Special Chapter

The moment Doyoung found out about his illness made him depressed. The light of the sun is no longer bright, the air becomes humid, suffocating him, and lastly, he was lost. 

 

His dream is to become a singer. Not really an idol but a soloist. He likes to sing and participate in a school contest and became part of the vocal/music club in middle school. Gong Myung as a supported brother encourages Doyoung to sing, listen to his practice, and provide him comments that can help him to improve. Doyoung loves his brother so much that even though he was diagnosed with an unknown disease Gong still agreed when he had been offered by SM Ent. 

 

"It's been years Doyoung, Do you think you can handle debuting?" Doyoung gasps, after his weekly schedule in the hospital he was called to go to the conference room with the management and be surprised by the news that he was one of the trainees that will debut in group NCT. Doyoung eyes widened, tears spotted in the corner of his eyes, bewildered by the sudden news. 

 

 

"I can!" He quickly answered. He was alone but still, his enthusiasm was written all over his face. He almost cries with glee after hearing that he will debut! Not a soloist but a group! OH MY GOD!

 

--

Doyoung has a very hard time debuting. Schedules, vocal training, dance practice, attending music studios, etc. He was dying from exhaustion and one moment that Taeyong realized that he was sick because of overworking Doyoung stopped his stubbornness. 

 

"I told you to drink your vitamins and sleep at least 5 hours a day Doyoung!" Dr. Jin scolded him, one of his weekly check-ups. "You're low! Do you think you can continue to perform with this condition?" The tension between them only widened when Doyoung's nose started to bleed. Dr. Jin sighs and shakes his head. Doyoung became worse. 

 

--

It started with leg cramps, Doyoung thought that because of hours of practicing but after realizing his condition is getting worst, Doyoung was informed that if he did not tone down his workload, he will not make it- meaning, Doyoung will force a break and the company isn't considerate enough with idols that just debuted and has no big fan base yet. Doyoung will screw his group. 

--

"I'm glad that after three days of forcing him to take a break Doyoung is finally healthy again." Gong Myung commented. Eyes sparkling gazing at his brother pouting. 

 

"Aren't we clear that you needed rest, Mr. Kim?" Doyoung nodded in defeat and thank his doctor. Gong Myung shows a small smile patting his little brother. 

 

It's been downhill sometimes, he gets sick often when Doyoung has a busy schedule and he forgets to sleep. One time they have an annual event and the NCT members have an award. 

 

"How are you feeling, Doyoung?" His manager hyung asks him. He wears an expensive black suit with his hair carefully aligned and clear make-up, ready for the red carpet later. 

 

Doyoung tears fell from the corner of his eyes, his nose started to bleed without mercy. He exhaled but only felt tight in his chest. 

 

"Why... Why now? The members are looking forward to-." Doyoung started to cough as he inhaled the air with the smell of blood. His manager handed him wet tissues and helped him to clean his face, not minding the smudged make-up ruining the hard work of the make-up artist. Doyoung feels guilty about it.

 

"Doyoung-ah... Let's go back." Manager hyung mutters. Patting him in sympathy. 

 

Doyoung shakes his head. Tears in his eyes while he gripped the car lock like it was his lifeline. 

 

Doyoung is alone with his manager in the parking lot of the venue. He was delayed and let s go without him. Their leader had been calling him but Doyoung ignored the phone call. Taeyong realized that one of the members was still not in the venue. He thought that they only used different cars as Doyoung texted him that he was on his way. 

 

Since this afternoon Doyoung has been dizzy. They have an intense practice first in the morning until exhaustion stands on his door waving incredulously, notifying him to stop. But Doyoung continues his limit because the award shows and they will perform live. 

 

"Doyoung... You can't, You're so pale!" Manager hyung mutters frowning. 

 

"Hyung... Just give me the tablets. I'm fine just... I can't do this to the members." Doyoung manages to speak after wiping the blood in his jaw. 

 

"You know that it can make you sleepy. What if you faint?" Manager Hyung asked him in concern. 

 

"I can handle it, hyung. I will flee after receiving the award and finishing the performance. I can't quit right now hyung!" Doyoung eyes are full of determination, his chest is beating erratically adding the nervousness and pain from his condition. 

 

"Doyoung-ah..." 

 

It takes them twenty minutes to make sure that Doyoung gathers his strength. The blood stopped and luckily his manager made sure that his suit did not ruin but his makeup was already washed out to his cheeks. 

 

"I have a foundation and lip balm. I think it can make a remedy, your face is pale already, it won't take notice later." Manager Hyung said as Doyoung nodded his head. He was in a daze already. He was thankful that his medicine is effective but Doyoung needs more willpower to go through the night without exposing his secret. 

--

 

The night is deep already and Doyoung is sleepy. He hears s happily talk about the award they receive, They are in the waiting room and the event is finally finished. The loud cheers are all over the room but Doyoung is already seated at the corner with his eyes dropping with drowsiness and feeling sleepy. 

 

Taeyong and the members notice Doyoung's silence. They thought about teasing him but Johnny sees looking pale and tired lying his head on the corner sofa of the waiting room. 

 

"Doie is sleeping," Taeil says, lowering his voice. Soft expression while staring at the younger male. 

 

"He looks sick to me," Yuta mutters and tries to come to Doyoung, sleeping peacefully. 

"I'm worried. He was late on the red carpet and he also looked like about to faint while performing." Taeyong argues in a small voice. 

 

"Do you think Doyoung hyung is sick? I sometimes see him pale and I once see him vomiting in the bathroom..." Jaehyun said after a while, not sure what tune he uses while staring at s. 

 

"I also notice his irregular sleep," Yuta mutters. 

The group comes in silence. They never ask Doyoung about it because they respected his privacy but after living with Doyoung for years... They learn many things from him. His habits, his likes, his temper, and many more but there are always days when they think that something is troubling him and they hinted more of assisting Doyoung. Johnny witnesses it while Taeyong on the other side trusts his best friend, believing him. 

 

"I think we should carry him to the car," Taeil suggests sighing after breaking the awkward silence.

 

"Yeah, it's for the best."

 

Taeyong has careless Doyoung hair, afraid that he accidentally wakes up the younger. 

 

"I will take care of him." Manager hyung said smiling at them, nodding at Taeyong and asking him for help to piggyback ride Doyoung.

 

"I will go first." 

 

The members are silent. Taeil narrowed his gaze, feeling the tension in his chest. A feeling of something that is slipping in his hands while looking at the member slowly vanishing from his sight. 

 

They all got distracted by Haechan's loud voice and some of the members talked about something. Taeil manages to frown while feeling uneasy, he smiles when the member talks to him but he feels that he forgot something important like ignoring the fact and letting himself stay at the corner. Taeil shook his head and forced the negative feeling after letting go of Doyoung. 

 

 

The next day, they received news of three days break from the management. 

 

Doyoung was not home.