Kangin        Cha Noah          Chohwa's Mother        Yesung           Albert

 

My neck aches oh my god. You can predict that I couldn't sleep comfortably, none of the 5 in the tent could. We were already crammed as is with Robert. Now that Robert, definitely, would sleep beside me, one of us was extra. There was one who should go sleep in SeungWon oppa's tent. No matter how we tried to coax Noah to go join his dad he didn't listen. HaeBum pretended not to hear so we got squeezed in the tent.

 

Dream on!! She wanted me out so she can sleep comfortably with Mr. Bold. Not on my dead body.

 

I didn't sleep a wink. I didn't even try to. I was trying to analyse the situation. Something was obviously wrong. Chohwa definitely likes me. Everyone sees that but why does she keep denying it? She's not the type of person to deceive herself. So why? Why did she start a relationship with hyung at all? I couldn't understand anything. So complicated!!

 

After breakfast, Robert and I were punished and had to wash the dishes because we left last night's gathering without permission. We were sitting on the bank and chatting:

- Your actor-crush is going to give me hell.

- Don't worry. This is the last day. He won't follow us to the dorm

- You sound down

- Well

- You're not even nagging about his nickname!!

- Not that you've said anything wrong

- Wow!! So he's still your actor-crush?

He shouldn't have started the topic

- Bob, you know what, I just can't get used to having him close. The moment I feel him close I go oh-my-god. You know how crazy I go and I start shaking and my mind goes blank and my heart starts throbbing and I feel like a total idiot.

- And then you go: hold me tight

I cracked up. Only Rob understands my heart!!

- Kiss me hard

- Oppa!! Oh!!

We creased up. That was hilarious. We were laughing our heart out when someone coughed.

No !! Don't tell me someone is behind us!! Don't tell me someone has overheard our chat.

I slowly turned around and Cha SeungWon oppa was staring at me smiling.

my life!! my stupid life!! Why does someone have to always overhear me why???

I tried to act cool and indifferent though I knew I shook like crazy

- Oppa!!

- So that's how you see me?

Screw it!!

- What are you talking about oppa?

- You know the hold-me-tight and kiss-me-hard Oh oppa thing!!

Damn it!! Let me die... let me just jump in this creek and drown.

- Oppa … about that…

- It's ok… I'm that hot I make people shake like a wet cat when I get close to them

Jesus Christ!!

Then he lent against me and I felt my heart bursting out

- What will happen to you now I wonder!!

What will happen to me? I'll just cut my wrist and die, ok?

Oppa walked away and Robert pretended to fan me

- Are you ok?

- No. I'm ing not ok

- You looked so adorable just now

- BOB!!!!

 

- Are you sure you don't want to call and ask about her?

My husband asked me as I watched the episode. She was lost in the mountains and they carried her back after getting stung by a scorpion. I was freaked out of my wits but I was sure she'd be fine. She managed so well without me for the last 10 years. The guys around her seemed to care a lot. She'd be just fine

- No I'm ok. She'll be fine

- But darling!!

- Not yet. I can't face her yet. I'm just worried because of her father. He's not the type to let her travel on her own, much less to Korea and to shoot a show. Even if she forced her way out, he wouldn't let her be

- That's why you should meet her

- Not yet… not yet

   

I was learning some Mandarin from Zhoumi oppa after lunch by the creek. We were given an hour break and I asked MiMi oppa to teach me some basics...

I wish I didn't!!

- Listen dear, in Mandarin Chinese, there are four tones. Each syllable in isolation (e.g. ma) has its tone, and the same syllables with different tones can mean different things. For example, mā with the first tone means 'mum', má with the second tone 'linen', mǎ with the third tone means 'horse' and mà with the fourth tone 'to swear'. The first tone, represented by ¯ , is high but remains level. The second tone, represented by ´, goes up and is abrupt (raise your eyebrows while saying it). The third tone, represented by ˇ, is a falling-rising tone (drop your chin onto your neck and raise it again). The fourth tone, represented by ˋ, is a falling tone (stomp your foot gently). Now repeat after me…

Heol!! Oppa are you serious???

I repeated. I thought I gave oppa hell but he said I was doing well.

- Hăo

- Neeeeee???

He cracked a laugh. Oh my god he's so adorable

- Hăo means good. Repeat after me. Remember it's falling-rising tone

A fact about me; the only courses that I had a hard time in in college where related to phonetics... Falling-rising again???

 - Hăo

- Hăo

I repeated it. Oppa laughed again.

- What's wrong?

- I just said you're good

I'll end up jumping in the creek today I swear!!

- Ready for a new word?

Please don't!!

- Sure

- Xìexie. Pronounce it as ''sh'' is sheep.

- So it sounds like "shye-she''?

- Well done. And I bet you know what it means!!

- Yes sir. It means thank you.

- A question now. Ok?

Oppa don't you see you're too excited?!

- Nĭ shuō Yīngwén ma? Do you speak English?

- Neee??? Oppa oppa hold on hold on. Take it easy ok

I thought oppa would suffocate of so much laughing.

- Ok ok.. repeat slowly: Nĭ

- Nĭ

- Great …  shuō

- Why is it written differently?? Ok.. shuō

-   Yīngwén

- Yīngwén

- ma

- ma

- Easy, right?

I threw him an angry look and he laughed his head off again. I must've looked that funny.

We wrapped up the lesson and I went to see how Bob was doing when my eyes fell on him standing beside Kangin facing Yesung. The atmosphere was tense. No way they would be fighting right?

I paced to them. When I arrived they were suspiciously quiet. I caught blood on the mouth of each of Bob and Kangin. My mind went blank and I thought of nothing.

- Wait. I can predict that Kangin and Rob fought if they were facing each other but to see them standing BY each other facing Yesung is a mystery to me. What the hell is going on?

 

/Half an hour ago/

What should I do to secure Chohwa's heart? Even after last night's incident I'm still insecure... I have to do something.

I was thus meditating when Mr. Soul-mate strolled to where I was.

- Hey Fake-crush

- What have you just called me?

- Why? Shall I say it in Korean, Fake-crush?

- What is that supposed to mean?

That guy was getting on my nerves

- It means literally what it says: fake crush

- And what is that supposed to mean?

He pouted, scanned me from head to toe then smirked. I hated him.

- I don't know if you're stupid or pretending to be and both are unpleasant in Chohwa's situation. Do you really don't get this situation?

- What situation?

- This is exactly why I don't communicate with others; they make me talk a lot. I hope you're smart enough to know I love Chohwa

- But?

- But I gave developing a love relationship with her up. Why? Because I don't want to lose her. I wish I was her lover but since I know I can't be I'd rather be her best friend; the one she confides to. I'd rather be always by her side, be the shoulder she leans on, the one she trusts the most and the refuge she runs to. I can live without being her lover but I can't live without being by her side.

What on Earth is he trying to say?

- And what does this have to do with me?

- With this love, why do you think I gave her up?

I couldn't help but ask:

- Why?

- Because there's someone in her heart. There's someone that nobody no matter how great he is can push aside. There's someone I simply can't compete with, not because he's better than I, not in the least. But because she just sees him.

I felt that Dr. Andrew was the one speaking and I saw what was coming.

- And that person is not you.

The pain in my chest felt like needles. It just hurt there, a lot.

- So?

- So will you step aside please?

- Why would I?

- Because Chohwa is hurting. Because Chohwa won't even realise her love for that person as long as you're standing in the middle blocking the view!

- I'll keep blocking the view then

- Don't you understand? She loves him. She just loves him. He was the one to make her come here ok? Everything she did for the past 5 years was because of him. Because of him she didn't end up jumping out of the roof 5 years ago ok??

What the heck was he talking about??

- I've been with her for all these years and I know. Don't you get it? She likes you yes. Your voice healed her. Andrew used your voice in the sessions. You're her doctor; her medicine, but not her love. Can't you be content with that like I did and step aside? Can't you?

He has to shut up. If he keeps talking I'll just go crazy. I felt my hand clenching in a fist and I punched him with all my pain. His mouth bled.

 

- What is Yesung hyung and Robert doing there?

I asked myself. The atmosphere didn't look good. As I was about to reach them hyung punched Robert on the face so hard Robert's mouth bled. I couldn't believe my eyes. Not even once in all these years did hyung pick a fight. He never used violence. I ran to them.

- Hyung. What are you doing for god's sake?

- Move

- Hyung

And I stood between him and Robert

- I said move!!

No way!! This pain in my jaw wouldn't be possibly because hyung hit me!! Hyung would never punch me on the face!! He would never!!

 

The one I didn't want to see the most in the world at that moment was Kangin so why did he appear? Why on Earth would he appear when I was barely sane why??

 

- So will you explain the situation or should I just interpret?

They were silent

- Who hit who?

- I hit both

That couldn't be Yesung oppa's voice!!

- What?

- I hit both I said

- And why the heck would you do that?

He didn't reply

- Why did you hit them?

Again no reply. I felt like going crazy. Judging from their silence I knew it had to do with me. I bowed to Rob and Kangin and apologised.

- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

 

She bowed and apologised on my behalf. Because of me she had to apologise. I wished I could die that very instant.

 

It hurt. You don't really go apologise on people's behalf. You only take the blame for the people you're very close with. I hated that.

 

- Go now

I addressed Yesung under my breath. He was shocked he didn't react.

- I said go now

- I don't want to

- Oppa!! Chebal!! Please!! I beg of you!! Before you see me going crazy get out of my face!! Please

 

The tender eyes were scarlet red and the caring tone was angry. I realised that I lost the last chance that evening.

 

I brought the first-aid kit and put ointment on their cuts. I didn't ask any questions. I finished and followed Yesung.

He was sitting alone under a tree.

- What happened?

- Nothing

- Oh really? Because of nothing the guy who had never lift a finger against anyone would hit two guys at once?

- Chohwa

- What. happened?

He held me by the shoulders too tightly it hurt

- That friend of yours kept insisting that you're not mine and I couldn't take it

What was Rob doing for the devil's sake?

- Where's the problem?

His hands fell and he stared at me in disbelief.

- But you're mine!!

- I'm not. I'm not yours and I'm nobody's. I'm mine. And let me tell you something. You made a huge mistake today. You used the phrase I hate the most in the world. You sound like Father now

I walked away and my heart was ripping apart.

 

I

Totally

Lost

Her

 

- So what I'm telling you is that I need a new writer, someone who knows languages and is talented and hard-working!! Wait, I need another copy of Park Chohwa!!

- Ed, where do you want me to find such a person? Now that you have Kangta and Chohwa you're getting too greedy. If I found such person, I'd keep them.

- Albert, my best friend, please. Do you know how hard it is to work without those two? Even before the show, the two would go on tasks together or stick their heads together in the office. It's suffocating to work with only the crackers here. I need a Park Chohwa

- Then why don't you ask Chohwa? She might know someone. You know, birds of feather.

- Oh right. I'll ask her tomorrow. Thank you. You're the best

Edward must have lost his mind, totally

 

We headed back to the dorm. I sat on the window seat, put my headset on and stared blankly out of the window. I was messing things up. Because of me Yesung oppa was scarred and Rob and Kangin got a beating. I felt the tears running down my cheeks. I covered my face with my cap and cried myself to sleep.

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