Coming up with chapter titles for a story this long is getting really hard...

Thanks to everyone who commented, voted, and subscribed! You guys are my motivation~

Btw, here's my first Himdae one-shot, for those interested!

It was so hard to try and choose which pictures to include, with all the lovely fansign shots.

This chapter feels a little disjointed to me, but hopefully it's alright... If you follow me on tumblr, you know why I chose to include the specific interview excerpt that I did for this particular chapter.

February 2013

For the first week after Himchan’s surgery, he stays with his parents at their house. The ulzzang hadn’t been particularly fond of the idea, but with the dorm being cramped and more empty than not, it’s not the most comfortable place to heal.

The others are too busy to dwell on his absence too much, and the feeling of incompleteness comes to them at odd times: expecting to hear Himchan’s laugh and getting silence, wondering where those wandering hands were before they remember, the absence of the sound of fingers drumming absently on any available surface to some rhythm in the visual’s head.

It’s hard on all of them, but Yongguk feels it the most. Daehyun can understand, imagining what it would be like for him if Youngjae weren’t around, and though he does his best to pick up where the visual had left off as Yongguk’s second in command, it’s not the same. Yongguk still views him as a dongsaeng, someone to be taken care of, and not a partner – at least as far as their working relationship went.

So they all do their best to leave his plate as clear as possible. They’re not trouble makers, never have been, but they make things as easy for the eldest as they can, never making Yongguk repeat himself and listening keener than they ever have.

Daehyun leans against the wall of their practice room, sweat running down his neck as he drinks from a bottle of cool water.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Youngjae speaks from his side, “I’m not good enough to pull double duty.”

They have been going over the new formation for hours, no major differences for most of them except for the younger vocalist who had been given Himchan’s parts.

“Yeah you are, Jae. It’s just…we’re all just a little stressed right now, but it’ll be fine. Think of how bad it must be for hyung right now.”

Youngjae sighs then nodding contemplatively, “You’re right. I’m selfish…I miss him being here, and even though I know it’s best for him if he stays at home right now, I want him here. I want him to nag me and make fun of my selcas.”

“We’re all selfish that way. But, he’ll be back soon. Another week maybe and Yonggukie-hyung says he might come back to the dorms. He’ll be at all the signings, too.”

"Eh, you really are such a mom sometimes, " Youngjae smiles softly, "Himchan would be proud."

Youngjae is called away by their manager then, Junhong and Jongup by his side, and they leave for the night after Daehyun informs them he’ll go back later with Yongguk.

The elder is sitting in a corner of the room, going over their schedule with a pen between his teeth and a frown on his face.

“You don’t have to do it all alone, you know,” Daehyun pulls up a chair beside him, “Youngjae pretty much has the schedule memorized, and I practically do everyone’s packing for them already. Junhong and Jongup are smart kids.”

“I know.”

Yongguk leans back into the chair and slides an arm around Daehyun’s shoulders, slender fingers brushing the younger man’s ear and neck as he sighs.

“I feel bad. We’ve only gone to see him once and texting’s just…it’s not enough.”

“I’m sure Himchan-hyung understands.”

They don’t remain too long after that, meeting with managers and staff to talk about the next couple of weeks and then they catch a ride back to an uncharacteristically quiet dorm.

*          *          *

Their first appearance without their sub-vocal is Jongup’s graduation ceremony. Himchan is doing well, they stop by his house before the event and he sends them off with his nagging and promises to tell him everything. It makes their smiles come a little more easily in front of the cameras, a little more genuine.

Back at the dorm, the youngest are giggling over something on their computer screens as Daehyun stirs a pot of ramen in the kitchen. The singer frowns at the way they peek at him and giggle even louder.

“Yah, what’s with you guys?”

Junhong innocently grins, “Hyungs look married.”

That catches Daehyun’s attention.

“What?”

Jongup turns the screen towards him and he blinks at the image, a photo of them at Jongup’s graduation ceremony, he and Yongguk up front and a bouquet in his hands as they turn towards each other.

Youngjae cackles to the side, “It’s like you’re the young lover and Yongguk-hyung is the old business man and you’re getting married at the courthouse on a sunny afternoon!”

A deep baritone answers the younger vocalist’s observation.

“Who are you calling old, kid?”

Yongguk shuffles into the room and leans towards the screen, eyeing the image before grinning slightly.

“Cute.”

He movies to Daehyun’s side and discreetly pinches the younger’s hip behind the counter and Daehyun jumps slightly, taking the chance to glare at the leader when the younger three remain oblivious.

Later that week, they go back to visit Himchan at his parents’ house.

When the others head downstairs to see if Mrs. Kim needs help with dinner (all had decided Daehyun was best kept away from cooking food), Himchan catches up with the vocalist.

Himchan doesn’t complain about Daehyun taking up the remaining space on his bed and curling up there like a puppy, because it’s Daehyun’s way of saying he missed him and Himchan likes to feel needed more than he’ll admit.

“You guys did well.”

Himchan says it with a smile, but there’s something unnatural about it and Daehyun can see something is bothering the elder.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Daehyunnie.”

Daehyun looks up from his spot, nudging against the elder’s good hand with his head until Himchan gives in with a chuckle and combs through the soft hair, smile turning genuine. The elder relaxes as he does so and Daehyun can’t help but feel a little like a therapy dog. He hums softly at the soothing sensation before returning to the topic at hand.

“Don’t lie to me, hyung. What is it?”

Himchan doesn’t speak right away, but when he does there is guilt in his tone.

“Just. You guys are doing really well. Not that I don’t want you to, but…if I didn’t know something was missing, I…wouldn’t have been able to tell.”

It becomes clear then and this time it’s Daehyun’s turn to feel guilty. They had been so focused on covering Himchan’s parts seamlessly, forgetting what that might look like to the ulzzang.

“Oh…hyung, that’s,” Daehyun purses his lips as he tries to explain, “It’s like seasoning…like salt!”

Himchan rolls his eyes, “Daehyun-ah, really-”

“No listen, it’s like…if you never had salt before and you were just eating food without it, you wouldn’t know right? You’d just think that was fine and good, but people who knew what it was like with it, they’d know and they’d miss it and want it back, and then if you finally tried for the first time, you’d be like- you know, wow I wish I had this all along.”

Himchan grins and scratches at Daehyun’s scalp as the singer smiles widely up at him, evidently proud of his analogy.

“You’re so ridiculous, God. But…thanks.”

They stay like that, Daehyun sleepily resting with his head by Himchan’s thigh and the elder’s hand absently through his hair as he watches the TV that had been set up in his room.

Footsteps sound from the hallway and Yongguk walks through the open door, smiling softly at Daehyun now slumbering soundly on the bed at Himchan’s side.

Himchan looks away from the TV, following Yongguk’s tender eyes. They can hear the maknaes and Youngjae downstairs, watching a baseball game with Himchan’s father as they await dinner, Himchan’s mother evidently having shooed them out of the kitchen.

“You must all be so tired,” the ulzzang says, brushing a thumb across one of the vocalist’s brows, “You didn’t have to come see me, I know you’re busy.”

Yongguk nods, “You’re right. But we wanted to. We all miss you.”

He grips Himchan’s shoulder as the younger man tries to hide his pleased smile, reaching down at the same time to shake Daehyun awake.

“Up, Daehyun-ah. Let’s go downstairs.”

“Mmm,” Daehyun murmurs groggily, “ ‘Kay Guk…”

Himchan raises a brow at the name and Yongguk tamps down the desire to smile and the vocalist’s cheek affectionately and pinches the soft skin instead before Daehyun says anything more revealing.

“Ow!”

Daehyun sits up with a wounded pout, holding his cheek as his two hyungs laugh at him, and they all head down to where Himchan’s parents have prepared dinner. For a moment, as six simple boys hanging out at a friend’s house, the pressures of idol life fade.

*          *          *

When Himchan eventually does return to the dorm, he’s plagued by boredom as the others leave every morning, only to return late in the evening, barely awake. Youngjae is the only one with enough will power to keep himself awake long enough to provide some company, but Himchan shoos him to bed when the drooping of his eyes and the stifled yawns begin to make him feel bad.

Realizing that Himchan wouldn’t be able to participate fully in their first concert is heartbreaking for them all, but it’s too late to reschedule the event.

Yongguk and Daehyun are in the studio, running over their acoustic rearrangement of ‘I Remember’ quickly before the stage rehearsals the next day. Daehyun smiles down at the sheet music with a reminiscent expression.

“When I came up with this that one day, I never thought I’d be singing it on stage.”

Yongguk grins back as they gather their things to head to the gym before finally returning to the dorm. Youngjae and Daehyun had begun to join him there, though they did more fooling around than actual exercise. Still, Daehyun’s slender figure was beginning to feel a little more solid under his hands and the competitive spirit the vocalists brought to the sessions helped keep him motivated.

It's that motivation, along with all their hard work, that makes sure their first concert is as amazing as they'd ever imagined.

March 2013

Fansigns were always a unique experience, as unique as the variety of fans that came out to greet them.

It could be very tiring, having to sit in one place for hours at a time, and definitely a little hard on your dominate hand, but it was also the most they got to interact with their fans. Now, especially, they look forward to them, because it’s the only time Himchan joins them during One Shot promotions.

Daehyun is happily seated between Youngjae and Yongguk, the best spot in the line-up as far as he’s concerned. Youngjae’s presence is relaxing and fun, as always, and Yongguk is a steady weight at his other side, grounding and safe.

Broadcasts were going well, with the leader and vocalist bouncing well off each other during backstage interviews and management is as pleased as they can be in the face of Himchan’s accident.

They don’t speak too much during the singings, and Daehyun is almost glad for this, already worried if his face showed anything more than polite interest whenever Yongguk did lean over and whisper into his ear.

They stay in a hotel between their fan signs in the southern cities; the drive back to Seoul isn’t worth the effort when they will only have to return the next day. A year into debut, they decide to do a room swap to keep things interesting and by some amazing of luck, Yongguk ends up with Daehyun.  

Daehyun is lounging on his stomach on one of the beds, propped up on his elbows and hair still wet, when Yongguk returns from talking to their managers.

The elder peeks over Daehyun’s shoulder, chuckling lightly when he sees an amusing picture from Yongnam’s instagram.

Daehyun tosses a grin back, “I wanted to compare. You look really different.”

Yongguk undoes his cuffs and leaves his watch on the side table before joining Daehyun on the bed.

“Really?”

Daehyun shrugs, “I mean, for twins yeah. It’s neat, isn’t it? Like, how even with the same DNA your lives have shaped you differently. It just goes to show how much we carry our experiences with us.”

Yongguk stares at him for a long moment. For someone who didn’t know better, it was easy to think that Daehyun was all shine and no substance. A pretty face, a pretty voice, bubbly and babbling half the time. He wonders if the younger resents it, wonders if he even considers it because had never been one to examine such things too closely, he just was who he was, for better or worse.  Daehyun squirms under the gaze.

“What? Was that stupid? Forget I said anything-”

Yongguk grins, slow and unbearably fond, “No. No, Dae, that…you’re really something.”

Daehyun’s ears are reddening as he looks away before changing the topic.

“You know, we never really got to celebrate after the concert…” Daehyun keeps his eyes on his phone, but tilts his head to bump against Yongguk’s, “Alone?”

Yongguk breathes in the sweet scent lingering on Daehyun’s damp hair, turning to look at the younger man, head propped on one hand. He rests the other hand in Daehyun’s hair, scratching lightly at the scalp before running his palm down between the vocalist’s shoulder blades and to the small of his back. Daehyun’s body lifts minutely, chasing after Yongguk’s touch, and the elder sighs and plants a chaste kiss on the younger’s temple before he stands.

Daehyun frowns and flops onto his back as Yongguk walks towards the window and stares out at the landscape, voice rough when he speaks.

“You should go to bed.”

Yongguk draws the curtains shut and turns around.

It’s a mistake.

Daehyun has rolled to his side, head resting on an arm laid out flat against the rumpled duvet, and his top rises slightly to leave a strip of tan skin exposed. Dropping back to his front, he makes a little show of getting comfortable, bottom lifting teasingly as he snuggles into the sheets. The red in his cheeks tells Yongguk he knows exactly what kind of image he’s presenting, but he stubbornly persists.

“You should join me.”

“Dae…”

“Hyung~”

Daehyun returns as he sits up and slides off the bed. Yongguk’s arms accept him into his warm hold, and Daehyun looks up with sparkling eyes before he breaks the eye contact and tucks himself against Yongguk’s neck.

Daehyun is still shy with him in odd ways, never looking him the eyes for too long, never touching his face, never vying for attention the way he does with the others. But it’s in the vocalist’s nature to seek out affection and Yongguk indulges them in private to his and the younger’s heart’s content.

They had talked about this, awkward conversations when they had a moment in private that mainly consisted of Daehyun shyly asking Yongguk embarrassing questions, and Yongguk doing his best to answer them accurately.

Daehyun’s hands rest on Yongguk’s hips, face nuzzling into his neck as he attempts to convince the elder, “We might not have another chance like this…not for a long while.”

Yongguk tilts his head away weakly, “We probably shouldn’t.”

“You want to.”

“But-”

“I want to.”

Daehyun pauses and looks nervous for a moment but then he takes a deep breath and walks Yongguk backwards until the elder falls onto the bed, seated near the edge. Daehyun crawls into his lap, and grabs the leader’s shirt, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Yongguk smiles against the vocalist’s mouth and wraps his arms securely around the younger man’s waist, pulling their bodies impossibly close. Daehyun retreats after a minute and swallows, lips shiny and swollen and eyes alight.

“I’m ready. Now, hyung.”

Source

"You spoke about your members on stage earlier this year and described Daehyun as “sensitive”, which was interesting as he comes across as noisy and fun more than sensitive. Who is the Daehyun that we haven't yet seen? 

Bang Yongguk: Daehyun is an irreplaceable, talented vocalist. On camera he's very upbeat and cheeky so people think he's noisy and playful but that's not all of his personality. Daehyun matured early, he's someone who'd care for those around him by giving everything and trusting completely. Although he has a tender heart, when he acts strong I feel proud but also sympathetic. Daehyun doesn't like to appear weak so this sensitive side of him may only be seen by us but with our support I hope he'll be as strong as his powerful voice."

- Backstage with B.A.P | Dazed  

Just a heads up: Okay, so, the next chapter will be pretty much Rated M top to bottom (haha, get it? sorry). My style of writing such things might not be as explicit as you're used to on this site, so even if you avoid M rated stuff it might be alright, but because of the content I will be rating it M anyway. Since this story started out pretty PG-13, you don't have to read the next chapter if you don't want to, you won't miss any important plot stuff. 

Thanks for reading!