I opened my eyes to the face of Kangin. He was sitting by the bedside and his head leaning on the bed.

It must have been hard sleeping that way!!

His hand was holding mine. I couldn't even meditate that because my head hurt like hell and I reeked of alcohol. I gently pulled my hand and went to take a shower.

Who brought me home last night? Kangin? And I was blind drunk and all? Damn me!!

I finished the shower and Kangin was no longer in the room.

 

I was watching her sleeping when she woke up. I pretended to sleep. She gently pulled her hand and went into the toilet. I thought getting out then would be less embarrassing.

 

I must have caused some fuss last night but I wasn't sure what that was. I walked into the living room. HaeBum sat me down on the sofa and Yesung brought me a bowl of porridge. I was taken aback. He acted like nothing happened:

- Here eat this. You'll feel better

- Who made this?

I asked Donghae

- Hyung did, Yesung hyung

I smiled. So that was Yesung oppa's apology!! Apology accepted.

 

I was fixing myself some coffee when Rob whispered from behind:

- What on Earth has happened? You never drink outside alone!!

- I met mom

I replied without turning my back. Rob didn't say a word

 

I should've expected that. I should've seen that coming. Chohwa is not ok. I have to call Andrew

- Hello

- Your call has come sooner than expected. Enjoying Korea?

- Dr.

- What's wrong?

- Chohwa met her mom last night

Andrew was silent for some moments. He was the one who knew the most what that meant.

- Rob

- Yes?

- I need to see Chohwa

- She won't see you now

- Then you have to make her. Invent an opportunity. You know better how serious this is

I have to make that happen.

 

I was chatting with Henry when the director announced:

- Chohwa, Kangin, Yesung and Sungmin; you know what today is, right?

Damn it I forgot!!

- At four you'll perform the song in front of Mouse Rabbit. It'll be streaming live so you better do it right.

I stared at the floor. I wasn't so sure we'd be able to do it right. I was thus thinking when Yesung oppa clapped and gathered our attention:

- Cha!! We need to do a great job today. Shall we rehearse?

Oppa!! This is scarier. Get angry instead please!!

 

Hyung!!

 

I won't be a pain in the neck again. I'll do what Robert said; to be in her life even if not as her lover. Thought it hurt like hell and it felt like my heart was being squeezed, I still wore a poker face and tried.

 

We rehearsed. The rehearsal was better than ever. Seems like Yesung oppa decided to accept matters as they were.

But why did it hurt more?

 

I didn't sleep at all. Chohwa's face kept accusing me. She wasn't alright. She didn't move on and I kept lying to myself all these years that she was strong and she'd move on. She was so hurt and she hated me. There was nothing I could do about it.

 

As we were getting ready for the performance I caught Yesung's eyes. My hands started trembling. He walked to me with a smile on his face and I shook even more. He held my face in his hands and said:

- I just want to be by your side. Let's do well in the performance.

I stood numb.

How could I hurt that guy? What did I do for the devil's sake??

 

As the music started filling the place, people started to gather. Kangin and Yesung walked first and stood behind the microphones. Jay and I followed with our guitars and Sungmin just observed his work.

I was so nervous. It was my first time doing a street performance, I was a beginner in the electric guitar and it was LIVE. I wasn't able to hold the guitar right when Kangin oppa turned to me.

- Chohwa!!

I'm already nervous damn it!!

- 나 널 믿어. I believe in you

His words were like a pacemaker. My heart started beating regularly and the shiver was gone.

So Kangin was my pacemaker!!

 

Yesung was the best beyond compare. I struggled not to join the audience and listen to him. Kangin's voice matched oddly and it was such an awesome combination. Jay oppa and I had the fun of our life behind them. It was the best performance ever.

As we finished the song, people were filling the place. They started shouting: encore!! Encore!!

We were consulting each other whether to have another song or not when a voice started singing:

Come on hold my hand I wanna contact the living.

We turned to the voice of Siwon walking to us followed by the other guys. The audience cried. They went crazy.

- What are you doing here?

I asked Donghae.

- Why? You want to have all the live time by yourself!

Siwon danced towards me and we sang together:

I just wanna feel real love feel the home that I live in coz I got so much life running through my veins.

As if Robbie Williams was having a concert in Seoul. The audience was following SuJu members' claps and cheers and singing along.

 

Ryeowook then chanted One Fine Spring Day. The audience did the hand waves and the mood calmed.

I was enjoying oppa's morphine-like voice. I nicknamed him morphine because his voice was the most effective pain killer. A bottle of water suddenly popped out in front of my face. I looked to my right and it was Kangin. I took the bottle.

- You were awesome

Butterflies again!! Why are there so many butterflies around?

- Thank you

- Seriously

- Ok. Oh!! Isn't this music? SeungRi's Strong Baby? But…

But Seungri jumped out of nowhere and danced his way to me and offered his hand. I was pulled suddenly to the dance floor. The audience literally went crazy. If you watched the MV you'd know, it's no innocent dance.

For me it was so natural. It was SeungRi I was dancing with. It was like dancing alone. But I realised later that it wasn't the way people saw it.

When SeungRi promoted the song back when it was released he would add a kiss now and then so when the song ended people shouted:

Kiss kiss!!

SeungRi was holding my chin. I was smiling

- Dare you!!

- Why? We're friends

- I know that much. I don't think you'd like to face Kangin who's staring hard now

SeungRi spun me once and let go. He was a wise guy.

 

People called Kyuhyun to sing. He stepped forward:

- I want Chohwa to choose a song. I'll sing it for her

The audience clapped

- Oppa, sing Kim YeonJi's In My Eyes

He smirked. It was no easy song, but hearing it from Kyuhyun made it even better.

 

We sang few more songs. As we agreed to wrap up because it was getting tiring for us, though the audience was continuously enjoying it, Yesung oppa took the microphone.

- I want you to call after me please

What was he doing?

- Kangin ho ho

The audience cheered. Kangin oppa stepped forward.

- Chohwa ho ho

What on Earth is Yesung planning to do?

I stepped forward. Yesung held both our arms. His hand was shaking.

- Shall we listen to a song from this year's most gorgeous couple?

People cried and cheered. I was numb.

That was the most painful moment in my entire life. It hurt so much the tears froze. I could say nothing.

 

That was the most painful moment in my entire life. It hurt so much the tears froze. I could say nothing.

 

 That was the most painful moment in my entire life. It hurt so much the tears froze. I could say nothing.

 

I managed to look at Yesung who only nodded. Kangin took my hand and whispered:

- Let's at least do this for him.

We sang A Goose's Dream. My hand was in Kangin oppa's. My heart was scattered to the floor and my existence looked so blurry. I was singing the song that always gave me strength, holding the hand of the person who always gave me strength and feeling extremely fragile.

 

The reviews skyrocketed. KangHwa's fans were so happy. YeHwa's shippers applauded Yesung's chivalry. The director was so pleased. I ran into Mouse Rabbit and fell into shivering fit.

 

I shouldn't have worried so much. She's doing fine. The cut on her face must be really ok since they let her perform live like this.

How I wish I could've seen her growing up to be this awesome!

 

- Are you going to spend the evening here?

Kyuhyun found me sitting on the floor shivering

- Oppa!

- Everyone's waiting for you. Yesung hyung is trying this hard. You should try a bit as well.

- Mmm I will

- Wait

- What's wrong?

- Everyone's having dinner at Pierre Gagnaire Seoul. Don't tell me you're going there with this rock outfit!

I looked at him stupidly.

- You know the Fairy Godmother; the one who transformed Cinderella

I nodded

- I'll be your Fairy Godmother for tonight. Follow me

Was that Kyuhyun oppa really??

 We entered some clothing shop that looked really extravagant. Oppa was skimming through the dresses, shaking his head, considering then shaking his head again. I was numbly following him.  

Must be Numb Day today!!

He kept doing that until he spotted a dress and cried:

-YES!!

It was a blue prom dress. I didn't argue. I simply put it on. Oppa lead me to the hairdresser. Oppa lead me out of the hairdresser. Oppa drove to the restaurant. I said nothing.

I walked in arm in arm with Kyuhyun oppa. Everyone was waiting.

 

She walked in as gracefully as I saw her on our first dinner together. My heart beat just as quick but it was pain that accompanied it, not excitement or love but stabbing pain.

 

A goddess walked in. we were waiting for a woman but a goddess came in. Breathing exercises had some use after all.

 

Here comes my angel.

 

I quietly sat down. I was too lifeless to strike any conversation. We quietly ordered and we quietly had dinner. After dinner Yesung oppa cleared his throat and gathered our attention:

- As you might have already guessed, I've decided to step aside. Hanging on to something impossible will only make it harder. As long as I'm by Chohwa's side it doesn't matter what I am. I'm so sorry about the childish actions I did. I'm so sorry about the pain I inflicted. I'm so sorry about all the inconveniences.

 

Oppa was hurting so much. Oppa was crying inside. I could hear the sobs echo in his soul. I could see the tears behind the assuring smile. I could see it all and I sat there like some statue.

 

I said nothing. I left clutching onto Rob's sleeve. I pretended to sleep in the car. I kept holding Rob and didn't let go. I slept on his chest. Robert was the only mother I had.

******************