The ride to where I was going to meet my designated Infinite boyfriend was utterly nerve-wrecking. Not only because I didn’t know who I was going to be paired up with, but because of the call I got last night. It scared me. Did someone know about the relationship between me and Sung Yeol? Was that it?

I felt how the car suddenly came to a halt and the driver opened the door and stepped out, I guess we where there. With a last prayer I exited the car and saw who it was.

My eyes widened and I could feel how my heart exhilarated. It felt as if someone had punched me hard in the stomach, because all air sipped out off me in a second. When it came up to me, who it really was that where standing there I wanted to scream. But I couldn’t, neither could I get my legs to run away. I where to tell the truth too paralyzed to even move.

“Seo Mi Yeon meet Hoya, he is Infinite’s main dancer and lead rapper” someone spoke and motioned his hand in Hoya’s direction. But I didn’t need any introduction, I’ve known the guy for almost whole my life.

“Let the camera roll” the same person spoke again and I immediately felt awkward, not knowing what I where suppose to do. And that he didn’t want anything to do with me didn’t make it any easier. What am I going to do?

I didn’t need to think about that for long, because in the next second Hoya had walked up to me and introduced himself with a smile, a smile that seemed so fake, at least for me. Because that eye-smile that he always showed when he was truly happy was nowhere to be found. After he was done I greeted him as well, despite that we knew each other. But that was something neither the viewers nor anyone besides a few more people knew about. And it was going to stay that way to.

“So what are we suppose to do?” I asked a bit bewildered, because I was sure confused of what to do, more like what could you do without enraging the fans. I had no clue.

“Are you hungry?” he asked as he stared into my eyes, but I turned my head away when I felt how my heart started to pump faster, and that was not a good sign. “Sorry I got something in my eye” I excused myself and as I where about to bring my hand up to my face, so that it would look more believable I could feel his hand under my chin, lifting it up so that I was gazing into his eyes yet again.

“I can’t see anything” he spoke and then gently let his hand slip away.

*Of course you couldn’t because it was a lie. Why can’t you see that I still care about you, that I still down in my heart wish that you’ll start care for me. But that wish will apparently never come true.*

“Should we go?” his voice was full of care, but that wasn’t because he was nice to me, no. I could see through his act because that was all it was, mainly because he wanted to look good in front of his fans. He hated me. But he couldn’t show it now. Not when so many people where going to watch.

As we where walking there, side by side towards a destination still unknown to me I couldn’t hid that I was curious of how he had it. Was he happy? Out of nowhere he suddenly turned his head so that he was staring into my eyes, once again, and he smiled.

And my heart stopped.

He smiled for the first time since my birthday five years ago. I who thought that I’d never see that heart-warming smile again did now not believe my eyes. Was he just toying with me, did he know about the feelings that where stored inside my heart?

~~

During our so called breakfast he had told me that this fake relationship where going to last for a seven days – one week. How can I go through a whole week when I barely can live through this? It’s not fair. But then again, when did life ever become fair.

Our next destination was the cinema. Yeah, not really my choice but the producers of Mnet Scandal, what do they think we’ll do? Kiss?

Never.

And to make everything worse it was a scary movie, which I hated. Due to that I scared myself silly when I was younger when I was watching these sorts of movies on my own, a couple of times with Hoya to, when we had our monthly sleepover.

At least he seemed a bit apologetic that I had to go through all this. And as we where seated inside the saloon, side by side I just wanted to fall asleep because I feared for myself. What my reaction would be when I got scared. Was I going to scream and cling onto Hoya like a sticker, or was I going to stay calm – if that now was possible.

Half way through there was some sort of monster that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and thus causing me to scream like no tomorrow. And that was not all to it. I started to hyperventilate. Not good.

The air was slowly leaving my body as it started to become weaker, and I could see how my sight became blurry. But all that stopped when Hoya’s hand slid into mine and I felt how he squeezed it slightly, but I didn’t turn my head to look at him. Why?

Because I was afraid, afraid that I would lose.

“Relax” his voice was calm and reassuring, but I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t let my guard down when being around him. But it was his fault, everything. I wanted him to love me, but he didn’t. Instead I had Sung Yeol, and I was happy with that. I think. I hope.

Am I happy with Sung Yeol?

He squeezed my hand once again. And this time I did turn my head. I glanced into his dark eyes that glowed in the light of the screen, they where beautiful, like they always had been.

How can I ever let go off him when I constantly meet him? Why can’t I just burry my feelings inside my heart and put a lock around them? Why?

Because I still love him.