I’m staring out a window admiring the clouds and hoping that the clear skies and plane’s engine will be enough to dull my painful flashbacks. Somehow EXO managed to get their hands on a private jet. Probably the work of my parents and, or SM. Figures that they’d want to keep me away from the rest of the world. They’re probably too ashamed of me to let the fans see me. I frown. What would the fans think if they saw me like this?

I cringe at the thought. Baekhyun sits next to me, watching me carefully, and alert of any signs of another “attack” as they’ve dubbed it. They had apparently decided that I shouldn’t be left alone, ever. Not even for one second. It’s as if they think that I actually want to be near them after everything. I huff in frustration, refusing to give into the vocalist’s attempts to get my attention.

I didn’t even get the chance to ask where we were going. I just woke up here, apparently I had been sleeping for hours and they just decided to carry me onto the aircraft instead of waking me up and letting me walk. But that’s not too surprising; everyone has been making decisions for me the past four months.

It’s not that I’m surprised that they decided to shoot me off somewhere to stay; I’ve overheard my counselor talking to my parents about it several times. He kept saying how it would be good for me to get away and just rest, work on my problems…somewhere completely new. I had just never expected him to send the whole of EXO along with me.

My reflection shatters my thoughts. I stare at it for a moment; not even realizing that’s it’s me. My skin is dull and more pale than usual. My lips are dry, nearly cracking without their usual red color. There are dark circles under my eyes mirroring the gaunt hollows of my cheeks. As I stare I catch my own gaze, my eyes stare back blank and lifeless, like the eyes of a creature in one of Tao’s horror films.

I reel backwards in terror staring straight ahead trying to rid myself of the awful image. Baekhyun sits forward sharply and turns to me in concern.

“Hyung, are you alright?” His voice rouses the rest of the group. Jongdae pulls out his headphones and walks over to me. I shiver and try to shake free of the awful image, growling inwardly at my panicky state. Baekhyun places a hand to my forehead as if I have a fever. His hand prickles uncomfortably against my overly sensitive skin and I flinch away. Baekhyun looks offended and hurt but I just glare.

“Suho hyung?” Chen asks kneeling in front of me. I refuse to look him in the eyes. What if I see myself in his eyes? I don’t want to see that face again. His hands rest on my knees comfortingly and he smiles at me.

“It’s okay to be scared.” he says. I want to laugh, but I can’t. That’s not what they thought a few months ago, before…

Suddenly I’m overcome with anger. I glare fiercely and jerk myself out of their grasps and struggle to my feet. I don’t want to be near them, any of them. Everyone stops what they’re doing and stares at me. Jongin, Kris, and Lay shoot to their feet and hurry towards me. I try to snarl at them but it comes out as a whimper.

My throat hurts…it’s not used to making noise. I stumble a bit and throw out my hands, one to steady myself, the other to stop them. I can do it myself. I don’t need you guys. Hot rage is boiling within me, but I push it away. When you’re thousands of feet in the air, in a pressurized capsule, and taking your first steps in months it really isn’t the best time for fighting.

Every step is agony and I can feel my face visibly twisting, and contorting. There’s a pained squeak from Tao, and Luhan and I can see Kai moving to intercept me with a determined expression plastered to his face. But Kris throws out a hand to stop him.

Kai stops and stutters in confusion and fury.

“Kris hyung, what are you-?”

“Just let him.” Kris orders.

“But hyung…” Kyungsoo says gaping at him. Kris makes a face and holds firm. I can see the rest seething, but he just nods to me. Somehow he understands that I need this small freedom. I just frown and continue my painful trek towards the couch on the far side of the room as twelve pairs of eyes follow me.

__________________________

                Nearly thirteen hours later the plane lands at our mystery destination. I’m tired even though I slept almost the entire trip and my legs are still sore, but I feel at least a small sense of accomplishment at walking by myself. I inwardly sigh realizing that’s the first thing that I’ve done on my own since the incident.

                Kris walks over to me and looks at me questioningly. I stare back blankly.

                “Do you want us to carry you?” he asks. I’m visibly startled. Nobody has asked me what I want in months; it’s always their decision, their choice. It doesn’t matter what I want, I’m too damaged to make any decisions. I want to say no, but the throbbing in my legs is telling me to accept. So, I just sit there. Kris starts to look a bit impatient and he raises an eyebrow. I can see his hands moving towards me and I bounce quickly to my feet. He smiles and takes a step back.

                “I guess that’s a no?” I set my jaw and start walking forward. The pain feels less this time, but maybe that’s just because I know what to expect. Halfway to the door I can feel my legs giving out and I start stumbling. Kris gives me a look but I stubbornly keep walking until I miss step and nearly fall.

                Kris’ hand snaps out and grabs me. He pulls me to my feet and wraps an arm around my waist while wrapping my arm around his. I lean on him, my face burning with shame, but I can’t deny his help at this point.

At least he’s helping me walk instead of carrying me. That is if you can call me leaning almost completely on him walking. As we step outside I’m greeted with a blast of frigid air. I curl closer to Kris and hide my face from the cold. He looks down at me.

“Can you stand for a second?” he asks. I just look at him and he carefully leans away. I’m a tad wobbly, but the railing on the stairs gives me support. Kris quickly pulls off his jacket and throws it over my shoulders.

“Sorry, Canadian winters are a bit cold.” I feel my eyes widen. So we’re in Canada, huh? Well that’s unique at least. Kris crouches in front of me and gestures to me.

“Get on.” I take a hesitant step forward. Pros, if I get on his back I don’t have to walk, and it will be warmer. Besides I don’t even know if I can walk down the stairs. Cons, if I do I give them the satisfaction of me following orders, and I’ll be that much closer to having to be friends with them again. I frown. But Kris seems different than the rest. He’s being more concerned and helpful than usual, but he’s also the only one giving me a choice…

For another moment a stand lost in thought, and then I place my arms delicately around his neck. He locks my legs around his arms and walks carefully down the steps. I bury my face in his back trying to avoid the snow, and hoping that maybe he isn’t like the rest of them.

When we reach the ground he looks over his shoulder as if asking if I want down. I tighten my grip and snuggle closer, too tired and cold to walk. He bounces me up on his back and walks the rest of the way to the car with me clinging to him like a child.

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Heloo again all! More angst, yay! XD Suho really needs to cheer up, maybe we should give him some ice cream, eh?

Anywho, the wedding yesterday was great! Tons of fun and they are so cute together! I may be absent for a couple days here. My bf is coming over tonight. (Wee!! So excited!!) And he's taking me to the zoo tomorrow! (Even more excited!!!) So, I will be busy, and probably tired. ^_^

Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. See you soon!

Cheers!