Rejection. It is the word that I really hated the most. It makes me think that I'm less of a human. It makes me sad. It makes me think that I am the lowest form of life. Some take rejection as their armor to problems, they think that rejection makes them do their best. But for me, rejection is nothing but a very bad thing.

3 YEARS AGO...

"HEY, you lazy brat! We don't need you here! You can go anywhere you want and never come back if you want to! We don't care." My mother shouted. Her words were like millions of knives chopping my heart into pieces. I fought my tears back because I don't want her to see me crying, thinking that I'm weak.

Instead of remaining silent, I defended myself. I'm the type of person who does not want to just stay quiet and never defend myself when all they do is to say hurtful things at me.

"It's your sole fault. You raised a child like me. I just hoped that when I was still on your womb, you just killed me! So that I would never be experiencing this misery and you could just live your life without me." I said, anger was in my eyes. I'm used to it; everyday fighting with my mother telling me that she wishes I'm not her child .

In our previous arguments, I'm not showing much reactions. I'm just listening to what she says and after that, I go to my room and cry silently at the middle of the night and then forget everything. I admit I'm a bad child, but what can I do? My mother forced me to be so.

"Don't shout at me, you rascal! Can't you feel that I hate you? Why can't you just die, huh? And why are you like that, huh? When I were on the same age as you, I'm not like that! Where did you get that attitude, huh?!" My mother said, looking at me in full anger.

I just stared at her coldly, my throat starting to sore because of fighting back the tears that wanted to fall. I composed myself first while thinking of a good reply. A reply that I want to see a hurt expression in my mother. But of course I knew that won't happen because her heart was made of rock when it comes to me.

"You were asking why I am like this, mother? It is because of you! You made me like this. Since I was a child, you always say hurtful things with me when all I do is to be closer to you. You always blame me for everything when in fact, you should be the one to be blamed. You know, I can kill myself just to make you happy. That's how I love you even if you don't love me. But please don't kill me like this! you're killing me slowly by slowly that it hurts so much that I want to die everytime I see you. If you're doing this because I am not your true child, just tell me! I would stay out of your life and we go our separate ways." I said, tears started to fell. I ran on my room and locked myself in.

"Why me? Why can't I just die?" I thought as I hugged my teddy bear.

"She always blame me for everything. When a mistake was made, she doesn't hear my side. And instead, blame it on me instantly.Hear hurtful words that would affect the way I look at myself. She took my happiness away. I always pray to God that I want my mother to love me. I want to experience how to be loved by her and if my life is the payment for that wish, I am willing to trade it just to feel her love even for just a day.

Reject, she always rejects me.

It hurts so much to see that everytime I look at her, HATRED is the only emotion I can see...