“You plan to start school next semester?” Kai asked once he filled Monggu’s plate with his food. I made a serious nod. “Most likely, I need to.” I made this agreement with myself and sure it was going to be another big step, but I was going to do it. This meant having to deal with my ‘demons’ as soon as possible. “Xiumin should be back by then.” He offered a smile but once he saw the expression on my face he knew why. “Does he know yet?” He asked. Of course not, how could I tell such news when the very reason why he left was for him to get his priorities straight? I wanted Linfei to be the last thing on his mind while he was out there dancing. A firm shake of my head left me to look at him desperately, “I can’t tell him she’s dead, Kai. Not after all I said. I promised him things that – he won’t ever forgive me for now.” The thoughts running through my mind concerning these matters left me feeling nothing but pain. With everything going on, no – this was something I really couldn’t fix. What would Xiumin say or do? “No, I think you should tell him. He needs to know.” Kai walked over to me as I played with my bowl of popcorn now in a state of bitterness. “No, you don’t understand. I can’t believe I let this happen. I wasn’t thinking. I should have protected Linfei better than this. I knew she was being controlled yet all I wanted was for Chenwu to be free – for them to be free so I could be free from this haunting. I am so selfish.” I took a brief moment to shame myself. I wasn’t at the stage of crying – only angry towards myself for coming to realize this sad truth. I was allowing people to get hurt because of my actions no matter how hard I wanted to prevent them. Kai tried to interject but I yelled out in frustration, “Don’t counsel me Kai! I know what I did. This here is my fault. If Lenfei should hate anyone, it should be me. Chen wanted to save her. He could have cared less about those witches. Sure, he had compassion towards their situation but it wasn’t for him to care about. Linfei was his main concern. All I wanted was Chenwu free from me.” I explained; my eyes had now dilated and I wanted to smash something. Instead, my hand balled into a fist while my braced one simply shook.

Kai took a second before he nodded, completely understanding everything. From what he knew to what was stated now, changed then. “Your main goal was to make sure you weren’t tormented by them… so you made it a point to save Linfei – even though she was innocent, it just made sense to go along with it; So that you both weren’t tormented.” He muttered. I sighed, now hearing my selfishness from someone else’s mouth made me disappointed in myself. “Wow,” Kai himself stared at me in disbelief before he continued whilst frowning lightly. “You were selfish for doing that and perhaps not thinking the way you did would have saved her, but Huan, Xiumin doesn’t need to know that. Nobody else does, because you know what?” His hand abruptly carressed my cheek. I now faced and him and his stern yet loving gaze, “No one will believe it. Have you forgotten that I didn’t believe you until I saw it for myself?” Was he serious? I blinked almost disgusted with the thought of lying to my best friend. “I won’t lie to him.” I said with a growl. Kai flinched but that didn’t stop him from telling the sick truth. “Fine, put you and him through more pain by telling him it was your fault that she’s dead, that you only cared about yourself when you know you could have saved the both of you. You are a selfish person and no one should even be your friend – you don’t deserve them.” His brow rose, nothing on his face showing he didn’t mean what he said. I tensed before I pulled away from him; looking awayclouded with this serious decision I would need to make. “You’re going to make it hard on him once he finds out that she only died in a fire. But you will make him downright mad at the whole world and you for leaving her and allowing himself to trust you, and all the other things that may go through his mind once he knows everything.” Kai said softly.

“No matter what, I’m still the bad guy and I stuffer.” I sighed but I managed to nod. I could live with that. I had to for Xiumin. I couldn’t have him feel that it was his fault for leaving at any circumstances.

“Huan, save him from that access pain and carry that burden for his sake. I’m sorry it had to be this way, but now it’s time for you to think about others – if you truly haven’t been prior.”

“What would I do without you? And I thought I had been positive.” I thought back before shamefully frowning. Kai scoffed, “You haven't necessarily been positive lately. Who can blame you but don’t forget that sometimes you need to be held accountable for your choices – the ones you made. You have to handle your fate, babe. You may not like it though.” A sly smirk appeared on his lips and soon those lips came into contact with mines. I wanted to hit him, but I grumbled against his lingering lips. First it wasn’t my fault that I made the choices I made, and now it was? Or perhaps he was saying that it’s no ones’ fault but in order to insure you have a good conscious – do the right thing; that’s what fate should be at least. “You calle