October 14, 2013

Mood: Confused

Time: Awake on a sleepless night

Dear diary, anniyo Youngmin younggie

Erm, can I call you this?

I really missed calling out his name. His name that is still deep engraved in the window of my heart.

Would you mind being him for once? Just for my sake.

Please. I’ve actually no one I could really confide my inner feelings to except you, my comrade.

Younggie

I’m taking your silence as a yes. ^.^

Humph!!!

So now where should I even begin myself???

Urgh.

Right from the very start

Oh okay

Sure

So...yay!!!!! Self introduction.

Aish!!! Why would I forget such a simple thing. Ayo, this stupid brain of mine.

Well

Annyeong, Younggie-ah

I’m Jo Kwangmin, anni...No Kwangmin I meant forlornly. I’ve just turned 17 this year and I’m currently studying in the Seoul Patisserie Arts High School with Minwoo. No Minwoo, my younger cousin.

We are both studying to become patissiers. It’s just a fancy name for a pastry chef if you don’t know.

Sigh, although we are in the same class, taking the same course but we are totally off a different level. A different light.

He. No Minwoo is simply a pure genius in baking cakes, pastries and breads.  Honestly, everything that goes through his hands even just a  blob of butter, a heap of sugar, a cup of flour and an egg could become an art piece.

A wonderfully sweet buttery cookie made to perfection. Slightly brown on the edges baked till crusty. It is perfect to nibble on but you will never bear to eat them because they are just too splendid to be destroyed.

To be frank with you, Minwoo is my idol even when he is my dongseang. He is too amazing compared to me, a worthless noob.

But shhh, you have to keep this a secret because if he knows that I think so highly of him.

He would turn into a proud overnight with horns sticking out of his head. Can you even imagine how scary that would be?

Kyaa, he would start ordering me around in the kitchen to practice till I drop dead because he is disgraced by such as useless cousin like me.

Agioo, why am I rattling all about him?

I must be crazy. Mianhae, younggie I hoped you are not bored by me yet. 

Anyway, I guess you would rather know more about me right rite since I’m your  friend?

So this is it.

 I don’t want to admit this but I’m totally a failure when it comes to baking. You will be amazed by how bad I really am.

I can’t even bake a decent cupcake after 9 freaking months in school. And I’m currently blacklisted by Donghyun Songsaenim which means I’m in the verge of getting kick out of the course if I continue under performing by the end of the semester.

I still praying that it doesn’t happen though

Anni, it can’t become true

What is going to become of me if I lost my only direction in life I had left?

Would I lose the hope to live again?

No. I don’t want to sink back into that trench

That bleak austere autumn

That coldness

Hahaha!!!! Omo, I should stop saying such emo stuff to you…..

Yeah...think positively

Kwangmin  ^0^

Yup

I haven tell you the reason why I’m hoping to become a patissier right. That is because I want to keep my promise to him. I promised to make him the most marvelous birthday cake for his 18^thbirthday. 

A birthday cake that holds a very special meaning; the symbol of my love to him. I was supposed to propose to him that very night and we will make love to seal our destiny forever.

But this is all a mirage now. It would never happen because he hated me to the core. He loathed my sickening face that is exactly the spitting image of his.

He hoped for my disappearance.

He wished for my death.

Who is he?

You are probably going to ask that right, younggie?

 He’s ....He’s a boy that has the same name as you.

He is my younggie hyung.

My older brother, my twin.

He is the first and only person I ever loved throughout the short 17 years of my life.

He is the best hyung in the world. Since the day we’re born, he had always been the centre of my universe while I was merely a tiny star orbiting around him but now he won’t even let me do that.

 He doesn’t want me anymore. Hyunnie doesn’t want me anymore. Appa doesn’t want me anymore too. I’m abandoned by my family. They don’t want me part of their life anymore and it’s entirely my fault.

 I brought this ill faith upon myself.

 I’ve committed an unforgivable sin. 

 I....

........I......

.......I've........

............I've.........

 Sorry younggie, I really can’t tell you about it now. I can’t hold back my tears make myself admit my crime.

It’s breaking my heart into two just trying to recall it..Please forgive me, I will tell you the truth when I’m ready okay. Maybe when that day comes, I will also have the courage to tell him the truth too.

The truth he doesn't know.

Sigh

I know my life sounds like a mess but don’t you worry about me.

Honestly, I’m in really good hands now. I’ve finally found myself a family, younggie.

Minwoo’s parents had taken me under their care since I was thrown out off my house and forced to fend for myself years ago.

Hehe...I don’t remember how long ago was it already

You know that’s a lie, don’t you???

I’m just trying to console myself

How can I forget such a miserable day?

Although

It was a long, long time ago

2 years

 4 months

17 days ago

On a raining autumn night

Cold and chilly

Anyway

hahaha!!!!

Minwoo’s parents kindly adopted me and gave me a shelter over my head and food to feed my starving self. So now, I’m officially their son bearing their family name because this is the only way I know how to repay their benevolence love for me.

I can’t say I am perfectly fine and that I love the life I’m living till this second but I’ve considered myself lucky because I have survived the odds.

I had learnt to live peacefully just knowing that he still breath the same air as I do.

Although he is beyond my reach, at least I still have the chance to observe him from afar. I just have to be careful not to let him notice my presence. It angers him.

Yeah

So this is my new found hobby obsession nowadays.

.

Mission stalking Younggie hyung...Grinning with an idiotic smile plastered on my face.

Whenever I have the time which is equivalent to me not practicing my baking.

But that is quite impossible since I’m strictly scrutinized under Minwoo’s watchful eyes every day to brush up on my skills like crazy so that I could scrape through my classes.

Younggie..

I’ll tell you a secret fact.

Do you know he is a blonde now?

He looked damn gorgeous..

 With his smooth golden locks covering his angelic face and big doe-like eyes gleaming with gentleness, he totally looks like a handsome prince that jumped out of a fairytale.

How I wish he would look at me with those loving gaze once again

I missed him.

And I simply can’t tear my eyes away from him whenever...

Opps..

Stupid me.

I started rattling off all again

Sorry.

 I guess I’m been talking too much about my hyung, haven’t I?

Gosh!!!!

It’s 3 am already, I think I better get some sleep here. I still have classes early in the morning.

 Bye for now, younggie.  I’ll talk to you again soon.

Wish me luck in my baking lessons tomorrow today okay, I will keep you updated on my progress.

I hope I’ll get a little better. Finger crossed.

Good nite, chingu. Sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams to me too. Please make those horrendous nightmares vanished into thin air.

I don’t want them again tonight. They haunt me.

Aish..Mianhae.

I’m getting really naggy these days, bad influence from Minwoo.

Anyway, bye bye, my dear friend. Saranghaeyo~

 Yours with love

No Kwangmin

Author's note:

                        Hi there, so this is the first chapter, I hope it's to your liking. Summary, it will be in a diary/journal form with some real time scenes okay. More secrets to be reveal as everything unfold.

I forgot to mention Italics- Inner thoughts and gestures of the character for all the chapter. Just to let you know.

Please don't be a silent reader, I really want to hear your comments, they are my motivations. Thanks.

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Comment reply@

pikajae: How is the update, is it ok??

Cocoa_Covered_Cat: I think the first chapter wasn't much different from the previous version you read but this is to faciliate the progression of my story. I still hope you enjoyed reading it.,