CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Losing Love, Losing Time

[ Jimin’s. ]

[ 3 Months ]

It’s been almost two weeks ever since we came back from San Lorenzo and I still can’t talk to Minjeong properly after San Lorenzo and what had happened behind those doors. 

She won’t tell me, and I don’t want to force the answer from her at all. 

“Hey.” 

My mornings aren’t spent with the love of my life but with Minju and early coffee, one she brewed perfectly after a series of mishaps since they just bought the coffee maker before we went back home. 

Two weeks.

Minjeong’s become so colder in these two weeks. 

Winter. 

“She still hasn’t left her room?” biglang tanong sa akin ni Minju as I pour my second cup of coffee before going out to the farm since I’m a little sick of staying by her side when she won’t even talk to me. 

“Hindi. I… I think I’m going to give her space today.” 

“Samahan kita—”

“Babe, nagchat si Kazuha!” 

Without any words, Minju immediately went into her room she’s now sharing with Chaewon and I am left alone in front of the dining table, and for a second I thought about going back inside ulit and trying to talk to her again, pero I decided against it. 

Instead I grabbed the boots I’ve gotten ready since last night and wore them, intending to be more busy than to think about anything at all. 

Paglabas ko with a tumbler full of coffee and some sandwiches na hinanda namin ni Minju for whoever it is working on the farm, nakita ko agad si Jeno pati na sila Ryujin at Lia na tahimik nag-aayos sa loob. 

They welcomed me without any words and we started working on the crops and the farm that we left behind, and even if I try to distract myself, she’s all that I can think about.  

Minjeong. 

Minjeong, Minjeong, Minjeong. 

Anong nangyari sa’yo doon, Minjeong?

If it was going to be like this, I wouldn’t have let her go inside on her own, without me. 

I would have accompanied her there. 

I would have done everything I could to make sure that he doesn’t hurt her, pero nagstay lang ako sa labas. 

No. 

Siguro, there’s no use thinking about that. Especially when the damage has been dealt. Especially when I know that whatever they talked about inside that room would affect Minjeong for a very long time, and I need to be with her when that happens. 

So I focused on working in the farm where she took care of nung wala pa ako dito—hoping that this could at least make me feel better as much as I want this to make her feel better, pero wala. 

Jeno doesn’t say a word. 

Instead, he moves and carries everything for me, handling all the heavy work and then walks me home when the sun has come down. 

Without a word, he does everything that Minjeong had done for me before. 

Without a word, I wish for Minjeong to be here, instead of him. 

Pero pagpasok ko sa loob ng kwarto namin, she’s still lying down and facing away from me, her shoulder rising and falling so peacefully as if I’m not here. 

When I finish tidying myself up and lay down next to her, she gets up. 

Minjeong does not stare at me as she does—instead she shuffles across the room and goes out, shutting the door with a loud bang that emanates through my soul. 

I cried that night. 

Like every other night, for the past two weeks, I cried. 

Again. 

And my heart feels like it’s about to burst, like it’s about to explode and send me careening and falling down a cliff that I would never be able to go back out from. 

My head feels too heavy to even sleep, but drowsiness visits me, anyway. 

This time, I stayed awake long enough for her to come back in the middle of the night, and I act like I’m already asleep so she could peacefully go back to bed. 

To come back. 

To sleep with me again like I’m here. 

She does, and I am half tempted to open my eyes to check if she’s staring at me like I feel like she is. 

I feel her breath on my lips, and for a second I thought she’s going to kiss me and make it seem like everything is alright, but no. 

Never like that. 

“I know you can hear me. Hindi ka magaling magpanggap na tulog, Karina.” 

Karina. 

It sends panic and shock and anger and tears to my system, but I continue to shut my eyes anyways—continue to close my eyes and sleep and pretend that she didn’t just call me that. 

Pretend like everything else is alright. 

Pretend that we’re alright. 

Even if we aren’t—

“Karina, ayoko na.” 

Pagbukas ng mga mata ko, nakatitig lang siya sa akin. 

Kita ko ang bakas ng pag-iyak sa mga mata niya, and I try to wipe the incoming tears from the side of her eyes away but she swats my hand away like it weighs nothing at all. 

“Did you hear me? Ayoko na.” 

I blink once. Twice. 

Tears fall, but I don’t care. 

Thrice. 

My tears fall down into my cheeks, but she doesn’t wipe it away. 

The only thing that she does to me is stare.

So cold, so strict and stoic that it doesn’t feel like her at all. 

It doesn’t feel like Minjeong at all. 

No.

It’s not her. 

This is not her. 

Maybe I’m just dreaming. 

Maybe this is just one of those bad dreams I’ve had ever since she started changing how she acted around me—

“Karina, please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.” 

“Hard?” I scoffed, getting up from where I’m lying and wiping my tears away, but it doesn’t stop at all no matter how hard I try .”This doesn’t look so hard for you, from where I’m standing. Parang hindi naman mahirap sa’yo.” 

“Karina—”

“You