It’s always unsettling to be awakened by the sound of people in your room. I hear a quiet murmur and sense people staring at me. I refuse to open my eyes and try my best to go back to sleep, but the room it too full of anticipation.

“We know you’re awake.” Kris announces suddenly. I jump a bit, shocked that he noticed, but more shocked that he’s here. More shuffles and some noises of surprise. Obviously they noticed my movement.

“I told you.” Why does Kris always have to be so smug? I feel the bed dip beside me.

“Hyung?” Sehun asks hesitantly. “It’s time to get up…” I lay still. Maybe they’ll go away if I don’t move. They aren’t supposed to be here.

“Come on Joonmyun hyung, we have to go.” Jongin is here too huh? Wait…go? How long have they been here? And why do I care if they have to go? A smack.

“Kai, what’s wrong with you?” D.O. snaps. I wasn’t supposed to know, huh? Figures, no one tells me anything anymore. I’m too “fragile”. There’s a shuffle and I can imagine Jongin rubbing his neck in embarrassment.

“Leave him alone, Kyungsoo-ah. He was going to find out anyways.” Xuimin murmurs.

“Come on guys, let’s do this.” Kris orders. There’s shuffling and stuff being moved around with much thudding and commotion. It’s altogether too loud and annoying, and if any of you break my stuff so help me…!

Finally the noise leaves my room and travels outside. There are doors slamming and the sound of an engine starting up.

                I feel Sehun’s weight shift as he leans towards me and places a hand delicately on my hip.

                “It’s time to go, Suho hyung.” he says gently. Ok, goodbye and good riddance. Oh, and don’t come back while you’re at it. But his weight stays. I sense someone leaning close to me.

                “Won’t you open your eyes?” Yixing asks altogether too close to my face. I can smell the toothpaste on his breath.

                “He probably just doesn’t want to look at us…” Chanyeol says sadly.

                “No,” I’m startled by the sound of my mother’s voice.  “He hasn’t opened them since the day he got here.” There’s a collective gasp and I can feel their eyes turn to me.

                “Not even once?” Baekhyun squeaks. A horn blares and Sehun bounces a bit on the bed.

                “Let’s go,” Chanyeol says. “Lay, will you grab the last of his things? Sehun get the door, Baek can you make sure there’s room? I’ll carry Joonmyun hyung.” Finally they’re leav-

                Wait…WHAT?!

                Chanyeol’s arms wrap around my emaciated frame and lift me easily from the bed. I’m tempted to thrash, fight, and scream…anything. But I’m too tired, too weak, and I can’t bring my body to respond to my orders. My mother walks up to me and rests her palm on my cheek.

                “Goodbye, Joonmyun.” A pause. “I know they’ll take good care of you.” Again, the pause. “Joonie-ah…won’t you look at me? Please?” I hear tears in her voice. It hurts me, but I’m scared. What will I see? What if this is all a dream? What if I’m still back there? What if it isn’t real? What if…what if…

                My body starts trembling and my breathing gets faster. Chanyeol’s arms tighten and he presses his nose to my hair trying to comfort me.

                “Joonmyun! What’s wrong?” My mother’s grabs my hand and squeezes. I can sense her fear, her hope, her love for me…I can’t leave her. I can’t! Where am I going? What’s happening?

                “It’s alright, baby…it’s okay.” She whispers. “Umma’s here…shhh….” She my cheek. Against my will I feel my eyes crack open. Sheer terror rips through me as painful light stabs my eyes. I can’t see anything. I freeze.

                It wasn’t real. I never should have opened my eyes, I’m not home. I never was I’m still-

                My mother’s face swim’s hazily into view. Her face is streaked with tears, but a beautiful smile graces her eyes.

                “Oh, my Joonie…my little boy.” She whispers. She kisses my cheek and my face. I blink painfully trying to let my eyes adjust from their three month vacation. Thank god the lights are out.

                I hear a gasp from Sehun, and I can feel Channie’s lips twisting into a grin through my hair. My mother steps back and I can see Sehun standing by the door to my room. I’m carried out of my room towards the front door.

                “I would close your eyes for a bit, hyung.” Sehun says. But I can’t. I’m too worried that now that I’ve opened my eyes, if I close them I’ll never open them again. Chanyeol shifts me a bit in his arms so that my head rests in the crook of his neck, successfully hiding my eyes from the sun.

                Unconsciously I bury my face deeper into him as we step outside into the blinding rays. I feel Chanyeol tremble a bit, probably disgusted by me. I know I would be…

                I can hear Kris saying something to my mother, who calls another goodbye to me as we walk towards the sidewalk. There’s shuffling and I feel myself placed in a car. Someone else’s arms pull me close as several other bodies slide in. A door slams and I flinch, I shoot up and look around frantically for an escape route. More doors slam, echoing in through my memories like jagged pieces of glass. They rip through my soul and drag with them that time…that time when…

                My heart races, I start to panic. I feel myself freezing up, my vision is getting blurry. There’s shapes…endless shapes, swimming, moving, coming closer.

                And then black…everything is black…there’s so much noise…they’re grabbing me, hurting me, forcing me to fight them. They’re …… my hair? That’s not…

                I come to in Luhan’s arms. His hand in running through my hair, his voice is whispering comfort in my ear. I’m not with them…I’m here. I’m with EXO. And even if they aren’t what I thought they were, they’re better than the alternative. I start to relax, feeling someone rubbing my back and several pairs of hands on my shoulders, head, knees, and back.

                I lift my head and look around. My members are watching me with concerned eyes; Kris is turned around in the front seat watching me closely, a hand on my knee. Tao stops moving his hands up and down my back as I turn. He snuggles close to me as Luhan helps hook my seatbelt.

                The tension fades slowly and Kris gives me one more worried look before he puts the van in drive and moves off. I turn to watch my house fade away and feel Tao slip his hand comfortingly into mine. I turn to look at him with blank eyes. He smiles and forces my head against his shoulder.

                I see Kris glance back but he ignores it, Luhan places a hand on my knee. I see Kai turn in the passenger seat to look at me for a moment before he turns back to the road.

I’m exhausted.  The whole ordeal has taken what little strength I had in me. And despite my best efforts my eyes start to close. I tremble a bit, terrified that maybe I won’t wake up in the van with EXO but back…there.

                But Tao’s warmth starts to lull me to sleep, and when he places an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close I can’t fight it off anymore. I fall once again into sleep’s waiting arms as Tao holds me closer to him.

______

Ahahaha! Sorry guys...I know the first chapter is super angsty...the rest are probably going to be like that. But! There will be some sweet moments too (I hope...>XD) Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think, creative advice and friendly comments are always welcome! See you soon! ^_^

Cheers!