Wow, 20 chapters! The story is far from done, but I want to thank everyone who stuck with it so far. I didn’t ever think I’d have this many subscribers, even though in the AFF world it’s not a huge number, it’s huge for me and it’s very encouraging. Thank you to everyone who commented and voted, and as always, hello to new subscribers!

Source: Kainetic

November 2012

The last few weeks had come with the news that they’d been nominated for several rookie awards. In the wake of their lack of music show wins, the information brings with it not only joy but immense feelings of relief all around. Tons of idol groups debuted every year, some groups and individual members would continue on to successful long-term careers but it was no secret that many did not. This would at least bring them one-step closer to the latter.

They are getting ready for their first large, year-end awards ceremony and Daehyun is looking down at the suit he’s wearing with a pout.

He’s no fashionista, that’s more Himchan or Junhong’s department, but he has some serious reservations about the puff of fur that’s lining his lapels and the strange cut of his tuxedo.

He’s sitting in front of the make-up mirror sighing at his reflection in the mirror when Yongguk sits by him as the others get themselves ready.

He meets the elder’s eyes in the mirror, catching the lift in Yongguk’s mouth and the amusement dancing in his eyes.

“Not a word, hyung.”

Yongguk laughs then, before catching Daehyun’s glare and holding up his hands in apology.

“Sorry. But,” he doesn’t even finish his sentence, just gestures at Daehyun and laughs again.

Daehyun scowls down at himself, “Why me? And everyone’s going to be there. Everyone, hyung!”

“It’s okay,” Yongguk pats Daehyun’s shoulder, “It’s MAMA, there are going to be lots of unique outfits. I doubt we’ll stand out the most. Not when YG’s around.”

“Yeah. And maybe no one will notice… we might not even have to get on stage, right?”

*          *          *

They’ve won.

Not the Rookie Award, but the PD’s Choice, which was still more than they had dared to hope for.

Daehyun can hardly believe it as they rise to applause and make their way to the podium, belatedly thinking about how now everyone would definitely see his ridiculous outfit, even if that didn’t seem to matter anymore. He can’t keep the smile off his face when Yongguk begins his thank you speech, and the rest of B.A.P seems to be in a similar state of disbelieving giddiness.

Backstage is where the emotions begin to really come out. Daehyun puts an arm around Youngjae when the younger vocalist gets choked up, rubbing his friend’s arm comfortingly, as they all smile and revel in the feeling of accomplishment.

Daehyun stares at himself in the bathroom mirror in the aftermath. He feels like he’s in a dream, wants to duck his head under the splash of cold water, make-up be damned, and wake himself up before his five minutes are up and he has to return to his seat.

The room is empty as he dries his hands and makes sure his suit is neat in the full-length mirror before heading to the door. He jumps back as it opens suddenly and Yongguk steps in, leaning on the door behind him and smiling at Daehyun, gummy and contagious.

Daehyun can feel his grin fill his whole face as he looks at the elder.

“You did it, hyung.”

Yongguk’s lips are warm.

Daehyun thinks it’s fine if his make-up is a little messed up, the only eyes he wants on him won’t care either way.

“We did it.”

*          *          *

Their first major award brings with it congratulations and gifts from family, friends, and the company. There is a hearty dinner with a plethora of dishes and a round of speeches and well wishes before they are allowed some rest, a little extra bounce in their steps.

Yongguk and Daehyun aren’t lucky enough to have any more moments without the others around, but being part of an cohabitating idol group constantly in the midst of promotions meant that they were never far from each other either. This was as blissful as it was torturous, though their busy schedule meant neither could dwell too much on it.

Yongguk uses the time to revel in everything new he learns about Daehyun. He’s surprised that there’s still so much to discover; after all the time they all spent together and all the time Yongguk had spent secretly observing the vocalist in particular, but the discoveries are daily.

The way he giggles when Yongguk noses at the tender spot just below his ears. How ticklish he is in general, actually, a fact that Youngjae and Himchan had exploited before, but that Yongguk was now just discovering hands on. The way his face would crease with little whiskers when he laughed, reminding Yongguk of a playful kitten or a mischievous fox cub. He sees that the more Daehyun likes a food, the slower he eats it, taking his time to savour everything.

He notices that sentimental displays make the younger uncomfortable, so he never sticks around to see the results of his good deeds, and he disguises his compliments under teasing and roundabout affection. He sees the way his eyes light up in both admiration and pride when Youngjae sings, Himchan plays the piano or guitar, or Junhong and Jongup dance.  How he curls into Himchan’s space and annoys him just that little bit more when he misses his older brother because the elder’s backhanded affection reminds him of his hyung. How he provokes Manager Kang’s exasperation and gentle chiding when it’s been more than a week since he’s called home and spoken to his parents.

The way Daehyun would be the first to think about bringing him food and drink when he was locked away inside himself and his art. How he would absorb Himchan’s nagging attentions and scolding and look after Jongup and Zelo when it was required of him. Daehyun could be just as much of a nag as Himchan, and he would often grumble at the others, picking up their belongings as he went and complaining about their lack of organization. How he was at once Youngjae’s rival and his biggest fan, showering him with brotherly affection even when Youngjae would shove him away with an embarrassed scowl that concealed his appreciation.

How much, despite his insistence otherwise, he craved physical affection. Youngjae’s arm around his shoulders, their silent sentinel Jongup’s torso leant against his, Junhong tucked into his side, too tall to properly duck under his chin, and instead resting his on Daehyun. Himchan’s always affectionate hands, even his teasing jibes and shoves. Yongguk thinks with a pang of all the times he had shied away from the boy himself. Always there with a comforting arm or hand for the maknaes and Youngjae, but never quite close enough for Daehyun to reach out.

But most of all, Yongguk notices the way Daehyun looks at him, looks to him, and he wonders how he hadn’t seen it earlier. He isn’t convinced he deserves the younger’s devotion, but he wants to be selfish and take it anyway. Because even with the vocalist’s flaws and shortcomings, Daehyun knew and accepted Yongguk’s own, never asking for more than Yongguk was willing to give.

And that was something Yongguk hadn’t had in a long time.

*          *          *

Daehyun believes in love.

He believes in cheesy things like fate, destiny, and the power of friendship. The idea of looking at someone across a crowded room and feeling an unexplainable tug, a need, a yearning. The idea of looking at someone, maybe after a shared movie, a meal, a day spent at the beach, a lazy day in front of the TV, and just knowing. He believes in soul mates, romantic and otherwise. It might be an odd thing for a man of his age living in a world like this one to believe in such things with the conviction that he does, childish maybe, but he’s always been a bit of a romantic at heart.

He doesn’t know if he’s in love.

He hasn’t had much experience with it, doesn’t think what he’d felt for any of the girls he had pursued or dated was really love, not in the big, forever sort of way at least.

What he does know is that this, feels different than anything he’d felt before.

Perhaps it was because they’d had a friendship before they got together, because they had lived in such close quarters for over a year, or because Yongguk was Yongguk; but this feels safe. Comfortable.

Not in the boring sort of way.

He still finds himself flushing when Yongguk smiles at him, excitement coursing through his veins when he catches the elder staring. His pulse goes wild whenever Yongguk is especially close, when he reaches out a hand to clasp the back of his neck affectionately or rest a hand on his back.

No, being with Yongguk is anything but boring.

But it’s comfortable.

Yongguk is flawed. Moody. Too quiet, too slow-and-steady compared to Daehyun’s act-first-think-later attitude. But he’s good. He is reliable and caring, ready to listen without judgement and protect what was important. He’s so amazing, and Daehyun finds himself wanting to be better. Better for Yongguk, better for his friends, his family, for himself.

And Yongguk is beautiful.

He doesn’t see it himself, never has. Always says it’s the make-up, the lighting, high quality cameras and talented photographers. Smoke and mirrors. They are all insecure, in their own ways. Himchan over-compensates, Daehyun deflects. And Yongguk denies.

If Daehyun could, he would show him.

Show him how his smile brightens up a room, unable to conceal its light even when he ducks his head to hide it. How he can walk onto a stage, into a room, and draw everyone’s attention to his quiet confidence. How his hands are the loveliest of instruments.

The intensity of his eyes. The resting pout of his mouth, full lips slightly downturned and soft. The smoothness of his skin, marred only by the little lines that bracketed those lips as they lifted into a grin. The strong expanse of his neck, the sculpted collarbones that framed steady shoulders and the hard lines of his torso.

His compassion.

His artistry and love for all things creative. The way he found beauty in so many things, dark and otherwise, even when others couldn’t. His thirst for knowledge. His intelligence and the way he never made anyone else feel any smaller in the face of it.

His love for so many people. Some he knew, and others he would never meet.

Daehyun doesn’t know if he’s in love, but he thinks the answer isn’t far off.

*          *          *

December 2012

Yongguk hears a knock.

“Come in!”

The door opens and Yongguk briefly looks up from his notes to see Daehyun shuffle in to the studio with a bag of take-out in his hands.

He slides his chair over as Daehyun pulls one up next to him depositing the bags directly in front of the elder. Yongguk grins, recognizing the younger’s wordless demand and begins unpacking the food.

“No kiss hello?”

Yongguk’s joking, mostly, they aren’t one of those couples and Daehyun’s never quite so spontaneous with him, but he can’t say he’d mind if Daehyun took more initiative with him in private.

Daehyun’s cheeks are pink, eyes widening before he catches Yongguk’s amusement and he laughs nervously. He leans in to quickly peck Yongguk’s cheek, soft and innocent.

“Hi, hyung.”

Daehyun refuses to look at him after that, hiding his red face behind the lyrics Yongguk had been working on instead as the elder begins to eat. He begins reading the words, eventually sounding them out with Yongguk’s help.

“You only have one chance you know…”

Yongguk smiles at Daehyun’s cute accent, nodding when the vocalist looks to him for confirmation.

“Do you understand it?”

The younger man shrugs a shoulder, “I mean, I get the gist of it. Is this for a new song?”

“Yeah, for the next album. I think it should be our title track.”

Daehyun’s head shoots up, “But we’ve gone through all the songs we’re going to record already. I’ve never seen this one.”

“I was struggling with it for a while. But I think this song could really be great for us, you know? The producers already have a lot of the composition laid out.”

Yongguk munches on his noodles as he considers the younger reading through the rest of the lyrics. Daehyun looks up to find Yongguk staring critically and shifts nervously.

“What?”

Yongguk grins, an eyebrow raised as he leans forward conspiratorially, “Can you keep a secret?”

Daehyun brightens, nodding and looking at Yongguk with wide eyes, “Of course!”

“I can’t say much, but I will say this…our next MV? If all goes as planned, it’s going to be big.”

The vocalist tilts his head, frowning, “Like…a bigger set?”

“Maybe.”

“Hyung, come on, that doesn’t tell me anything!”

“You’ll just have to wait and find out. But don’t say anything.”

“I have nothing to say!”

They continue to bicker as Yongguk finishes his meal and Daehyun pouts and rambles on about his trustworthiness, accent slightly tipping over into warmer vowels as he goes on.

Before they know it, two hours of animated conversation and comfortable silence has passed and Yongguk thinks yes.

This is it.

Q. The member that Daehyun, who spent days practicing without a cellphone, thinks is “Amazing!” is?

A: Yongguk hyung. Even when our team wasn’t in a good state, he always supported us and led us. Because he puts in a lot of effort, the dongsaengs can continuously believe in him and follow him. I think he’s really amazing because even though he is probably tired, he doesn’t complain and leads us.

- trans. cr; hyejin/neukki @ tumblr | orig. cr; b.a.p’s fancafe |

[About organized Daehyun] He’s the kind of person to think about his whole schedule before planning his day. He always brings everything he might need when traveling. “Before, I used to bring a bunch of things for me to use, but now I bring them thinking the members might need them. But lately some of them take this for granted, (laughs).” But he doesn’t have a lot of luggage. “I always pack my luggage while thinking about space. People who pack carelessly have a lot of luggage”, he laughs bitterly.

- Trans Cr; Julie @ Bapyessir.com

^Proof that Daehyun is the real nagging mother of B.A.P

Not 100% satisfied with this chapter, but I really want to keep this story going steady. Anyway!

Did you guys read the interview where Yongguk said he wanted to form a sub-unit with Daehyun so they could do another duet? Daehyun said something similar, something about a 'Going Crazy Part 2' a little while ago, and how awesome would that be? Then we'd get all the Bangdae interaction we crave as they promote!

*sigh* Dreams.

Thanks for reading!