If you ask does everything get any better after my fiasco, well it does. Even though I’m grounded again for unknown time. That means no riding bicycle, no going to Renjun’s house, and no buying automotive magazine. I deserve that and I don’t object anything. I want them to know that I’m really sorry and I have to show them that.

Nick, Jim and Dan, when we meet briefly in the hallway, they still greet me and sometime ask me to play with them again. You know, when they say ‘play’ it will be mean ‘watch ’, so I turn them down. I hope and pray so hard they won’t recognize my Mama in one of their videos.

It’s not that I’m ashamed of my mother, but I just don’t want them to look at my Mama the way they look at those women in video. Mama wasn’t doing , she was just doing her job at the time. She was just being a good mother to Yerim.

And speaking of my sister, she almost bit my head off. My ears almost fell off when I had to listen to her lectures. She said I have privilege since even before I was born and I will continue to have more privileges growing up because I’m a male. What does that even mean? We both are our Mama and Mommy’s kids, we should have share the same privilege, right? I don’t think Mama or Mommy treat us any different.

Well, I mean… sure Yerim gets more allowance than me, but that’s because she needs more money for her school project. Yerim also gets longer curfew because her study group takes longer than my play time – exactly that’s why. I go out to play with Desire and other friends while Yerim goes out to study (she went out for a date too when she got a boyfriend).

Oh, you don’t know my sister broke up with her boyfriend? It’s because Seojun graduated from their school and he goes to some university in another country. Seojun said he was willing to do long distance relationship – whatever that means – but my sister didn’t want to. I a lot when she cried after she broke up. Mama was sympathetic towards her, she gave morale support and told her if they were mean to be they would be together again someday. Mommy was relief that time, I don’t know, maybe happy? Mommy told my sister that she shouldn’t hang onto just one person because she’s still very young.

She was miserable but only for two weeks, I guess? One day she asked our parents if she could go to Seojun’s university for study and Mommy was strongly against it, because it’s too far and she would have to live in campus dorm or rent an apartment. Mommy said something about pregnancy scare or free – wait a minute…

I lift my face up from my homework and look at my sister. We’re in the living room right now, I’m doing my homework and Yerim is reading a book. “Why are you looking at me like that? Go back doing your homework.” She caught my gaze on her.

“Yerim,” I start.

“What?”

“Uh… never mind,”

Yerim sighs. She knows I’m scared of her and she acts not so civil right now, “What, Squirt? Do you need help on your homework?” Now I know she’s not mad at me anymore. She calls me Squirt again.

“I want to ask you a question.”

“Shoot,”

“Did you have with Seojun?”

“Kang Mirae!!!” Uh oh… is she mad at me again? I was just asking a question! “Just because you watched some and you might now what having is, it doesn’t mean you can just ask anyone about it!”

“But you’re not just anyone. You’re my sister.”

Yerim groans, “Regardless!” She scoffs hard, “It’s inappropriate thing to ask and none of your business.”

I tilt my head and stare at her, “Well, did you?” She throws a pillow cushion at me. I dodge her attack. “Just don’t do it,” I tell her.

She looks at me suspiciously, “Why?”

I huff, “Because you’re still a baby!” Well, maybe Mama and Mommy are right. We’re still a baby. I mean, I saw men and women in videos and they’re all grown up. I can’t wrap my head about the possibility of Yerim having with anyone. She’ll get hurt, won’t she? I don’t want that.

“I’m still a baby?!” Yerim sneers, “Then what are you, an embryo?!”

“Isn’t that unborn baby inside a mother’s belly?” I ask and Yerim nods with a scoff, “Ha! Joke on you. I’m not inside Mommy’s belly!”

“That was a sarcastic remark because you called me a baby –” She stops and takes a deep breath, “You know what, I’m done talking nonsense with you.”

“Yerim, it’s not nonsense! I want to know whether you had with your ex-boyfriend or not, because I saw that video and it’s always the woman who showed hurt and discomfort on her face.”

“Do we have to talk about right now?”

“Well, would you rather for me to talk about it with someone else? I only have you as my sister –wait, I have Destiny! I should –”

“No!” Yerim cuts me off, “For fu – fun’s sake!”

“Were you about to curse?”

“Shut up!” She groans. “I didn’t and I haven’t.” She says after some minutes passed. “Mom told me to wait until at least I’m 20. Can you believe that?” She lets out another scoff. Actually I can. “Half of my friends are already lost their ity, because we’re in our last year of high school! And trust me, more will lost it at prom night later!”

“I’m glad.” I tell her.

“You’re glad that I’m still a ?”

“I don’t know what means, but I’m glad you didn’t get hurt from the .”

Yerim stares at me, “Why are you so sure that is hurt?”

“Because in the video, they’re like this,” I make a face, shut my eyes tight and scrunch my nose, “And they grip on the sheet really tight! And sometime they scream!”

My sister laughs, “Oh, Squirt…”

“Why?”

“Nothing,” Yerim still giggles.

“What’s so funny?”

“I said nothing!” She chuckles.

I roll my eyes in annoyance and then our Aunty Joy is already there out of nowhere. It’s normal. She never rings the doorbell. “Aw, I’m glad you two are in a good term now.” She says, announcing her arrival. My sister and I exchange glance, “Joohyun will be late. She has meeting with vendor. Seulgi and Seungwan will be late too. I get to babysit you. So, dinner?” She lifts a paper bag that has Mama’s café brand on it.

“I’ll set up the table.” Yerim offers and then she head to the dining room.

“You’re done with your homework?” Desire asks.

“Halfway there, Bud.” I tell him and he grins.

“Can I see?”

“You don’t need to ask.” I say and get disapproving glare from Destiny. She rarely lets us copy her homework, no fun. She’s the smartest among us. She should help us, but nope.

We eat dinner together and after that we gather at living room again. Yerim is with Destiny. My sister loves having her around. I guess when you’re smart and you meet another smart person, you’ll just automatically click or something. Or maybe Yerim likes Destiny because she’s not asking her a stupid question like me. Wait, I don’t ask stupid question. But anyway… I’m playing PS with Desire now.

I do have that video game console, I just don’t play it that much, because I’d rather play outside like riding my bike around the neighborhood. I’d rather play soccer for real than play FIFA here. So yeah, I’m not addicted to PlayStation. Desire is just the same. We’re already bored playing this soccer game.

“Boys,” My ‘Ty Joy calls us. “Enough with the game, come here.” We comply obediently. “Yerimie, get your laptop here.”

My sister knits her brow, “What? Why do you need my laptop?”

I chuckle, “Yerim won’t let us borrow her laptop, ‘Ty Joy. There are still a lot photos of her and her ex – aw!” She throws a magazine at me and it lands right on my face.

“Served you right,” Yerim scoffs. “I’ll go get it.” She says to ‘Ty Joy. A minute later she already comes back with her laptop. It’s already on, because she doesn’t want anyone knows her password. “Here,” She gives it to ‘Ty Joy.

Our Aunty puts the laptop on her lap and starts typing something. Destiny curiously peeks into the screen but she tells her ‘later’. Destiny is always an obedient kid, so she complies. I’m curious too! I can tell Yerim and Desire are also curious. I mean, what is she doing? ‘Ty Joy is always rainbow and sunshine in my eyes, so seeing her serious like this is weird a little bit.

“Alright, kids,” She places the laptop on the table and motions us to gather near her. All of us have eyes on the laptop. “What do you see?”

Yerim gasp and tries to close her laptop, “Aunty Sooyoung!” Woops, she calls her by her real name. ‘Ty Joy blocks her from doing so.

“It’s okay, Yerimie. I wanna give a lesson or two for these kids. Maybe you could get something from it too.” ‘Ty Joy reasons.

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