“Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star.
It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.
Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

Zelo made himself comfortable on the soft, fine sand of the beach, next to the older boy he was once very intimate with. Trying to be as not distracting as possible, the young boy ped the long, black bag to reveal a astronomical telescope shining with its flawless metallic black shell. The shell reflected the dim, yellowish light of the moon and glowed beautifully. As beautiful as Himchan hyung, Zelo thought as he secured the delicate metal tube on the tripod drew out from the same soft, silky, slim bag. After setting up everything, the young boy peeked into the long telescope and carefully adjusted knobs here and there, focusing on the almost invisible stars in the pitch black sky.

The young boy stole a glance of the elder boy and Murakami’s quote from “South of the Border, West of the Sun” popped out from his mind. True, the Himchan he was sitting next to was like a “distant star”, he was no longer the Himchan he had known, but another Himchan whom Zelo didn't have enough time to get to know yet. The delay in understanding the brand new (in both a good and bad way) Himchan might not be noticeable by other people, but Zelo could feel how HImchan now felt like a distant stranger, cold and indifferent. He felt so, so, so far away that it seemed to the little boy that he was unreachable. Yet, Himchan, at least in Zelo’s eyes, would never lose the attraction - Zelo couldn’t stop himself from rotating in Himchan’s orbit.

“You came.” Himchan stated flatly in his husky voice. Zelo hummed as response, tearing his eyes from the telescope to meet Himchan’s. When their eyes met Zelo panicked and looked away, lowering his gaze to the glowing sand underneath his feet.

Silence engulfed the air around the two and Zelo didn’t dare to talk, still. Himchan occasionally looked at Zelo with blank eyes and immersed himself back to the mesmerising view magnified by the telescope shortly after, before Zelo even had the time to make eye contact. It eventually turned into a game of hide-and-seek where the two boys continuously hide from each others’ eyes. The focus wasn’t on the sparkling, glowing stars anymore, but on something Zelo couldn’t point out.

“Are you cold?” The elder boy asked, not in a warm or heart-fluttering way but a dull, boring way, as if he was trying to say something and brighten up the gloomy atmosphere. Zelo shook his head slightly and looked away from the stars only to grab his water bottle from the other side, the side further away from Himchan. He added a quick ‘no’ afterwards to make sure HImchan got his answer.

Zelo mentally sighed. This was getting pretty boring - they used to do the same thing but why did it feel so much happier in the past? They didn’t talk in the past either, but the same silence felt so different. Now, Zelo didn’t even want to continue the conversation generously initiated by the elder boy. Why? Zelo didn’t understand himself.

Well, it started when Himchan fell in love with a girl from university and almost completely ignored Zelo’s presence. They undramatically distanced and lost their close hyung-dongsaeng relationship developed from a common interest since Zelo was in his first year of secondary school. Himchan was in his last year then, but maybe that was the catalyst that pulled them together? Himchan liked taking care of juniors while Zelo had always been able to hang out with seniors. Nevertheless, it had been five years since they’d known each other and falling apart in the nth year wasn’t a good thing at all.

“Why aren’t you talking, Zelo?” Himchan never gave up on his attempts to make Zelo talk, and the little boy finally thought of a reply.

“Because I am Pluto. I know how unimportant I now am to you.”

Himchan was stunned by such a strong reply and gulped while looking at Zelo. The little boy stood up and checked his camera previously set up with prolonged exposure. Himchan observed his junior as he checked on everything except his puzzled self sat dumbly on the sand, but that was when Zelo finally looked back at Himchan with emotionless eyes, demanding an answer of some kind.

“But you will always have a position in my system. You will never be forgotten.”

Zelo smiled.

A simple Himlo drabble inspired by Haruki Murakami. Hope you've enjoyed it! x