good time. And I don’t mean right this second, standing in a parking lot. I mean it’s not a good time in your career.”

She let his words register before replying. “You knew?”

“No,” he said, “but that’s beside the point. Do you get what I’m saying to you? This film is your ticket forward. You want people to focus less on your looks and more on your acting talent? Well, this is your big chance. If you’re out people will attack you because of it and the gays will love you because you’re part of them, of course. But you don’t want fans to love you because you’re pretty or gay, you want them to see more than that, you want them to see you and love you because of your talent. Don’t it up.”

****

SEULGI

Seulgi wandered back into the house and stood in the living room for a long while. She wanted to take it all in, all the small details that made this Jisoo’s home. She wondered at all the decisions Jisoo had made. Why this house? Why this couch? Why that table? She glanced at the photographs along the wall and made her way to them. Looking at them only raised more questions.

She knew the biographic minutiae of Jisoo’s life. Kim Jisoo... Her mother had died when she was four and her father had remarried shortly thereafter. Jisoo had been raised by her grandmother. But the facts told her little. They didn’t tell her how Jisoo felt. Seulg stopped in front of the photograph of Jisoo’s mother and her thoughts drifted to the woman in the photo. What had she been thinking in that one captured moment? What had she been trying to say?

She sat on the floor and opened her sketchpad to a fresh page. She began to draw the features of the woman’s face. She tried to capture the intensity of her expression. She lost track of time.

The sound of Jisoo’s voice startled her. “You know you’re allowed to sit on the furniture.”

Seulgi hadn’t heard her come in and as she stared down at the drawing she’d made, she worried that she’d crossed a line without realizing it. Her first instinct was to close the notebook and put it away, but she couldn’t bring herself to hide it. She took a breath and looked up. “The floor is very comfy, you should try it.”

Jisoo sat down. “I think your ’s broken if you think this is comfortable.”

“My is working perfectly well, thank you,” Seulgi said. “It’s yours that’s confused.” Instead of answering, Jisoo leaned over and kissed her. It was a short kiss, but it made Seulgi smile. “Is that your way of shutting me up?”

“It’s my way of saying that I missed you and that I’m really glad to be home.” Jisoo noticed the sketchpad on Seulgis’ lap. “What have you been up to?”

Seulgi hesitated, though there was little point in trying to hide anything now. She handed it over. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what compelled me.”

Jisoo stared at the drawing for a long time and then up at the photograph, and back again. “I never realized that she looked so sad in that picture.”

Seulgi didn’t know how to respond to that, so she said nothing. A part of her was still worried that she’d done something wrong.

“Can I keep this?” Jisoo asked.

“Of course,” Seulgi said, surprised. She wanted to say more than that. She wanted to say that Jisoo could have anything; that she didn’t even have to ask. Instead, she found herself asking, “Do you miss her a lot?” The question sounded stupid aloud and she wished she could go back and start the sentence over.

“I don’t know,” Jisoo said, and though her voice sounded as it always did, her eyes looked troubled. “I miss the idea of her, I think. I don’t remember her to miss her.”

Seulgi knew that she was prying, but Jisoo didn’t seem to mind, and there were still so many questions Seulgi wanted answered. She stirred the words around her head, trying to think of how to phrase what she wanted to know. “I read that she died in a car accident...”

Jisoo looked at her and then she looked away. “She chased a bottle of pills with a bottle of vodka and then went for a drive.”

Seulgi felt like the air had been knocked out of her.

“I’ve never told anyone that,” Jisoo said, and looked at her. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“No,” she said, finding her voice. “I’m glad you did.”

“You don’t have to feel awkward about what to say. It was a long time ago.”

“My Dad left a long time ago and my mom’s not over it. Hell, I’m not over it.”

Jisoo didn’t answer right away. She was still staring thoughtfully at Seulgi’s drawing. “Why did your Dad leave?”

The question caught her off-guard. She thought they were talking about Jisoo. “He was in love with someone else.”

“Are they still together?”

“They got married about six years ago. She asked me to be a bridesmaid but I refused. I refused to even go.”

“Because you were still angry?”

“Because it would’ve hurt my mom too much.” Seulgi sighed. “I think she’s still in love with him. I think my Dad was the love of her life. She’s never going to forgive him and she’s never going to let him go.”

“And you?”

“Me?”

“Have you forgiven him?”

It was a loaded question and one that she didn’t have an answer for. There were days when she did forgive him and regretted that they weren’t closer. Then there were days when she thought of how heartbroken he’d left her mother and the anger would rise anew. “Have you forgiven yours?”

“My father?” Jisoo asked, as if the question shocked her. She stared thoughtfully at the floor. “I never thought about it in those terms.”

Seulgi wondered what Jisoo did think about. “Last night you said that maybe part of the reason you changed your name was to get back at him.”

Instead of answering, Jisoo held up the drawing Seulgi had made. She looked at it silently for a long time before saying, “She didn’t love him.”

“Your mother?”

“She didn’t want to get married. She wanted to travel around the world. She wanted to see things and meet people and take photographs. But my grandpa wanted her to settle down. He insisted on it. He was ill and he wanted to see my mother married before he died. He introduced her to my father. He convinced her to give up her dreams. My father loved her, but he knew that she didn’t love him back. So, when she died he blamed himself. How could he not? So, in the end, it makes no difference if I forgive him or not. He has to forgive himself.”

Seulgi didn’t respond right away. There were too many thoughts flying around her head to settle on just one. She couldn’t help but think of her own family. She had never considered that her father might have been miserable staying with her mother. One of the two would always be the heartbroken one.

And then she thought about Jisoo’s mother settling for a man she didn’t love. And how, if she hadn’t, then there would have been no Kim Jisoo. And if she’d lived, then there would be no her Kim Jisoo. And it felt like an awful, selfish thing to think, so she pushed the thought away and said, “Perhaps it would make no difference, but maybe he needs to hear that you forgive him. Maybe he thinks that you blame him.” When Jisoo didn’t say anything, Seulgi asked, “Do you blame him?”

When Jisoo looked at her, she realized she’d never seen her look so unguarded before. “I don’t blame any of them,” Jisoo said. “My grandfather thought he was doing the right thing for my mother. My mother thought she was doing the right thing for my grandfather. And my father was blinded by love.”

It seemed unfair to her that Jisoo should be the one to pay the consequences of all of those bad decisions. They had all been selfish; her grandfather for standing in the way of his daughter’s dreams; her mother for leaving Jisoo motherless. And her father for letting a woman he supposedly loved give everything up for him when she didn’t want to. How could Jisoo not blame them?

“You look upset,” Jisoo said.

“I’m angry for you,” she admitted. “It just ... feels unfair.” To her surprise, Jisoo smiled. She felt Jisoo’s hand on her own and the touch calmed her.

“Unfair or not, I’m happy now,” she said. “And sure, there are times when my heart breaks for my father and for my mother. And it makes me sad that I was not reason enough to keep her in this world. And there are times when I miss my grandmother so much I can hardly breathe. And there used to be times when I blamed them all for leaving me. But there’s no sense in dwelling on things that can’t be changed.”

Seulgi was sure that Jisoo wanted to believe that, and that maybe, to an extent, she did. But she was also sure that there was more to it than that. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, Jisoo was hurting.

“How was your day?” Jisoo asked, before Seulgi had a chance to comment.

Seulgi wanted to protest the change of subject. She wanted to know more about the heartbreak and the blame and all the other stuff Jisoo kept locked away. She wanted to know it all; all the good and the bad and the messy and the complicated. She wanted to understand all the secret parts of her, to lay out the pieces of Jisoo’s life like a jigsaw puzzle and put them all back together again. She wanted to know how to make her happy; truly, deeply happy, if such a thing were possible. But maybe now was not the time. 

“My day was ...” And she thought of the hours spent staring at the ocean. “Peaceful. How was your meeting?”

Jisoo brightened at the question. “It went well,” she said. “Really well.”

“So, it’s official? Should we celebrate?”

“As official as it’s going to get until the papers are signed.”

Seulgi could see the excitement in Jisoo’s eyes and it made her smile. “I’m really happy for you.”

“I came out to Jiyong,” Jisoo said.

“Who?”

“My agent.”

“Right.” Seulgi tried to gauge Jisoo’s feelings on the subject, but couldn’t tell if the news was good or bad. “What did he say?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know.” Jisoo sighed and her grip on Seulgi’s hand loosened. “I know that I’m famous for all the wrong reasons. I’m famous because people think I’m good looking and because they like to know what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with. The cameras follow me because people love to gossip about me. Jiyong says if I come out now that no one will care about anything else. It won’t matter what movies I make or how well I act in them. My personal life will forever be front and center.”

Seulgi hesitated, but said, “Jisoo, I’m scared just to tell my family. I can’t imagine what it must be like to worry about how the entire nation is going to feel about it and how their feelings would impact my career. It makes my brain hurt, honestly.”

“It makes my brain hurt, too.” 

“So, what do you want to do?”

“I want to kiss you,” Jisoo said. “And then take you out to dinner. And then take you in my bed.”

Seulgi smiled and leaned forward to brush her lips against Jisoo’s. Her stomach fluttered at the touch. “I am very okay with those plans.”

***

If Seulgi was Cinderella, then Manuel was her Fairy Godmother. He walked up to her the moment he entered the house and looked her up and down and twirled her around and he said, “Hmm,” a lot. And then he smiled. “You’re going to look beautiful.”

Seulgi arched an eyebrow at Jisoo. “We’re going to a restaurant, right? Not to a palace or anything?”

Jisoo smiled in reply. “Humor me.”

So, Seulgi humored her because she could see that it made Jisoo happy, and there was nothing she wanted more than to make Jisoo happy. The details of Jisoo’s past swirled around her head as she tried on dress after beautiful dress, and she tried to focus on the present. There was no price tag on any of the dresses and the fact made her uncomfortable. “I’m scared to ask,” she said, while staring at her reflection, “but how much does a dress like this cost?”

Manuel had kicked Jisoo out of the bedroom, so they were alone. “For everyone else, it is $1200,” he said, “but for Jisoo, it’s free.”

The price shocked her. “Why free? Because she’s famous?”

Manuel snorted. “Please. If I gave dresses out for free to all famous people I’d have no business. Didn’t Jisoo tell you?”

“Tell me?”

“No, I suppose not. She owns my store. Well, she bought it and then she gave it to me.” 

“She gave it to you?”

Manuel looked her up and down and shook his head. “This is not the dress. Next.” He shoved another one into her hands and turned around while she changed. “I used to have a store online and she found it. I was making no money from it and living in my parents’ garage. One day she contacted me and asked if I’d like to design a dress for an event she had to go to. I peed my pants. Then I said yes. She flew me to Los Angeles. And then she asked if I’d like to go into business with her.”

“Jisoo owns a clothing store?”

“I prefer the term boutique,” Manuel said, and turned around to look at her. “And yes. But like I said, she eventually gave it to me. Handed the papers over to me once it became profitable. I tried to buy it from her but she didn’t want money. So, I promised to design for her whenever she needed and come running any time she asked. And here we are.” He eyed her curiously. “She doesn’t usually ask me to come over here for other people.”

Seulgi didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. She adjusted the straps on the dress. It felt tight, but comfortable.

“She’s in love with you.” 

“What?”

“The way she looks at you,” he said, and sighed. When he spoke, his tone was wistful. “I looked at someone that way once.”

“Brad Pitt?”

“George Clooney,” Manuel answered. He grinned. “I like you.” He walked over to her and pulled at the dress this way and that. He cocked his head to the side. “Getting closer, I think.” He grabbed another dress and handed it to her. While she changed, he said, “So.”

“Hmm?”

“You and Jisoo?”

Seulgi had no idea what to say. Were they that obvious? If so, that was a concern. Would Jisoo mind that Manuel had guessed? Was he someone to be trusted?

He smiled. “Don’t worry,” he said, as if her thoughts were audible. “I’d never tell a soul. I always thought there was something a little off about her relationship with Jackson. She looked at him with love, sure, but never with lust. And who wouldn’t look at Jackson Wang with lust? Right?”

Seulgi didn’t know what to say to that, either, so she focused on putting on the latest dress. This one was red wine, sleeveless and lined in silk. It hugged her body like a glove, and when she looked in the mirror she felt like a model.

“With that dress on, you won’t even make it to the restaurant,” Manuel said, and winked.

***

JISOO

“You’re staring at me,” Seulgi said, without looking at her. She sounded amused as she looked out the window of the limo. She was staring, and she didn’t even care. All Jisoo could think about was kissing her shoulders, slipping her hand under that red dress and sliding her palms up the inside of her thigh. “You’ve turned me into a ert,” she said.

Seulgi laughed and Jisoo’s heart danced at the sound. “Oh, so it’s my fault, then?” she asked, turning away from the window.

“I was innocent and al until I met you and now I have all these dirty thoughts in my head.”

“What kind of thoughts?”

Jisoo bit her lip. She was too shy to say.

Seulgi grinned and ran her finger down Jisoo’s arm. “Your bashfulness is endearing, Ms. Kim.”

The contact made Jisoo’s body tingle. She answered Seulgi’s comment with a kiss, sliding close to her until there was no space left between them. Kissing Seulgi always surprised her.

The initial contact was always startling, like the first taste of something long-craved. It soothed some hidden, restless part of her. And while her emotions swirled, her body responded. Her skin burned with the need to touch and be touched. “Whose idea was it to leave the house?”

“Yours,” Seulgi answered, her lips on Jisoo’s neck. “Your perfume drives me crazy. What is it?”

“I have no idea,” Jisoo said, because she couldn’t remember much of anything. Seulgi’s hand was on her thigh, pushing the fabric of her dress slowly upward.

“We could go back,” Seulgi whispered in her ear.

“Yes,” Jisoo said, and wasn’t exactly sure what she was saying yes to. Then she felt the limo roll to a complete stop and a quick glance out the window told her that it was too late. Her driver was already getting out. Any second now, the door would be opened.

“Or not,” Seulgi said, and removed her hand.

“I have the worst ideas ever,” Jisoo mumbled, and straightened out her dress. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Seulgi said, grinning. “ is kind of fun.”

The driver opened the door before Jisoo had a chance to comment further, but she was smiling when she stepped outside. The breeze cooled her burning skin and she was grateful. She took a deep breath.

The restaurant was busy. She could tell by the crowd of people waiting near the entrance. “Will we manage to get a table?” Seulgi asked.

“We have a reservation.” They would have gotten a table without one, but Jisoo didn’t want to say that. She suspected that Seulgi would think it’s unfair if she used her fame to cut in front of people. A year ago, Jisoo wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But these days, she thought about everything.

“Jisoo, thank God.”

Jisoo froze at the sound of the voice. Oh no. No. No.

Her stepmother appeared suddenly before her. “Your father decided he didn’t need a reservation,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He’s over there arguing it out with the maître d’. But, now that you’re here...” She turned around. “Come.”

“This is not happening,” Jisoo whispered. She turned to Seulgi. “I say we make a run for it.”

“Who is that?”

“My stepmother.”

“She’s pretty.”

“She’s Satan.”

“Is that your father?”

His back was to them, but she’d seen him walking away from her enough times to know it was him. “In the flesh.”

“Great day to meet the future in-laws.”

In spite of everything, the comment made Jisoo smile. It gave her hope of a happily ever after. But the hope fizzled the moment her father turned to look at her. She had no idea what he was thinking. Was he happy to see her? Disappointed? Embarrassed that she was witness to some perceived failure? She took a deep breath and walked over to him. “Dad.”

“Sooya,” he said.

How long had it been since they’d seen each other? A year? More? He’d let himself go. His hair was thinning. His belly was rounder than she remembered. This moment didn’t feel real. Her conversation with Seulgi earlier had left her feeling raw. She felt like all of her emotions were bubbling near the surface and that at any moment they would burst.

“Ms. Kim,” said a voice that she didn’t recognize. “Your table for two is ready.”

“Table for four,” said her stepmother. “Really, Jisoo, I don’t know why we insist on eating here. The staff is incompetent.”

Jisoo tightened her jaw. She was at a crossroads and she didn’t know what to do. She glanced at Seulgi who was gazing back at her expectantly. She was about to speak when the maître d’ spoke up.

“Table for four,” he said, smoothly. “My mistake. Right this way.” He led them into the restaurant and Jisoo followed until there was nothing left to do but sit.

She didn’t know how to get out of this. Of all the restaurants in all of Los Angeles, why had she picked this one? More importantly, why had they? The maître d’ slipped a menu into her hands and began discussing their selection of wines. Jisoo took the opportunity to glance apologetically at Seulgi. There was no way this evening could turn out well.

Janet seemed to notice Seulgi for the first time. “Jisoo, aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”

Her father said, “I think I saw you in that movie, no?” He turned to Janet. “With the zombies?”

“Oh yes,” Janet said. “I thought you looked familiar.”

“Janet,” Jisoo said, “Dad. This is Kang Seulgi. She’s actually an artist.” 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Seulgi said.

“Oh, so you weren’t in the movie?” Her father asked. “I could’ve sworn. My name is Perry. This is my wife, Janet.”

“What sort of art do you do?” Janet asked.

“I work a lot with acrylics and charcoal,” Seulgi said.

“She does an amazing work,” Jisoo said. “That’s how we met, actually. I bought a sketch of hers in New York.” It was strange to say that. The words belittled the complexity of their relationship. She wanted to tell them the whole story, from beginning to end, simply so she could relive it.

The waiter interrupted whatever might have been said next. Jisoo’s father ordered a bottle of wine for the table and inquired about the specialties of the day.

This might all turn out okay, Jisoo thought to herself. She perused the menu, feeling too anxious to be hungry. She glanced at Seulgi to make sure she was okay. Jisoo would have to apologize for this. Impromptu dinner with her family was the last thing she’d wanted that evening.

“So, Sooya, I didn’t know you were in town.”

Jisoo regarded her father and tried not to feel annoyed. How would he know where she was? He never bothered to call. “I’ve got a couple of meetings this week,” she said. “Then it’s back to New York.”

“Is Jackson staying with you?” Janet asked. “I read that you’re back together. Is it true?”

Jisoo shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It was not the question that bothered her but where the conversation was headed. She could see the danger signs ahead. “No,” she said.

The waiter arrived with the wine, and Jisoo took a deep breath. She didn’t have to tell them anything. She could sidestep some questions, give some vague answers, change subjects, skip dessert and get out of there as soon as possible.

“Your poor father has to find out about your life second hand,” Janet said. “It would be nice if you checked in once in a while, for his sake.”

“And I would,” Jisoo said, before she could stop herself, “but I got tired of always getting his voicemail.”

“Let’s not talk about this here,” her father said.

“By all means, let’s save it for the next time we see each other,” Jisoo said. “In five years.”

“Sooya.” His tone was a warning.

She was angry. She was angry and she was hurt and she wanted to lash out at him. She wanted to tell him exactly what she felt, even if she still didn’t know exactly what that was. She wanted to shout at him until she found the right words to convey her pain. But what difference would it make to say these things now? What purpose would it serve beyond creating a scene?

Janet picked up her drink and swirled the red liquid around the glass before speaking. “So, what happened with Jackson?”

Jisoo considered not answering, but she didn’t see what good would come out of ignoring the question. More would certainly follow. She chose her words carefully. “Nothing happened with Jackson,” she said. “We’re friends.”

“Nonsense,” Janet said. “A man and a woman can’t be just friends.” 

“They can when one of them is gay.”

Janet lowered her glass. “Is Jackson gay?”

“No, I am.” Jisoo had meant to say something else, something to steer the conversation away from her personal life, but the truth seemed so much simpler. Three words. Three monosyllabic words. She felt weightless. Her anger dissipated.

And then Janet spoke. “Don’t be ridiculous.” 

“That’s not even remotely funny,” said her father.

Jisoo looked at Seulgi, trying to find encouragement in her eyes or maybe just permission. She found both. “It’s not a joke,” she said. “I’m a lesbian. Seulgi is my girlfriend. We’re in love.”

“Stop talking like that, or people are going to hear you.”

“I don’t care,” Jisoo said sharply, and she was surprised to find that she meant it. “It’s the truth. I’m gay.”

“Sooya—“

“Jisoo,” she interrupted. “It’s Jisoo now, Dad. You know, like mom.”

“Yes,” said Janet. “And I’m sure she’s glad she offed herself when she did so she wouldn’t have to suffer the shame of having you as her daughter.”

Jisoo had no time to react. She registered movement out of the corner of her eye and before she could make out what exactly was happening, she saw a flash of red followed by the sound of liquid meeting skin. The wine hit Janet square in the face, splashed into her hair and spilled down onto her designer blouse.

Her father jumped to his feet. Janet flailed her hands in front of her face. Several people glanced over at the commotion. Jisoo turned her head to find Seulgi still holding the empty glass. There was a look in her eye that said she was two seconds from crawling over the table and strangling Janet. 

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” Jisoo told her.

Seulgi nodded and the two of them excused themselves without a word. The maître d’ called out to her as they hurried past his station, but Jisoo was too busy texting her driver to answer his questions. She’d leave the explanations to her father.

The limo pulled up a few seconds after they stepped outside and they climbed aboard. “Take us home, please,” she told the driver, and then raised the partition. For several seconds, neither of them said anything.

“I don’t know what came over me,” Seulgi said at last. “I’m sorry. It’s just ... what she said to you ... it was just so ... I just wanted to stab her with the butter knife.” Jisoo started laughing, which only made Seulgi stare at her. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because,” Jisoo said, her laughter settling into a soft chuckle. “No one has ever stood up for me like that before.”

“She deserved much worse than wine in the face,” Seulgi said.

“I don’t know.” Jisoo grinned. “Embarrassing her in public while simultaneously ruining her clothes? In her book, that’s as bad as it gets.” She giggled. “Oh God, her face was hilarious.”

Seulgi started to smile but then she stopped. “I can’t get over what she said to you. Just the thought of someone hurting you makes me livid.” She paused before asking, “Are you upset that I caused a scene?”

Jisoo shook her head. “You know, sitting at that table, I was so angry that I thought I would explode or burst into tears or something. And now ... I don’t know. I feel ... light.”

“Light,” Seulgi echoed. She smiled. “You came out to them.” 

“I did.”

“And it was a total disaster.”

“Couldn’t have gone worse.”

Seulgi kissed her cheek and rested her head on her shoulder. “I think I made a good first impression.”

“Definitely unforgettable.”