I told Joo Yeon to meet me at the café near house after office hours. I have a surprise for her and I can't wait till we're home. From inside the café, I saw Yoo Chun’s car dropped her on the side street then she walked in.

"What's the rush? Why don't we meet at home?" She called the waiter and ordered an apple juice.

I took out a white envelop from my suit pocket and put it in front of her. She frowned but then took it and found four tickets inside. She took them out.

"What is this?"

"Tickets for our family to spent holiday this weekend." I smiled.

Her eyebrows narrowed. "Eh?"

"Actually it's a gift for Abuji's birthday in two days so I thought we can celebrate by going on a holiday together."

I thought at least she could show some enthusiasm with my plan but she kept silent and stared at the tickets.

"What's wrong?"

She stared at me. "Mianhae Jae, but I can't come."

I waited.

"You shouldn't inform me so sudden like this. Yoo Chun and I will attend a seminar in Japan."

"No problem. What time is your flight back? I'll re-schedule the time."

"I come back on Sunday."

I frowned. "Stay over?"

"Hm."

I fell silent. She and Yoo Chun will stay over? I don't like it. "Abuji and Omma already know about this?"

"Ne. I told them yesterday."

"And then?" Deep inside my heart, I really wish dad and mom didn't give their permission.

"What do you mean?"

I feel unease right now. "Did they give permission to you?"

"Yes, I got their permission. Why?"

Her answer makes me speechless. I rested my back on the chair and looked around the cafe. I don't know what to say. We both fell silent. Joo Yeon looked at me, feeling guilty.

"You should go with Appa and Omma. Maybe you can ask Hye Rin too."

She shouldn't mention Hye Rin in a situation like this.

"Why do you always bring her in?" I didn't realize I raise my voice to her. "This is our family occassion."

My anger spread to her. She stared at me annoyed. "Why do you angry? I only gave suggestion to you so the ticket isn’t wasted."

"Then why don't you cancel your trip with Yoo Chun so the ticket can be useful?"

"What?"

"Cancel it!"

"You don't have the right to order me to cancel it! I'll still go."

We both stared at each other in anger. I felt angry and it's not because she can't join in the family holiday but more because I'm jealous. I don't want her to go alone with Yoo Chun and stay over. My mind is wandering around on what will happen between them in Japan. The hell with that! I will not let her go. I took my cell phones on the table and start looking for Yoo Chun's number. She sensed what I'm doing.

"Who are you calling?"

"Yoo Chun."

She widened her eyes. "For what?"

"Tell him that we had a family trip."

She immediately strecthed her hand across the table and grabbed my phone. "Don't be ridiculous, Jae. This is your fault. If only you inform me earlier, I could've made it."

I fell silent. I knew it's just only 4 days left before the trip.

"That's it. I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

She rose from her chair and walked out from the cafe. I was still sitting on my chair for awhile before I finally chased her. She was waiting for a taxi on the side street. When I walked towards her, a taxi stopped in front of her. She opened the taxi door but I managed to grab her hand before she got inside. She turned around.

"Jae!"

I pulled her to my side and talked to the taxi driver. "Mianhae, ahjussi. We're not gonna ride it."

The taxi driver looked confused but he nodded. I closed the door and the taxi drove away.

"What's wrong with you? Let me go!" She tried to pull her hand from my grip but I held it tight.

"You should go back with me."

"No!" She burst out and her left hand started to punch my chest. I caught her hand to stop it but she keeps on struggling. "You selfish bastard. I hate you!"

"I love you." The words slipped out from my mouth while she keeps struggling in my arms.

That's it.

I said it.

She widened her eyes and stared at me in confusion.

*****

"I love you."

My hands stop punching him immediately and we both stared at each other in shock. He let go of my hands. Silence weighted the air. None of us wanted to talk first, we both busy with our own thoughts. The traffic noise behind me became our background music. After few minutes in silence, I decided to throw myself out from this awkward situation. I turned around to stop another taxi.

On my way to home, I can't stop but to think about those words he said to me. Is he kidding with me? And why do I leave him just like that? I looked out through the taxi window to the street behind me, no sign from his car. Why he didn't stop me when I get into the taxi like he did before and why he didn't chase me now with his car? Does it mean that all the words he said were the truth? Argh, too many questions in my head and now I'm afraid to know the answers.

 

The alarm on my bedside table woke me up at 6.30. I felt a little bit dizzy when I rose from the bed but I don't have much time to waste. I walked to the bathroom and took a quick shower. At seven, I stepped down to the dining room where all my family was already there for breakfast, including Jae Joong. I can't stare him in the eyes but I can feel that his eyes were kept on watching me.

"Omma, I'm leaving now."

I quickly left the table and walked out from the dining room before mom and dad have the chance to interrogate me. Three days in a row I went to work alone by bus and during those days, Jae Joong and I still haven't had a proper talk like we used to. I always answered shortly whenever he tried to talk to me. I don't want my parents grew suspicion on me.

Tomorrow, only my parents who will depart to Jeju because mom told me yesterday that she's going on honeymoon again. It means Jae Joong cancel his ticket.

"Honey."

I felt something touched my cheek and I was shocked when I saw Yoo Chun was standing beside me.

"Sorry I startled you."

"It's okay. I was just thinking about something but I guess I was a lil' bit taken away."

"What are you thinking of?" He smiled while caressed my hair.

"Uh...about tomorrow." I have to lie.

"Really? You looked so excited about Japan."

I smiled shyly. "I haven't been there before."

"I'll take you to look around after the seminar ends."

"Okay." I smiled.

"By the way, Jae Joong is on his way here."

"Ye?"

"I can't send you home today and such a coincidence, Jae Joong called. He said he need to talk to you so he's gonna pick you up."

Oh, no. I'm not ready to meet him right now. I panicked and blabbering. "Please tell him that I'm already taken off."

I glanced to the clock on my desk, 5.40. Just about the right time to took off from here as fast as I could. I quickly turned off the computer, locked the cabinet and grabbed my bag on the back desk. Yoo Chun grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Hey—"

I stood on my place and looked at him. He looks confused, his eyebrows narrowed.

"What happened? Why do you panic?"

"Ah." I looked down, avoiding his eyes. "I just remember that I had an appointment with my friend."

"Really? Okay then. Let me call him." I waited while he took out his phone and start calling. "No answer."

"Err-but I gotta go now. Just tell him that I'm already late and need to taken off first."

"Alright. Be careful."

He sent me to the elevator then gave me light kiss on the lips.

"Bye."

When the elevator reached ground floor, I quickly walked to the taxi queue line on the lobby. There were five peoples in front of me waiting on the line and there's no sign that the taxi will come soon. What am I gonna do now?  Please God, don't make me bump onto him today. I decided to queue for the taxi for five more minutes. From indistinct, I heard someone called my name and the voice sounds familiar to me. I glanced and my eyes bumped into his, Jae Joong saw me.

I pretend I didn't hear him and walked out from the queue line, heading to the streets but he managed to chase me with his car. He stopped his car on the side street then stepped out. I increased my walking speed but he quickly catched my steps. He blocked my way with his body and stared at me.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don’t."

I tried to walk pass his body but I can't, he kept on blocking me from walking through. I think we already drew too much attention cause the passerby start looking at us now.

"Please, Joo Yeon ah. How long do you plan to run from me?"

"I-I'm not running from you." I took a deep breath. "I just think that...there's nothing we need to talk about."

"I need to explain about my words I said to you couple days ago."

I fell silent. I can feel that all eyes and ears are waiting to hear something from us. I don't want that happen so I agreed to follow him to his car. He drove to the park near our house. I remembered the last time I was here with Jae Joong after the incident with Min Woo and he helped me out from that scary place. I walked towards an empty chair. Jae Joong followed and sat beside me. Neither of us talked for minutes until Jae Joong start talking.

"I'm sorry for what happened couple days ago. I can't control my feelings."

I turned to look at him but he kept staring to the front.

"Please tell me that you're only joking with me that day."

He stood up and put his hand into his pants’ pocket then walked few steps away. "That's what I'm feeling for you. And I never regret that it grows on me everyday even though I know you're with Yoo Chun now, my best friend."

It's his turn to look at me now and somehow, my heart beat crazily. Since when does he start loving me?

"Jae, I—"

"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to forget everything I said to you and act like we used to be." He smiled to me. "It's late. Let's go home."

He started walking, heading back to his car but I still sit on the chair and think about what he said earlier here. I don't get it. How can he ask me to forget everything he said that day so easily and go back like we used to? Unless I lost my memories, I don't think I will be able to fulfill his request.

 

Today, mom and dad were heading to Jeju. Hwang Tae Ahjussi will send them to the airport. I haven't see Jae Joong since morning, he also didn't show up when my parents leave the house. I opened my bedroom door and stared at the door in front of me, closed. I sighed. I closed the door then go back to my room. Sitting on the bedside, I looked emptily to my empty luggage that needs to be filled before Yoo Chun came to picked me in two hours.

 From last night until now, all I can think about is Jae Joong. I knew something must be wrong with me. I tried couple times to tell myself that I'm going to Japan with Yoo Chun but it always failed. I kept on thinking about him. I laid my body on the bed and stared to the ceiling.

"Joo Yeon ah."

Someone's calling me. I opened my eyes and found Jae Joong is staring at me from the bedside. I shocked and immediately rose from the bed.

"Yoo Chun is waiting for you dow—"

"Holy crap!" I looked at the watch. "I fell asleep and haven't packed my clothes."

I ran here and there panickly, grabbed my clothes from the closet without choosing them again then go to the bathroom and grabbed the toiletries. This is what you get if you think too much, I said to myself.

"Joo Yeon ah."

"Hm." I locked my luggage and looked at him.

"Catch your breath and get ready. I'll bring down your luggage first. Happy holiday."

I don't know why I feel disappointed when he said that but I don't know what I expect from him to say. I stood up and he took my luggage. He was about to walk out from my room when I reflexed grab his arm and stopped him. He turned around.

"What is it?"

"Uhh...thanks."

We stared at each other for seconds before he finally smiled and left me alone in my room.

 

Our plane landed in Japan at four o'clock. The seminar will start tomorrow but we need to re-register today so after we put our luggage in the hotel room, Yoo Chun and I headed to the ballroom. While queuing for the registration, Yoo Chun met some of his colleagues.

"Well it means I only have to wait for the invitation from you."

Yoo Chun is talking with Lee Jung Hwan, a friend from his college which coincidentally registered at the same seminar. He laughed at his words. "How about you?"

"Nah. It's still a long way to go for me. Perhaps Joo Yeon ssi has friends to recommend?"

I laughed. "Yoo Chun has more girl friends than I do."

"Ow, you're just like the old days. Then introduce someone for me."

"I introduced you to so many women since we're in college but still no one ever suit with your type. I thought it's useless."

"Relax. Now I know what kind of girl I want."

Jung Hwan winked to me and Yoo Chun saw it.

"Don't even think about it."

Jung Hwan burst into laughter when he saw Yoo Chun's serious reaction. He tapped Yoo Chun's shoulder lightly. "Take it easy man. Just give me another one with the same type as her." Jung Hwan's phone suddenly rang. He picked it up and talked for couple minutes before turned back to us. "I gotta go now, I still have meeting. I'll call you when I go back to Seoul." And then he walked away.

The clock's just pointing to six but I'm hungry already. I'm sure my stomach didn't make any protesting noise but Yoo Chun seems to know it. He took me to his favorite restaurant everytime he's in the town. The waiter took us to the corner table with huge window so that we can see the garden through it. The seat is a little bit private, secluded from the crowd.

"Tomorrow I'll take you tour around the city." He smiled.

"I wanna buy something for Appa and Omma."

He raised one of his eyebrows. "Jae Joong?"

"Ah, yes. Him too. I forgot to mention him." I tried to smile to hide my anxiousness cause everytime I heard his name, my heart start beating unsteady.

"By the way, Omma asked me about our relationship few days ago."

"Huh?"

"She asked when we will get married." He took my hand.

"Then what did you say?"

"I told her that I'm gonna discuss it with you."

I really don't know what to say. I felt nothing when it should be the opposite. I should feel excited about it right? The most happiness moment in a relationship for a woman is when the man asked you to marry him but why it doesn't happen to me?

"Honey."

"Ne."

"What is it?" He scrubbed my hand. "I saw you're busy with your own thoughts since we left Seoul."

"Ah, nothing. I'm okay."

I smiled and he smiled back to me. That's Yoo Chun. He knew me too well. He knew that if I wanted to tell him something, I probably have told him so he never forced me. We went back to our hotel after nice dinner. My room is next door to his but he won't let me walk alone, he insisted to walk me until the front door. I smiled with his silliness.

"Here I am, safely arrived in front of my room. You can go back now, Yoo Chun ssi." I laughed.

He just smiled and didn't say anything. Before I even realized, he already bent down his head and kiss my lips. I think it last for couple seconds before he pull back his head and stared at me. I stared back at him and smiled.

"Night, Yoo Chun ssi."

I just inserted my card on the door handle and opened it when Yoo Chun grabbed my arm and turned me back. It happens so fast that I don't have time to think of anything except the taste of his lips on mine now. This kiss is different from the previous kiss few minutes ago. It's fierier and more passionate that he kept pushing his lips to mine until we're inside my room now.

He backed me against a wall and explored my mouth while his hands were everywhere, slid down my neck then farther down gliding over my skin. My hands, which previously lay on his chest, now were slowly rose up to combed his hair. Maybe he feels my move as an invitation so he moves further. He pulled me from the wall and walked to the bed with our lips still attached to each other. He kissed his way down my throat and all of the sudden I'm already laying on the bed with him on top of me.

"I love you."

He whispered those three words on my ear before go back to taste my lips again. I know he's already turn on but for me, those three words just like cold water pouring on my head. Out of nowhere, Jae Joong's face is start to forming on my mind and his 'I love you' words were filling my head.

I can feel Yoo Chun's hands start crawling under my shirt and taste the skin beneath it. I let him move that far because I think he's my boyfriend and what we do is a normal thing for couples. But when Jae Joong's face won't get out from my head and I feel like I can see him everywhere, I knew I can't do it. I stopped him when he's in the middle of ing my shirt. I held his hands on the third button and he stared at me. I shook my head.

Yoo Chun let go of his hands from my body and released me from beneath his body then sat on the bedside. I joined him. We both were busy tidy up our clothes. He pushed his shirt into his pants and combed his hair with hands while I buttoned up my shirt. We both busy with our own thoughts so neither me or him were speaking at the moment. I gathered my strength to speak first. I owned him an explanation.

"I'm sorry for turn you on at first but only to stop you in the middle. I don't think I can do it, Yoo Chun ssi."

I don't know what I expected from him to react but surely it surprised me when he stared at me with his tender eyes and his hand carressed my cheek.

"It's alright. Maybe I was too hurried and make you shock."

No, it's not your fault and you don't have to apologize. My heart wanted to scream out the words but of course I can't because I'm such a coward. I can only stared at him and fell silent. I really feel like a traitor. How can, in the time like this, my heart and mind were somewhere else it shouldn't be?

"Okay, I'll go back to my room. Take a rest."

He kissed my forehead then rose from the bed and walked to the door when all I can do is just sit on the bedside watching him walked out from my room.

This is so unlike me and it's all because of Jae Joong.