Sora had decided to check out the roof, remember that the elder had commented about it being one of his favorite places because it was a good place for him to clear his mind without having to worry about the fans or reporters’ prying eyes. Sora just hoped that the elder was hiding away up there, as he pushed himself against the thick metal door; he was shocked to smell the lingering scent of a cigarette – causing him to scrunch up his nose in disgust. However, he smiled upon seeing Younghun leaning against the edge of the roof and looking out over Seoul – watching the cars and people pass by.

“Hyung,” stated Sora.

Younghun jumped and turned to face the younger, who had broken him away from his plaguing thoughts – the same venomous ones that he had six years ago, the ones he had when he first came to Seoul.

Sora approached the elder with slightly hesitant steps, shocked to find the leader’s lashes covered in some left over tears – he was also shocked at how distressed the oldest Spectrum member looked, “Hyung?”

Younghun chuckled and wiped his eyes, onto the sleeve of his shirt before turning his attention to the scar visible on his wrist since he hadn’t thought to put his watch over it like he normally did.

“Hyung, are you alright?” questioned Sora, this time standing right in front of the leader.

Younghun nodded, turning so that he was looking out over the city again, Sora took another step and pressed up against his side to fend off the chilly air - seeing as how they had both forgotten jackets in their rush out of the dorms.

“Are you sure?”

“No,” muttered Younghun, “I’m not.”

Sora looked up at the elder male, wondering what was going through the elder’s mind.

Younghun surprisingly stated, “There was someone that once told me that maybe this industry isn’t for me – she always said that I would be under the criticizing eye of the press and the fans. She never said that I would also be under the watch of my group mates.”

Sora looked at Younghun, “Who was that?”

“Someone who I might have to go back to see...it's a psychiatrist, not some hidden lover,” muttered Younghun, looking towards Sora who still had his nose scrunched up, “I didn’t smoke by the way, I wanted to – but I didn’t. I can’t.”

Sora looked at Younghun with curiosity, “Why did you have to go see a psychiatrist?”

“Life,” muttered Younghun, subconsciously tracing the scar on his wrist.

The younger glanced at the elder, but his eyes slowly drifted down until they saw the object of the leader’s attention – a fading yet nasty scar.

“How did that happen? I remember seeing it before...you've never spoken about it...” muttered Sora, worry gracing his features as he stared at the leader.

“Have you ever wanted to jump off the roof of a building before?” muttered Younghun, "Wished that you weren't born?" 

Sora shook his head, looking at the leader wearily.

“I’m not actually thinking about doing it. Its just a point relevent to...it...you'll understand once you hear the story,” muttered Younghun, “I don’t want to jump - would never think of jumping now, however it was a thought I used to have almost daily...I'm ashamed to say that as well.”

Sora looked at him in shock, finally realizing what the older male was hinting at, “So y-you…”

“Yeah,” replied Younghun, his gaze returning out towards the city, “It was stupid.”

Sora shrugged, not really knowing how to answer the leader’s words.

“Why…?”

“Why did I do it?”

Sora nodded.

“Life got to be too much for me…my mother had died, I had fought with my dad, I had moved to Seoul and was being bullied both in school and in the company I was under…plus I didn’t have too good of friends. The my girlfriend was no help in making me feel better…”

Sora looked at Younghun’s wrist again, unable to look away from the scar, “Would you do it again?”

Younghun shook his head, “Never…after I saw the blood I became terrified. When I began to feel faint... I…  I was worried about what my sister would think. If my sister would feel as though it was her fault - I was living with her after all...I was her responsibility. I felt stupid; knowing that my mother’s passing wasn’t any easier on my noona, or my abeoji. I felt horrible, thinking that I had caused them more pain than they deserved. I was glad I hadn't been sucessful because losing both their mother/wife to cancer and their son/brother to suicide would be horrible... it would be devastating.”

Sora fell silent at the elder’s confession; he stared at the older male in shock as he saw a tear fall onto the male’s hands.

“Though there are sometimes I wish the attempt had gone as planned, I’d never do it again. Especially, now since I have you idiots to take care of.” muttered Younghun, smiling weakly towards Sora as he nudged him playfully, “It’s now just a reminder of a time I’d like to forget, but also of a time and an event that made me into the person I am today - as cliche as that sounds...It's also something I want to make sure never happens to you, or Woojung, or Shin, or Xue...or Minhyun.”

Sora leaned against Younghun's shoulder, knowing that the elder didn’t like skinship, but wanting to comfort the elder male some how.

“As much as I’d like to erase it, I can’t,” muttered Younghun, placing his arm around Sora’s shoulders, pulling the younger closer, needing the contact. “If it hadn’t been for those times, I wouldn’t have learned to look at life like I do now. I wouldn’t have the control over my emotions that I have now - the fight with Minhyun would've been a lot worse. Plus, it helps me remember that I’m actually quite fortunate. ” Sora smiled as he watched the leader wipe away his tears again while laughing at himself, “I hate talking to you guys about things like that, but hey - we're going to be seeing each other for a while, so it's best to get some things like that out in the open...”

Sora laughed at the elder’s words, “Sometimes it’s better to get things off your chest.”

Younghun nodded, before finally turning to face Sora - looking him in the eye, “Now, what is it that you originally came up here for?”

“Shin wanted me to come and get you,” stated Sora, twiddling his thumbs as he shivered, “Xue returned from school early, something was wrong with him hyung…he stunk of rotting tomatoes. Shin said something about bullying.”

Younghun automatically turned towards the door and speed walked away, followed closely behind by a shocked Sora – who was shocked to see three different sides of the leader within a mere minute. The male had gone from being upset to calm to being his protective older brother-like self he became when it came to the magnae or any of the other members.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” muttered Sora.

“Xue’s been bullied for the last time,” stated Younghun, marching straight towards the door, completely passing by the concerned and confused Woojung and Minhyun who stood in the living room, staring at the door to one of the manager’s bedrooms.

Sora stayed with Woojung and Minhyun, watching as the oldest entered the room and quietly closed the door behind him.

“What is going on?” muttered Woojung.

“Well, I just had a talk with Younghun just a couple of seconds ago,” muttered Sora before stating, “and I had let him know that Xue’s been bullied again.”

“So he came straight back,” muttered Woojung.

Sora nodded, before stating, “Indeed.”

“He’s worried for the magnae,” stated Woojung.

Sora nodded, “He knows what it’s like though…he’s been through it as well.”

Woojung hummed, having heard Shin and the leader talking about it some previous time this had happened while Minhyun looked at Sora in shock.

Younghun quietly entered Xue’s room to find Shin holding the magnae close, consoling the male, who was sobbing into Shin’s shoulder. Shin looked up to see Younghun looking at Xue worriedly, the oldest gently sat on the edge of the manager’s bed, running his hand comfortingly up and down the youngest member’s spine.

“What happened?” questioned Younghun.

Shin automatically retold the story he heard from the younger and saw Younghun’s calm expression turn to one of concern and sternness.

“Ha Joon-ah, we need to report this to Hyun Soo and the school,” muttered Younghun, “I know you don’t want to, but it’s getting to be too serious.”

Xue looked towards the oldest Spectrum with tear-filled eyes, “N-No.”

“Ha Joon,” muttered Younghun in a gentle tone, in concern, knowing that no matter what he said the younger was not going to listen to him on this subject, “At least think about it alright?”

Xue nodded, before blurring his face back into Shin’s shoulder, knowing that the elder didn’t mind it.

“Can I at least tell Hyun Soo about it?” questioned Younghun, “He’s going to skin the three of us alive for hiding it for this long. I promise Ha Joon, I’ll convince him not to take action until you decide on what you want to do.”

Ha Joon froze for a bit before carefully nodding as he whispered, “You won’t talk to the school?”

“Not unless you want me to,” stated Younghun, “and I will make sure Hyun Soo doesn’t speak about it either, alright? What happens from here on is solely up to you and what you want to do...”

Xue nodded and with those words Younghun excused himself from the room to call the manager in question, leaving Ha Joon alone with Shin.

Shin continued to hold the younger close, running his finger’s soothingly through youngest’s hair; relieved that the younger was finally calming down a bit.  He was shocked as he heard the younger’s muffled voice.

“Hyung, what do you think I should do?” whispered Xue, curling even farther into the older male, enjoying how secure he felt, enjoying the warmth he was recieving. 

“I think you should talk to your school,” stated Shin, “Or talk to Hyun Soo about transferring schools.”

“Why?” whispered Ha Joon, resting his head on the older male’s shoulder but turning it so that his voice was no longer muffled by the man’s shoulder, “They are my friends.”

“Ha Joon,” muttered Shin, “I don’t know if you can call them friends anymore…they talk badly about you and they mess with you with the intention of hurting you.”

“So, they’re just jealous.”

“I’m sure that that is playing into it, but I don’t think that it’s the whole cause,” stated Shin, ruffling the younger’s hair, “Ha Joon-ah, they are malicious towards you, they want their words to hurt you – they aren’t friends.”

“They were,” whispered Xue.

Shin squeezed the younger chastely before resting his head against the younger’s, “I know, but Ha Joon-ah…Their attacks are only getting worse, their pranks - if you can call them that - are only getting worse.” Ha Joon nodded in understanding and Shin carried on, “However, if you don’t want to do anything about it, I won’t make you. We won’t make you. Younghun won't make you. We will only do what you want us to, alright?”

Ha Joon nodded again, smiling slightly as the elder shifted them so that they were lying curled up together on the bed.

“I just ask that you think over this,” muttered Shin, whispering into the younger’s ear, “That you make sure of what you want. Also, I ask that you don't worry over Younghun's thoughts on this - he just wants what is best for you. We both do. Plus, it's our job as hyungs to take care of you.”

Ha Joon nodded and let his slowly growing heavier eyelids close, letting his head rest on the elder’s chest; letting the beating of the elder’s heart lull him to sleep like a gentle lullaby. Shin soon followed the younger into the land of dreams, happily letting the younger’s warmth draw him in. 

Yeah, I don't even know what I'm writing anymore...hopefully you all enjoyed it.

There is more in depth information about the members other than Younghun to come after I settle some of the drama between the leader and Minhyun. I promise you, only a few more chapters and the focus will shift to other characters....

Depending on where you live, this could be counted as a triple update.