“…don’t…don’t leave me again…” Suho’s broken and desperate whisper shakes me to the core. As he drifts quickly off to sleep I sit motionless, my heart aching.

“Lay hyung, are you okay?” Tao asks. I look up at him in a daze.

“I’m…fine.” I stand slowly, trying not to jostle the broken angel in my arms. Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I force them back.

Now is not the time.

“I’ve…got to put him to bed.” I croak. Kris and Luhan look at me curiously but they don’t try to stop me as I stagger by. Clutching Joonmyun closer to myself I trek down the seemingly endless path to his room. My thoughts drift aimlessly to different places.

From the moment when Suho left for that interview, to when we finally saw him again three weeks later, to the painful knowledge of why he’s hiding from us. He’s crumbling before our eyes and we’re helpless to do anything because we are the problem.

 I clench my eyes shut. I have no idea how I’m going to break it to everyone else.

With delicate precision I slip into Suho’s room and place him under the sheets. He lets out a small whine and cuddles deeper under the blankets. I smile sadly and touch his cheek.

“I’m so sorry Su…”

______________________

“Yixing…” I look up from my writing as my leader steps into my room. I frown. He looks so tired.

“What’s up?” I ask. Kris sighs and places a hand over his eyes.

“Can you meet me in my room?” I nod, confused. He drops his hand and walks out.

“I’ll be there in a second…”

I am mildly surprised to see Minseok already there. But when I question him he doesn’t seem to have any ideas about the sudden meeting either. We shrug and settle in to wait. I assume Kris wants some advice, but usually he goes to Joonmyun for that.

I frown. Come to think of it…I haven’t seen the tiny man in a couple days.

I push it from my mind. He’s probably visiting someone.

______________________

I sniff and Suho’s once glistening hair.

“I should have paid more attention…” I murmur to his fragile form, my mind glossing over all of his recent actions.

“I should have realized how you felt.” For a moment I just watch him rest. Even with the many scars covering his body Joonmyun is still one of Exo’s most attractive members. I cringe. My long finger grazes gently over the red mark that wraps from his left cheek over the bridge of his nose. I take a deep breath, steadying my tears.

“Joonmyun...I know you wouldn’t believe me if you could hear, but…I’m sorry.” I bow my head and lean into the bed, stifling a sob.

______________________

Kris closes the door silently and turns to the three of us. Luhan, who had entered with our leader just moments ago, looks at me quickly. From the expression on his face he doesn’t know any more than Xiumin and I do. Seconds tick by and we sit in awkward silence as Kris clears his throat several times. He opens his mouth but closes it almost as fast. With sluggish steps he staggers to his bed and collapses onto it. Nervousness prickles the back of my heart. There’s something very off here.

Why is Kris so tired? Why does he look like he’s trying not to cry? And if there’s a problem, why are the three of us here and not Joonmyun?

Kris drops his head into his hands with a sigh.

“Sit down.” He whispers. We exchange glances at his broken tone. For a moment he sits completely still, until finally he lifts his head and runs a hand over his face. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and looks at us in turn. His eyes are glossy with tears.

“Joonmyun…” he swallows. “…he’s missing.”

My world implodes with the force of a star. And all I can think as we digest the knowledge and then stand by our leader’s side as he breaks the news to the rest is that it should have been me.

______________________

“It was me…” My voice breaks.

“It’s my fault, Su. I was the one scheduled for that interview. I should have been the one there that day.” My hands tear at my hair.

“I should have been the one taken!” I fall into the blanket with tears coursing down my cheeks. I cry out all of my pain, all of my guilt, all of my pent up frustration. Everything that I’ve shut up inside comes pouring out as I cry.

“It should have been me!” I don’t know how much time passes, but I do know that it’s enough time for me to empty my heart out completely.

I tell Suho how guilty I feel. How much I miss him…how much we all miss him. I tell him about how lifeless we all were without him. I tell him how every night I would hear everyone sobbing, even Kris. Especially Kris. I tell him how the managers had to force us not to recklessly go searching. I tell him how I called his phone so many times, desperately trying to get him to come home. I tell him how if anyone is to blame, he should blame me. Not them. Not Exo.

It’s my fault anyways.

“I deserve it…” I lift my head to look over his face. I tiny smirk twitches at my mouth as I stare at his scrunched up expression. Softly I reach over and try to smooth out his frown lines.

“Yah…” I murmur. “You silly, you’re going to get wrinkles like that.” His face relaxes and I chuckle. There’s a kind of peace in the silence that surrounds us as we sit in the darkness with just the moonlight to light the room. I tilt my head. Suho looks almost ethereal in the glow.

“You really are an angel, Joonmyun.” I whisper.

______________________

Tao is sobbing in my arms again, his strong body heaving with pain. My heart clenches in sympathy for the boy. I understand what he’s going through, and I truly wish he could have been spared this.

“Why hyung…? Why?” he cries. I rub his back smoothly.

“We’ll find him soon, don’t worry.” I assure him. The panda glares up at me through his tears.

“Not if he doesn’t want to be found.” I sit back in shock, my eyes almost as wide as D.O.’s.

“What do you mean?” I ask. He pulls away.

“You know what I mean, hyung.” he spits. “Suho left us. And he’s not coming back.” I frown sternly and shake my head.

“Come on Tao, you know he’s not like that…” He jumps out of my arms trembling with rage.

“He left us! He left me!” he shouts. I stand up and grip his shoulders firmly.

“That’s not true.” I growl. Tao jerks away harshly and stalks around me towards the door.

“Then what do you expect me to believe?” He walks backward.

“That’s he’s lost?” He s blindly for the door.

“That he’s got amnesia? That he’s been kidnapped?” His hand touches the doorknob.

“That he’s…” His voice cracks. I take a step towards him, reaching out to him.

“Tao-”

“No hyung! Shut up!” He rips the door open. “If the only way I can believe he’s safe is if he abandoned us…then that’s what choose to believe!” He dashes through the door, wiping tears from his face.

“And you won’t convince me otherwise!” My door slams against the wall breaking me out of my trance. Outside I see Sehun staring listlessly at me, his eyes wide.

“Yixing hyung…?” he whispers. “Is Joonmyun hyung okay?” I close my eyes and massage my eyebrows.

“Hyung…?” Sehun’s lip is quivering. With a pang of guilt I force a smile onto my face and reach out to the tall boy, wrapping an arm around his head and pulling him into my chest.

“It’s okay Sehun. I’m sure he’s fine.” He nods, his hair tickling my chin. For a second he hugs me until I spy Luhan walking down the hall towards us. He gives me a quizzical look and then glances at Sehun. He’s baby face scrunches up sadly as he gestures for me to hand him over. I gently pry the boy’s arms from around my waist and turn him towards his favorite hyung.

“Go talk to Luhan hyung. Okay?” He nods and scampers away, trying to hold back tears. Luhan plants his feet as the blur of multi-colored fuzz slams into him and starts blubbering aimlessly.

I turn quickly and close my door. I lean against it for a second and release an exhausted breath. My throat heaves and I can feel sadness trying to overcome me. I dull my senses automatically, forcing all of my thoughts into the back of my mind where I hide my pain.

“I’m sorry guys…” I whisper. I know it’s my fault, but I can’t cry. Not when you all need me so badly.

______________________

“You have no idea what happens when you’re not here.” I say quietly as my hand treks blindly across his shoulders.

“You really are what holds us together.” I glance at him. “We need you so badly…” I make one more adjustment to his blankets before stumbling towards the door. Before I open it, I hesitate. Without turning I mumble a plea under my breath.

“Please forgive us Joonmyun…come back to us.” As silently as I can I leave the room, closing the door behind me.

________________

And here's chapter eighteen from Lay's POV! *throws sprinkles*

This one was super sad, it kind of made me a little depressed writing it but...*shurgs* I hope you guys like it! Who knew that Lay would be one of the most affected by the whole situation?

This chapter was really hard for me to figure it out, but I eventually got it. ^_^ It wa kind of funny...I thought it wasn't going to work out but the new direction actually is turning out pretty great! (In my opinion.) Sorry that it doesn't really say anything about what happened to Suho, but I figured that you guys needed some more insight into what happened with the rest of the group before things...*dramatic voice*...take an intense turn.

Brace yourselves! The next chapter will be up soon! (I hope...barring any unforseen events...like freak torados and such.)

I hop you all enjoy it, and don't forget tell me what you think! ^_^ I love to hear form you guys!

Cheers everyone! Thank you so much for all your support!

See you in chapter nineteen!