I hope this is error free. I'll read it again later, but I've gone through it a few times already so hopefully it's fine.

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Youngjae wakes entirely too early. Himchan snores way too much whenever they sleep away from home, and Youngjae has half a mind to throttle Daehyun for subjecting him to the ulzzang’s disturbance. He brushes his teeth and washes up before he changes into some gym clothes and heads to the hotel’s facilities. The gym is empty this time of morning and Youngjae is about to hop on a treadmill when he hears the click of a door and sees a figure head out from the adjoining shower and locker room. He’d recognize that mop of hair and narrow shoulders anywhere and he calls out happily.

“Oi, Damchu!”

Daehyun’s head snaps up and he hastily begins to rub at his face as Youngjae bounds over to his friend.

“Hey, can’t you sleep in for once in your life?” Youngjae laughs and pokes the other’s now solid abdomen, “Trying to make sure I don’t get that six pack before you do?”

Daehyun gives a short laugh, hollow and forced, “Yeah. Can’t let Chubby Cheeks get the jump on me…”

Youngjae frowns at the bland tone and peers at Daehyun’s face. The skin is rubbed raw from scrubbing, not uncommon for Daehyun, but his eyes are equally as red and he sniffs subtly under Youngjae’s eagle eyes. He reaches out and cups his friend’s cheek rubbing at the tender skin just under the singer’s eyes curiously. When Daehyun flinches and steps away from the contact Youngjae’s frown grows.

“Daehyun? Were you crying? What happened?”

“No,” the elder shakes his head hastily, a weak smile in place “No, I’m just sleepy. I slept really late and, you know, the drinks from last night. I’m going to go back upstairs, okay?”

Youngjae grabs his friend’s shoulders and keeps him in place, “You only had two drinks last night, and you left early.”

Daehyun fidgets under Youngjae’s hard look, refusing to meet his eyes. One of Youngjae’s hands comes to rest on the side of Daehyun’s neck, long fingers tilting the face towards him, forcing Daehyun to look at him directly.

“Daehyunnie, if something was wrong, if someone hurt you, you’d tell me right?”

His eyes search Daehyun’s as he trembles. This is his best friend, the boy who had come to mean so much to him, who often teased too much, even as he washed away the sting with his overbearing affection, but Youngjae is standing here ready to fight whatever enemy Daehyun reveals, the same way he knows the elder would for him. Before he knows it, Daehyun’s eyes well and tears cascade down his cheeks. A sound cuts through the silence in the room and Youngjae realizes it’s a choked sob.

His eyes widen and he immediately pulls Daehyun into his arms, rubbing the other man’s back soothingly, at a loss. Daehyun hardly ever cries, not like this, he’s usually the one patting the others on the back or rubbing their arms comfortingly, with a laugh to ease the tension and a joke to distract everyone from the tears.

“Shh, Dae, it’s okay…”

The other singer only seems to cry harder at the nickname and Youngjae holds him tighter, confusion and worry mingling in his mind, “Tell me what’s wrong, Daehyunnie. Please?”

“I want to go home, Jae,” Daehyun whispers against his neck, breath stuttering as he speaks, “I’m so tired, and I want to go home.”

Youngjae frowns; face hidden as his chin rests on Daehyun’s shaking shoulder, as he wonders where this is suddenly coming from. Daehyun doesn’t explain further, despite Youngjae’s prompting, and he lets the older male rest against him until he calms down.

Daehyun’s sobs fade but Youngjae can still feel wetness at the crook of his neck as the other man speaks, voice thin.

“Can we just stay like this? For a bit?”

Youngjae nods and whispers soothing words by Daehyun’s ear, a hand carding through the soft strands of his hair and letting the affection he would normally restrain free.

“Whatever you need.”

*          *          *

They are sitting at a secluded table in the hotel’s restaurant. Daehyun had pulled back from Youngjae after a few minutes, retreating to the bathroom to wash his face and then emerging to proclaim his hunger, acting as though the last ten minutes hadn’t happened.

He's getting good at that.

Youngjae had cautiously followed, deciding to forgo his work out to watch over him and Daehyun hadn’t protested. Youngjae can probably clearly see he is still troubled, eyes cautious even as Daehyun smiles at him across the table and begins chatting like his usual self.

“I can’t believe you wasted that wonderful cake. I couldn’t eat it off my face!”

Youngjae scoffs, “Only because there were people around.”

“Ah, you got me.”

“Yeah…”

Youngjae takes a sip from his glass of juice and peers around the table. There isn’t anyone else in the dining room except an elderly couple and a lone business man in a corner.

“Are you going to tell me what that was about or do I have to call Yongguk-hyung here to force it out of you?”

Daehyun’s hands tighten around his glass until his knuckles are white. Luckily, Youngjae’s eyes are trained on his face and he doesn’t notice. He puts on a smile, not too bright, slightly embarrassed and sheepish, convincing enough without being obviously put upon.

“It’s stupid. I just…it was my first birthday away from home and I just really missed my family and everyone in Busan. And, you know, I’m really happy, too….being here, getting to do what I dreamed about. I just got overwhelmed, I guess. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

Daehyun can tell Youngjae isn’t sure whether to believe him or not. It’s a plausible explanation, they all have their moments even if they break down in different ways, and he tends to get homesick more often than the others because he can’t visit family as often. He has no reason to lie to Youngjae, never had before, but something about the way the younger man is looking at him, as if he is searching for something, makes it clear he isn’t buying Daehyun’s story. Luckily, the younger decides to leave things be for the moment.

“Yeah…sorry, it’s just, it’s never happened like that before. With you.”

Daehyun shrugs, “Guess I was just holding it all in and it kind of…exploded today.”

Youngjae nods slowly, fingers tapping softly at the table as he fidgets slightly, “Hey, you can talk to me, you know? You always have and you always can. No matter what it is. I know we give each other a hard time sometimes, but no one gets to call you a loudmouthed cake hole but me, alright?”

Daehyun’s smile is more genuine this time, “I know. Ditto. Now let’s stop talking about this, I’m embarrassed enough as it is. And…can we keep this between us?”

Youngjae still has his reservations and does want to push further, but as Daehyun digs in to the pile of waffles in front of him, worries seemingly forgotten, he wants to keep the smile on his friend’s face.

“Sure.”

*          *          *

Daehyun is an affectionate person, but Himchan is usually not on the receiving end of his attentions.

Unless Daehyun feels like being a brat, in which case Himchan is likely the only one on the receiving end. Of course, that's just another brand of love for their vocalist. But today is different. Daehyun sits between him and Youngjae on the plane and Youngjae is spoiling the Busan vocal like never before. It's no secret that between the two singers, Daehyun is usually the one showering Youngjae with attention that the younger pretends to find exasperating.

Their roles seem to be flipped now, though Daehyun doesn’t bother to hide his pleasure and Himchan has to admit that seeing Daehyun happily coddled is adorable. It’s enough to make him give in to his own instincts to play mother hen. Daehyun playfully cuddles into his side, in what the elder suspects is a sincere bid for comfort. Head resting on the sub-vocal’s shoulder, Daehyun looks up at him and smiles softly. Himchan silently notes the red around his eyes and the way they seem to go out of their way avoid a certain figure a couple of seats over.

“Himchan-hyung is being so nice to me. I should mark it on my calendar.”

“Shut up, brat,” Himchan replies, no real venom in his voice as he softly cuffs the boy’s cheek, “It’s your birthday soon. I’m just being a good hyung.”

“Hyung doesn’t have to hide the fact that he loves me,” the younger man returns, a spark of his usual cheek lighting up briefly, “It’s very understandable.”

“I do,” Himchan’s response is serious, soft so that no one else hears him, “You know that, right?”

He keeps his eyes on the magazine in front of him, aware of the way Daehyun swallows audibly and blinks rapidly to his side, holding back something Himchan wishes he didn’t have to.

There’s a small laugh after this, faint and not at all real.

“Hyung’s being sappy.”

Himchan pretends not to notice the way Daehyun is cradling Youngjae’s hand in his as he tilts his head briefly until their heads touch, shielding the vocalist on all sides.

“Thank you, hyung.”

*          *          *

Yongguk isn’t surprised to see Daehyun curled up between Himchan and Youngjae on the plane. The singer is like a sunflower in the light when it came to the affection he so craved, somewhat closed off until he got what he needed and flowered under the giver.

He busies himself with a book and stuffs ear buds in and tries to push away the guilt he feels.

Daehyun had come to him, had wanted him.

He clenches his teeth as the rational part of his brain chimes in then, pointing the finger firmly at the weakness of his resolve. He is the hyung, the leader, and more importantly, the one who had decided to break things off. In the face of all that, he owes Daehyun a commitment to his decision and bears the responsibility of preventing the lines from getting blurred and hurting the younger further.

He sneaks a glance at where Daehyun is sitting, sleeping now against a pillow on Youngjae’s shoulder, and hopes he hasn’t made things irrevocably worse.

At the very least, he hopes he can refrain from adding to the damage.

*          *          *

They had returned to the dorm late in the afternoon and had promptly split into small pairings, off to do their own thing to unwind from the concerts and prepare for the final shows in August and their next MV and comeback.

The two vocalists had been squabbling on the couch for the remote earlier, though Yongguk had known very well that both were too exhausted to stay awake long enough to watch much of anything. He’d left them be, deciding to let them tire themselves out. Daehyun and Youngjae are like month old pups, nipping and yapping at each other only to fall asleep in a pile at the end of their play fights.

Sure enough, Yongguk emerges after his shower to find the vocalists knocked out on the sectional, Youngjae’s head resting comfortably against Daehyun’s chest while Daehyun’s cheek is pillowed against the younger’s head. He laughs quietly when he notices Junhong also asleep by their feet; head on the opposite end of the couch with his gangly frame curled up to fit on the cushions, the two vocalist’s legs keeping him secure on the seat and safe from falling off. Maknae always did hate to be left out.

Yongguk doesn’t have the heart to wake them, and decides to let them rest. Any resulting soreness could be dealt with tomorrow, the start of a much needed few days off. He heads to the bedroom where he grabs a couple of Daehyun’s extra blankets to drape over his boys. As he makes sure to cover their feet and exposed arms, he carefully brushes their hair out of their faces, smiling in amusement as they twitch in response, like the rabbits their mascots were. He leaves Youngjae and Junhong, and his hand lingers on Daehyun’s face, thumb soothing the boy’s temple.

He wonders if the bruises had faded, if they hurt. If he’ll ever be forgiven, and if he even deserves to be. He sends a silent apology to the boy, regretful that he could offer no other comfort.

*          *          *

Yongguk is so lost in his greed to drink up the younger’s peaceful image that he doesn’t hear the soft click of their apartment door closing as Himchan enters. The quietness in the dorm and the hour make the ulzzang think everyone has already gone to sleep and he quietly toes off his shoes in the entryway. Making his way into the living room, he stops; seeing Yongguk kneeling by the couch. His soft smile at seeing the dongsaengs curled up in sleep fades slightly when he observes his best friend’s pained expression as his hands tenderly brush Daehyun’s hair one last time before they retreat once again to his side.

Himchan sighs, the sound alerting Yongguk to his presence and causing him to flinch slightly. He can tell the eldest is trying to appear casual, his voice low and curt as he passes Himchan on the way to the shared bedroom.

“Channie. Didn’t realize you were back.”

Himchan frowns and follows, watching as he begins to put away the clothes left out on his bed.

“Yongguk, why do you do this to yourself? To Daehyunnie?”

Yongguk’s hands pause and tighten slightly but he’s quick to resume his actions.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Himchan is angry.

He’s angry because Yongguk is his best friend and is forever playing the martyr, retreating into his psyche and hurting himself in the process. And he’s angry because now Daehyun is hurting, too. Yongguk may be wiser, in some respects, but sometimes Himchan thinks the leader never grew past that reticent child who lived inside his mind, content to hide away in silence.

“You’re an idiot.”

Yongguk looks back at Himchan at those words, face a careful mask of calm.

“A complete idiot. Worst of all, you know you’re being an idiot but you’re too much of an idiot to stop being an idiot.”

Yongguk scoffs, “Again, I don’t know what you think you’re talking about, but remind me to get you a thesaurus for your next birthday.”

Himchan grabs his friend’s shoulder and roughly turns him so he can look straight into Yongguk’s eyes as he speaks.

“I’m not blind or naive. Daehyun looked like a wreck this morning. Youngjae said he found him crying, Yongguk. Daehyun hardly ever cries, never for no reason, and I know the only thing that happened between him leaving the party and waking up the next day is you.”

Yongguk’s jaw tightens. Daehyun had been so blasé about their encounter this morning, had been angry and bitter since Yongguk ended their relationship, but never once had he seen evidence of the younger man’s tears. The thought that Daehyun has been drying them alone and in secret makes Yongguk’s heart clench painfully in his chest. The ache he feels is nothing less than what he deserves for doing what he’s done to the singer, Yongguk thinks, but in his anger at himself and his haste to get away he deflects the blame.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have sent the little lamb to slaughter then. But you won’t have to worry about anything anymore, I’m staying well away.”

He grabs his backpack and wallet, and leaves without another word. 

The color of my heart is black
It was burnt to black, just like that
I break glass whenever I feel like
And I look at my bloody hands and think, why am I like this 

Your smile is shining gold
But the way you speak, feel so cold
As time goes by, you’re becoming more like me
Sometimes I feel like karma is running after me

The real name of love is definitely hatred
Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair
Why didn’t I know that the shadow that has casted over my face
Was created from the light called, you

- Black, G-Dragon

"Seeing the kids asleep when I come back from work is the most beautiful thing in the world" - Yongguk (Deleted tweet.)

trans. cr; anna @ baptrans

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