"Himchan hyung is awake" Youngjae then said once again.   The three of us went running towards the recovery room, my thought are running in every direction.  Happy, relieved and sad at the same time.   Happy that Himchan finally waken up after a long rest,  relieved that he was alright after all the bruised and cuts that he took from my father and sad, because...he did that because of me.   I suddenly stop running, not knowing why, but deep inside my heart that I don't have a face to show to Himchan.  After all that he'd been thru, just because of me.  Yongguk suddenly stop as well, when he noticed that I wasn't behind him, he look at Youngjae but just let the boy run towards where Himchan was.   Yongguk went back, as he was, he found me standing near the clinic where everyone is gathered.  "Ailee, what are you doing there? Don't you want to see Himchan?" he asked as he reached where I was.  I didn't look at him, my eyes is looking behind the window where I can see Himchan lying down with his eyes open.  Everyone seems happy, that he finally woke up.  I do too, but deep inside, there is something that is stopping me from revealing myself to him.   "Ailee? are you ok?" Yongguk once again asked me, that suddenly I came back to my senses, I look at Yongguk, with eyes that is almost misty, the tears that I can't control suddenly fell down my cheeks.  Yongguk's expression shows concerne, "why are you crying? Himchan is alived, Ailee-ssi" he then said, assuring me with kindness in his tone.  

I shook my head, not because of what Yongguk said, it's because, in my mind, the thought of Himchan fighting my father because of our love suddenly hit me deeper than I thought.   "Yongguk, do you think that he will forgive me?" I asked, Yongguk knotted his brows.  Not knowing what I meant by what I said, "What do you mean? Did you commit some sins that Himchan can't forgive you? " he then said, assuring that I was in my right mind.  I shook my head as a reply, "If that's the case then, there is no reason for you to feel burden, Ailee" he then said, "But...but he fight my father because of me, Yongguk, because he wanted to prove to my father that he loved me, and that's why I don't know if I can show myself to him" I then said on the point of giving up.  "And do you think that he will let you go away, just because of what happened?  Ailee, if you loved Himchan, you will do the same thing for him.  And if you are giving up on fighting for what you believed in then I don't have any reason to train you anymore" Yongguk then said, as he was about to turn around and leaved me standing.  I hold on to his wrist, stopping him from leaving.  "Your right, Yongguk, I can't give up just because of what happened, I do believed that fighting for what is right is the right thing to do, don't worry, I will be alright" I then said as I smile timid at him.  Yongguk somewhat didn't buy on what I said, he then place his arm crossed his chest.  I gulp, knowing that he was in his leader position.   "I don't believe you, you have to prove to yourself that you can do it, Ailee" is all Yongguk said,  as he was looking deeper in my eyes.   

Silence is deafying both me and Yongguk, I couldn't say any words as he was looking at me with a serious stare.  Please, Yongguk, let it go already...why is this so awkward? I'm not used at him looking at me like that? I feel like dying... I thought, as he was looking at me.  I wanted this to be over and just let Yongguk off my back for once.  I know that he was helping me get better at things but at time's like this, I don't need anyone.  "There you two are...What are you guys doing in here? Everyone is waiting" Youngjae broke the silence that made Yongguk and I turn our heads at the direction where the voice was heard, to see Youngjae with a confused face while looking at us.  Yongguk turn around without saying any word, while I on the other hand had my head down looking at the floor at my feet.  I don't wanna meet Youngjae's eyes for that matter.  He always know something is not right.  "Noona, are you alright?" he then asked as he was walking beside me.  Tears suddenly fell on my eyes, that Youngjae noticed this. "Noona, are you crying? please don't cry, whatever Yongguk hyung said to you, I'm sure he didn't mean it" he then said.  I shook my head, "It's not that...wait, you heard what he said to me earlier?" I asked, Youngjae smiled his cutest smile, "ani, I didn't even know what you guys are talking about, but why are you sad, noona?" he then asked.  I let out a long sigh, relief that Youngjae didn't hear what me and Yongguk was talking about.  

Youngjae was so happy that I couldn't tell him what's really bothering me,  instead I lied.  "To be honest, I missed my life back home.  I missed mom and Yuri, Youngjae-ah." Youngjae nodded upon agreeing with me.  But was cut short when I suddenly realized that we reach the clinic where Himchan was. I stop walking upon seeing Himchan was looking straight at me, "Himchan.." I mumble his name, Himchan smiled short when he realized that I saw him.   And without blinking, he turn his gaze towards Jongup whose giving him a glass of water.  "Here you go hyung, flavored water, this is better than coffee, it's good for you" Jongup then said to Himchan that he just smiled, without talking.  Himchan silently took the glass out of Jongup's hand and drink it.  After a while, that I was standing in that corner near the doorway,  i notice in the corner of my eye that Youngjae keep glazing back at me then to Himchan. "Um, noona, do you wanna talk to Himchan hyung or are you just going to stand there?" Jongup asked as he saw me standing next to Youngjae, curious if I ever wanted to talk to him. But instead I face Youngjae and smile, "You know what, I think it's better if he rest for a while, i need to think" is all I said towards Youngjae and Jongup, and turn around to leaving them confused.  Himchan noticed me leaving, but instead of stopping me, or saying anything for that matter, he just stay quiet and let me be. Youngjae scratch the top of his head not knowing what to do despite my hastly action.  

I walk aimelessly at this long hallway of the boys headquarter until i reach for the meadow, yes an indoor meadow,  I feel safe for some reason.  The feeling that nobody is watching my every move is such a relief to me, but as I was admiring the scenery.  I suddenly felt empty, empty that I don't know how or why, just empty.  Something is missing within deep in my heart.  Then all of a sudden, a flashback.  The moment back home, the first meeting with the boys, how life was simple and no worries.  "How I wish those day's still exist" I said to myself.  "But the truth is that, going back is hard, now that I have to defend my kind towards a demon that is unhuman and to make it worst, my own blood. Ailee, what kind of life did you have growing up?" I asked myself.  Hoping that I could find an answer within all this but little did I know that Himchan was behind me on a wheelchair.  Silently watching me as I pout and what not expression I have on, he was smiling, a smile that I loved so much. I can see his reflection in a mirror infront of me,  pretending that I didn't see it.  Himchan silently wheeled himself towards me, my heart suddenly sunk as I watch him.  What have my father done to you Himchan? How much damage did he cost you? I thought, worries shown on my face.  But there is no worries on his face, nothing but pure happiness.  Why? I thought as i cup my face.  "Ailee, I'm glad that you are safe" is what Himchan said, as I uncup my face and was looking at his reflection, little did I knew that tears freely fall on my cheeks.  Not noticing the heartache that was learking deep in my heart.  "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to save you, but I wanted you to know that you are special to me, Ailee" he continues, Your special to me too, Himchan, I thought.  

Tears are now fully covering my eyes as I sob, with the thought of being helpless, I turn around to face him.  Himchan face changed from being happy to concerned, "I'm sorry, Himchan, that father had to do these things to you, are you ok? I was scared for a moment that I won't be able to see you, that I won't had the chance to tell you my feeling....I love you Himchan, I don't think I can lived without you in my life" I said, as I confessed my deepest feelings, pouring all my heart infront of the man I have loved since the very beginning I lay eyes on him.  Himchan smiled widely, upon hearing my confession.  "I'm so happy that you feel that way, Ailee, I never thought that me being hurt like this will make you confessed so fearlessly." he then said, that got me off guard. What did he mean by that? i thought.  "..but the truth is, I was scared too that I never had the chance to see you, my beautiful Ailee, you are the reason why I face your father that day, I wanted to proved to him that my feelings for you are true, but he won't take it, since we are both a different kind...you being the black widow and I as the guardian of light, but that doesn't matter to me, as long we both feel the same way and loved each other,....I love you Ailee, with all my heart" Himchan honestly confessed his deepest feelings.  I turn around after hearing him pour his feelings for me, tears are flowing heavy as I was sobbing hard. My heart feels heavy as I cry out all the guilt that I have been controlling all these time.  And without any thought, my feet suddenly moved towards Himchan as I hug him tightly and just cry.  "Everything will be ok now, now that I'm here, I will always be here for you...loving you, Ailee" Himchan said smiling as he softly caress the back of my head.  A sudden burst of light flashed while me and Himchan are holding on to each other, his wings suddenly appeared, the wings of hope. Himchan is the hope I was waiting for. 

A/N: Hi guy!!!  How have you all been?  Me? I'm swell and breathing. lol.. I'll make this short...today is Jongup's bday...baby is finally 22..yay!!! but anyhow...I hope the boys are all doing well, celebration Jongup's bday.  and I hope that you all have a wonderful day/ night as well. keep reading and thank you for keeping up with me all this time. I love you guys, <3 M ^^