“This is bad… your body is reacting very strongly to the treatment…” Chang Min rubbed Yunho’s back, trying to ease his nauseousness. 

“I... can handle it…” 

“Stay in the hospital tonight.”

“He’ll be worried.”

“He’ll worry even more with you looking like this! Listen, you have nurses here to take care of you if you’re in pain or if you throw up. But he will have to do that back at home, get it?”

Yunho shot a glance at Chang Min, hating to admit that he’s right… 

“Yunho ah… you ok?!” Yunjae knocked on the door anxiously. “You’ve been in there for some time…” 

Yunjae continued to pace outside the room as he continued to hear Yunho gagging in the toilet. 

“... you okay? You’ve been in there for a long time! Do you need me to come in?” 

Who… am I talking to? 

“I’m... fine, I’m fine!” The voice from inside replied followed by a series of gagging sounds.

“... open the door!!” He continued knocking on the door continuously. His hands were shaking… “... I’m coming in!” 

He rushed to get the keys to the toilet and forced it open… 

“Oh my god… you’re shaking so much!” 

Who is this…? This back view... looks so familiar… 

Just as he reached his hands out to look at the person’s face, he got drawn out from the memory… 

“HE’S FINE!” Chang Min shouted back. 

Yunjae swallowed hard, his head was spinning... he quickly stabilised himself by grabbing onto the wall. 

What… was that? 

“Argh…” Yunho groaned as he stood up slowly, sitting on the toilet bowl. “Fine… I’ll stay in today. I’ll discharge myself tomorrow morning.” 

Chang Min nodded reluctantly, reaching his hands out to help him up.

“It’s ok. I can walk out myself.”

Sigh~ still trying to force a strong front… 

“I heard you vomiting… are you feeling better?” Yunjae approached Yunho slowly as they exited the toilet. 

“Y...yes… don’t worry~!”

“It’s a common side effect after radiation, so you don’t have to worry too much.”

Yunjae nodded.

“You look pale…”  Yunho frowned as he observed his face.  

“I...I’m fine…” Yunjae patted his face slowly. 

The both of them laid down on the bed slowly… both deep in thoughts… There is so much they want to say to each other… so much that they don’t know where or how to start… 

“Yunho ah…” 

“Hmm?”

“Actually… when I was outside the toilet waiting for you, something flashed through my mind… like a piece of memory…?”
 

“What… What did you see?” Yunho asked nervously. 

“I heard someone vomiting in the toilet… I rushed in and saw him kneeling in front of the toilet bowl… his body was shaking… I... I… was so scared… ” 

*Ba-dump.*

“Who… was it?”

“I... didn’t see his face…” 

“I...see…” Yunho didn't know what to feel.. 

“I just know that I felt very worried and helpless… that person… must be someone very close to me…” 

That was… after my first treatment… 

“We’re home…” Jaejoong helped Yunho in slowly. 

“Yeah…”

“The doctor said that you might feel nauseous, I’ll go prepare a--- Yunho!”

Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, Yunho stumbled into the toilet, locking himself inside. 

“Yunho dear... You okay? You’ve been in there for a long time! Do you need me to come in?” 

“I’m... fine, I’m fine!” The voice from inside replied followed by a series of gagging sounds.

“Yunho open the door!!” He continued knocking on the door continuously. His hands were shaking… “... I’m coming in!” 

He rushed to get the keys to the toilet and forced it open… 

“Oh my god… you’re shaking so much!” Jaejoong patted Yunho’s back continuously.

“I---” before he could say anything, he felt another wave of pulses in his stomach, causing him to gag again. 

“It’s ok you don’t have to say anything!” 

After what felt like an eternity, Yunho leaned back into Jaejoong’s body… his body was covered in sweat, his face was pale… he couldn’t even find the energy to say a single word… 

Jaejoong held on to his shaking body and rubbed his shoulders slowly… “It’s ok… I’ll be here… I’m here…” 

Yunho slowly fell into unconsciousness as he laid in Jaejoong’s arms… 

“Yunho… you ok?”

“Hmm? Oh yes… ” He quickly looked away, afraid that Yunjae would see the tears in his eyes… 

“I um… want to go back to your house to grab some clothes, is that alright?”

Your house… it’s our house, Joong. Our house. 

“Of course! Of course~ but it’s raining now! Do you need me to come with?”

Yunjae shook his head, “It’s alright! You should rest~” 

Just as he got up from the bed, Yunho pulled him back into his embrace… “Joong… Yunjae… I really love you. More than anyone in this world… I hope you know that… ”

Yunjae nodded in his arms and pulled away slowly… “Love you too~” He smiled weakly and bade goodbye before heading out. 

Jae…? Are you taking me for him now? Yunjae could his heart pounding furiously in his chest…he could feel a mixture of feelings stirring in him… was it anger? sadness? heartbreak? He didn’t know what to do or what to think… These questions filled his head as he headed back to Yunho’s house… he didn’t bother about the rain hitting on him… he just wanted to keep walking… 

When he finally reached, he opened the door and headed straight in to pack his clothes. When he was exiting, his eyes drifted to Yunho’s room. 

Should I… 

Yunjae approached the door and turned the doorknob slowly…. Locked. 

Hmm…

He peered around the house, thinking where might the key be kept at… then a photo of a white dog caught his attention. He picked it up, flipped it to the back and opened the frame, revealing a silver key. 

“Wow…” Yunjae looked at the key, amazed and confused at how he managed to find it…

He went back to the door and unlocked it. He pushed the door open and peered in. His room was clean and simple. There was a king size bed and a huge wardrobe.

Isn’t this bed and wardrobe too big for one--- wait… maybe they stayed together during the time they were together… 

Yunjae sighed deeply… this place must be filled with memories between the two of them…

He looked around the room and spotted a photo album on the bedside table... he hesitated on whether to reach out for it… he wanted to know whose photo it contained…  but also afraid that he would find something he didn’t want to know…

After a few moments, he finally gathered his courage and reached out for the photo album… 

He took a deep breath before opening it… 

HUH? What… Isn’t this… me?! Or is it someone who looks like me?! 

He continued looking at the spread of photos in the album, page after page… photos of them laughing, eating… his heart thumped faster and faster with every page that he saw. All the photos in it were of the two of them. Only the two of them. 

Wait… He brought the album closer to his face as he spotted some tattoos on his arms… these are… the same tattoos... as mine… this guy… is… really me?

He felt his chest tighten and his head spinning as this realisation hit him… 

He continued flipping anxiously until he reached the last page. It was a single photo, smacked right in the middle. His heart skipped a beat. He traced his fingers across the photo slowly… we… were a couple…? Yunjae stared hard at the photo. He could not believe his eyes… It was a photo of them… he was leaning against Yunho and Yunho’s arms were cradling his waist, and they were… kissing… But what jumped off the page was the words under the photo… 

“Yunho ❤︎ Jaejoong, 10 years anniversary”

Jaejoong… 10… years?! What is--- 

So that guy who was in a relationship with Yunho for 10 years was... me...? I am… Jaejoong…? What… what’s going on?!

He sat on the bed, motionless. 

He could remember the feeling of joy… heartache… happiness… but he couldn’t remember a single thing… all the images that flashed across his mind was a blurred face… 

Why… didn’t he tell me….? 

He let the album slip out of his hands as he stood up… he walked out of the room like a soulless person… 

*click*

Darkness surrounded him after a series of lightnings and thunder. 

He stood in the dark…His mind still occupied with what he saw… 

Until a faint light streamed in from the hallway…

"Yunho...? Is that you?" A voice called out.

This voice...

Yunjae squinted to try to make out the person's face, just then another lightning flashes through the sky, lighting up the house for a split second…

"You are… you're dead!" The voice started to shake, sounding anxious.

"Who…"

"Die… I don't care if you're a ghost or human, no matter how many times you're back I'll still not accept you. People like you, are a disaster to the country and will bring our country to doom! Get away from my son and my family!!" The voice shouted out and dashed out of the house. 

“Gah!” 

All the words started to echo his head… every word pierced his heart. 

He heard these words before. These hurtful words. 

"You’re a freak.”

"Get out of my sight, freak.”

“People like you should die.”

“I don’t want to see your pathetic face.”

“People like you are a disaster to the country.”

“Why do people like you even exist in this world?”

“You are leading my son on, get away from him, bastard.”

“My son is not like you. He just finds you interesting. Like a toy.”

“Stop dreaming that you will be able to find love. Freaks like you are not worthy.”

“Stop… stop! STOP IT!”

Yunjae hugged his head in his arms tightly. Feeling that his head might explode any moment. 

Those words seemed to have opened the floodgates to the emotions and memories that were inside him…

“I’m sorry my dear… you had to go through all these because of me…”

Yunjae looked up slowly and saw two blurred figures, yet again. 

“Who are… you?! Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?!” Yunjae begged for an answer. HIs voice choked by his tears.

“I’m sorry that I have a dad like him… I’m sorry Joong…” 

“I’m alright… I just feel a bit sad that your dad doesn’t accept us…or I should say...me...  ” 

“Sorry…”

“Stop saying sorry, yunho dear…”

Yunho…

Yunho dear…

Yunnie… 

My love… 

Baby… 

“It’s… you…” Yunjae whispered as the figure’s face started to become clearer…. He could finally see him… his face… tears started to stream down his cheeks.. “Yunho… It’s you. It’s you. It has always been you. Why… why didn’t you tell me?!” Yunjae clenched his fists hard as he started to cry… all their memories started flooding back…He grabbed onto his chest, feeling like his heart had been ripped apart… it wasn’t like any pain he felt before… He started to cry hysterically, every breath seemed to be suffocating him...

“Why… why....WHY?!”