Review

title - 7/10

Unfortunately, this title is so overused and not that creative. Please hear me out as the two words that are your title are very vague. This title would neither catch my attention. But because of the vagueness, that makes it easy to relate back to the plot, which you did. You also capitalized and spelled it correctly.

description and foreword - 7/10

There were grammar errors, first of all. Below I corrected it, the corrections being in yellow.

Nam MinLian, a sweet lady in her 20s, loves K-Pop. She has always wanted to meet a K-Pop star, but unfortunately she can't because of her studies and conditions. She loves BIGBANG and others. Her ultimate bias is Kwon Jiyong, aka the most fashionable man you'll ever see, or G-Dragon. She loves other singers and bands, but always wanted to meet him.

I am Nam MinLian. I am half Chinese and lived in China for all my life I guess… I've been wanting to meet my bias, but I can't. One day, it all changes.

Anyway, I thought your description told a little much. Saying that it all changes is giving a lot away. Even so, I did expect it anyway because there are many stories out there like this. You also included character bios, which I don't mind, but here I'm not particularly fond of adding Big Bang and 2NE1 to the list because all you're doing is introducing the characters, which was already done and said right about the description. You didn't really even put their personalities like you did for MinLian and G-Dragon. And for MinLian and G-Dragon's bios, there were some grammatical errors, too. Please don't think bad of me for pointing out these things.

plot - 15/20

From the beginning, I knew this story would have it's clichés, the main character meeting their favorite idol being one of them. The whole story revolves around that, so I was looking for little things that were add-ons to the story, but seemed original. There were some original points, and I would say to keep on doing that. The little things are what really stands out in this story to me, rather than her only having four months to live. Still, the fact that she only has four months to live was proved wrong and you gave the story a happy ending. Yay! Anyway, I also liked how you made G-Dragon dating someone because otherwise, I would've said that this story would be too easy. They need hardships before getting to each other, which is what you did. I did think this story was unrealistic at times, though. This girl who only has four months to live gets to live with her idol? And he just brushed her away because he's going out with someone else? I would think that G-Dragon has a heart. So then they get along, and they get married? Lucky! Too good to be true, though. Other than that, the grammar effects the plot as well. If you have insufficient grammar, people will be distracted by it. I'll get more into grammar later, though. I'd also recommend to not put pictures in your story. Of course, it's up to you, but I'd rather see your ability to describe the pictures in your own words.

characterization - 7.5/10

Basically, I could understand the personalities of your characters perfectly. For future reference, don't be afraid to throw in a moment where the main character and the idol featuring in a fic have a moment and they learn a little bit about their personality because not only are the characters learning, but so are we readers and it's easier to analyze what type of person they are. Anyway, I thought some of their actions were a bit rushed, but that'll go mostly into the flow section. Their actions, too, like I said above, were a bit unrealistic so that's why I gave you this score. Overall, it was pretty good, but everyone can improve.

grammar and spelling - 6/10

There were many things, and I can't go over all of them. In a nutshell, I'll tell you what I can help you with and for the future you can request a beta reader to fix your grammar before you send the chapter out so that it's all spiffy. So you usually make run-on sentences, which you can easily fix by just ending the sentence whenever you can rather than adding more and more because then the sentence just resembles a cramped room full of drunk people. Your habit of run-on sentences actually started fading more and more as the story went on, which I like to see because it means you're improving. You also tend to use the wrong form of a word, which I don't really know how to explain, so here is a website I found that addresses this issue: http://www.english-for-students.com/Tenses.html You also use some Korean language in your story. I wouldn't advise doing that because not everyone will know what it means, therefore not understanding parts of your story. There is more, but I don't know how to cover it all. I do want to help you, so if you do end up getting a beta reader my advice is to ask them how they are fixing your story so then you can learn from them.

flow - 7/10

Last but not least, there is the flow. I mentioned that the characters actions were a bit rushed. I thought that the two could get to know each other more before getting married and then having kids. It was a little strange and unrealistic the way you made it go so fast, so I had deducted three points.

total - 49.5/70 --> 71% --> C

comments

Hello! Thanks for being patient. So, about this score, everyone has a different opinion, and this is just mine. Lots of people enjoyed your story, I can tell, and you deserve to have those supporters. Please remember my tips for the future because I don't want to make you feel bad about your story. I do this to help you improve! ^_^ I do hope this helped at least in the slightest way. Please remember to comment and credit and leave your feedback if you like!

Me: Thank you so much for giving an honest review :) Thank you for really pointing out the

errors ^.^ really thankful... I will try and improve my writing in near future ^.^

Reviewed by Monarchy ♛ Open