Listen to Don't Push Me while reading 

 “I can’t, Irene, I can’t.” 

Losing the grip on Seulgi’s right hand, Irene quickly latched herself onto the left.

As she spoke, she took the chance to fill the gaps between their hands again. 

Warmth slipped away as fast as it was within her hold when Seulgi withdrew her hands, breaking their intertwined holds.

"Don't you remember your promise to me, to let us be indestructible..?" 

***

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Irene..." 

Irene was paralysed. 

Her wounded heart shattered further. 

Looking into the puffy eyes of Seulgi, she was baffled. 

She furrowed her brows, narrowed her eyes, shaking her head in denial. 

"What- what do you mean?"

As much as it pained her, Seulgi said it. 

"Let's end this." 

"Wh- what?" Irene let out a nervous chuckled that turned into a short laugh. "You mean our fight, right?"

Seulgi's let her eyes shut, unable to watch anxiety spreading across Irene's face. 

She was going to regret her words, she knew it even before she let her tongue ran but it felt like the only solution to their problem. 

The pain that the both of them went through had strained their relationship and she was sick of letting jealousy ruin her. 

Of course she was still in love, more in love than she had ever been. 

Every episode of quarrel only made her realised deeper that she was completely drowning in her love for Irene. 

However, their fights were getting out of hand. 

"Of course we need to end this fight, Seul. I'm sorry I started it, I really shouldn't and I'm sorry.”

Irene reached out to tuck away Seulgi’s hair behind her ear while attempting to hide her trepidation behind a smile that couldn’t fool anyone. 

“You must be really tired right? Let's go to bed now, okay?” 

“Baby..”

“I’m really tired now, Seulgi, I just want to sleep. Let’s just sleep already.” 

No moment in her life felt scarier than that very moment. 

Irene could only encircle the embrace with all her remaining strength, afraid of letting go. 

She didn't want to believe that Seulgi would have say such a thing, to suggest an end to their supposedly indestructible relationship. 

Each second that slipped, the giddy spell got stronger. 

"I don't want to say it again..."

"Then don't say it!" She was shaking. "Don't ever say it, please, I'm begging you!" 

"It's for the good of us." 

Seulgi broke free from the hold as she stood up, wanting to make a dash away from the suffocating space but Irene was faster to catch her from behind. 

"There would be no good left in me if you are gone, Seulgi!”

With how sick she was feeling, Irene was surprised she could still react as fast as she had to. 

“I promise I will be better for you.”

Wanting to tug her love closer, she was rejected, only to have the latter turning her away. 

Seulgi pressed her back to Irene’s front, unable to look her in the eyes.

“Don’t do this, don’t promise anymore.” Seulgi whispered with a quivering voice by Irene’s ear. “I can’t, Irene, I can’t.” 

Losing the grip on Seulgi’s right hand, Irene quickly latched herself onto the left. 

“I promise I wouldn't pick fights.”

She wasn’t going to back away despite the objection.  

“I promise I will tell you I love you, everyday, whenever you want me to.”

As she spoke, she took the chance to fill the gaps between their hands again. 

“I will do whatever you want me to but just don't say we need to end..!”

Warmth slipped away as fast as it was within her hold when Seulgi withdrew her hands, breaking their intertwined holds.  

Irene turned around only to find Seulgi who was stationary, head hanging low. 

Seulgi couldn’t bring herself to do anything, just quietly pausing in her position while a droplet slid down to the corner of her lip.

The lack of reaction to comply to her plead drove Irene nuts.

In a rush, she collided their lips, sealing Seulgi's taste with her sloppy kiss.

She was rough, she was desperate. 

Tackling their tangled bodies against the wall, Seulgi fought against the suddenly strong touches fiddling with the buttons of her blouse. 

Warm tears wet their faces, kisses bitter and sad. 

Knowing that she was physically no match to her younger lover, Irene began to remove her own clothing instead, pressing herself against Seulgi. 

"I will give you everything you want, I will give you myself over and over again.”

Irene could feel her entire world spinning, her head feeling compressed as the aching intensified. 

Her eyes hurt from all the tears that kept pouring out like there would be no end, her voice hoarse from pleading. 

When there was barely much reactions besides more sobbing, Irene grabbed Seulgi's hands, prompting for the girl to touch her, to feel her. 

The resistance was strong, so strong it felt insulting. 

Even before Seulgi managed to put an official end to their connection, she was already weak at the thought of losing the former. 

"Baby, don't do this."

No matter how hard she tried, it was effortlessly for her hold to be broken. 

"Why don't you want me anymore..?"

Grabbing onto the shirt and whatever she could, she just wouldn't let go. 

Dawdling her face against Seulgi's soft touches on her tear-stained cheeks, she wished it was just a nightmare that she would soon be awakened from. 

"How long more can we go on like this? There's only so much we can each withstand." 

"I can hold back anything for you..." 

"I don't want us to end up hating each other."

Hate was a strong word that acted like a knife that pierced through the already broken heart. 

"How can I ever hate you when you are my world..?"

Seulgi felt the pressure of Irene's nails digging into her forearms, desperately holding onto her like she was the life buoy to a drowning person. 

"Please just stay for me... Stay if you still love me." 

Exhaustion coupled with heartache was the best formula to drain every bit of Irene's energy. 

She wasn't even sure if she still had her voice, she wasn't even sure if she could still react to anything. 

But when Seulgi pressed in for a kiss on her forehead, letting the warmth lingered for a moment longer than usual, she knew regardless of situation, she would always feel Seulgi. 

"I don't think I will ever stop loving you."

"Then why do we have to end..?"

Irene's body finally collapsed like a rag doll, unable to handle all the overwhelming emotions charging at her. 

Seulgi caught her immediately, settling her on the couch and grabbed a glass of water, which the elder refused to drink, mouth muttering words in attempt to change Seulgi's mind. 

She was beginning to slur, lips cracked from mild dehydration. 

Knowing that she had to make Irene drink, Seulgi sipped on the water and pressed in for their lips to touch, lifting the chin up for the liquid to flow smoothly down the throat. 

What was supposed to be a simple feeding became difficult to part, especially when Seulgi could feel how weak Irene was getting. 

The girl had never been physically strong to begin with, so the string of events through the night was definitely taking a toll on her mind and body. 

Carefully, Seulgi savoured Irene, running her tongue across the cracks before lightly on the lower lip. 

For every word that Irene tried to say, Seulgi kissed it away. 

Irene wanted to scream at herself, for her mind to stop running wild because it was making her sick in the guts. 

Worrying that every taste would be the last of Seulgi, she stressed herself to memorise the interaction. 

She prayed for time to stop or better still, for this nightmare to stop. 

She could no longer find any strength in her to support her body, mentally and physically drained from the torturing thought of losing Seulgi. 

Hands hanging loosely around the younger girl's neck, their lips were tangled in a painfully slow dance, each kiss painful and torturing.

Panic surged through her empty soul when they disconnected, and she once again begged with a voice so soft it was as if she had never spoke, for her to not be abandoned. 

Seulgi swiftly swiped Irene off her feet, princess-carrying her into the room, carefully laying her down on their shared bed before settling down too. 

The younger one watched how those features she loved so much distort with every sob, feeling every pinch at her chest. 

Apparent exhaustion was washing like huge waves at Irene, but she rather struggled to not let herself be lured away, fearing the unknowns that tomorrow carries. 

The only thing that was preventing her from losing the last bit of sanity was Seulgi's palm caressing her cheek, fingers running through her hair. 

It eventually stopped to brush across her still crack lips before a kiss landed on her forehead. 

"Get some rest baby, you are tired."

Cradling the small body frame deeper into her arms, Seulgi rested her hands protectively on the lower back, gently petting in hope to tuck Irene asleep. 

A head shook its refusal stubbornly. 

"What if you are gone when tomorrow comes..?" 

"I'm not going anywhere, I will be here."

"Don't end things, please?" 

"We will always be in pain if we don't, Irene." 

"Seulgi..." Another round of tears came. "Don't give up on me, don’t push me away…" 

"The problem between us is your family and I don't want you to choose. You will always be in a difficult position and I will just-"

Seulgi swallowed hard when she paused to look into Irene's watering eyes; the darkest she had ever seen, the saddest she had ever witnessed. 

"I will only be... A friend of yours, nothing more, nothing less." 

"You know I will always choose you, baby, you know that.."

Irene's fingers brushed Seulgi's neat brows, caressed the spotless but pale face, thumb oscillating by the corner of the bloodless lips, sight never once falter away from the girl who she thought was the most beautiful. 

“I only have you.” 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She hugged harder. "But it's just too difficult for me to deal with your father or Ilhoon anymore."

That was all it took for Irene to halt in her pleading. 

She understood her father had been one of the reasons why their relationship was heading towards its end but she knew better that it was her timidity that compromised Seulgi. 

If she was braver, if she had the courage to admit Seulgi openly, things would have an alternative ending. 

There was no deny that when the elder girl no longer say anymore words, Seulgi's heart sank. 

There was a split second of reconsideration but she figured it would have been better to let things be. 

Without a doubt, it was a selfish move to end things from her side without letting Irene have any say. 

She was guilty and no less grief-stricken. 

Irene would still be under her father's pressure of settling down, from marrying somebody she may have absolute no interest in but at least she would have one less person to consider for if Seulgi ended things. 

It was for the better, or so she assumed.

The elder one drummed her fist against Seulgi's chest but being the weakling, none made any impact. 

"Don't you remember your promise to me, to let us be indestructible..?" 

She let her wails filled the sickeningly quiet room, sadness thickening in the air. 

“Kang Seulgi, don’t leave me, please don’t leave me…”

Seulgi's pillow began to be soaked in her own tears as she held onto Irene's clenched fist, pressing her lips on the knuckles, hand soothing Irene's sobbing back. 

“What will be of me without you..?”

Irene was running out of breath with all the mad crying, her hiccups seemed unstoppable.

"It's killing me, Seul, this heartache is killing me.." 

Irene brought Seulgi's palm to the spot on her chest where her heart lays beneath, eyes shut with uncontrollable tears flowing. 

Seulgi knew, she broke every bit of Irene. 

***