A/N: This was written in Hana's POV.

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“Hana.” I heard a voice urging me “Hana, wake up.”

“No.” I mumbled. I didn’t want to wake up, it was peaceful and I was tired. But I felt someone shaking me over and over until I opened my eyes.

“What-” I opened my eyes “Mom?”

I was horribly confused. Where was I and why was my biological mother standing above me? She had been dead since I was five, and suddenly she’s alive again? What kind of twisted dream is this?! I squeezed my eyes shut. I just needed to sleep some more and then I’ll wake up and Umma and Appa will be there just down the hall.

“Hana, open your eyes sweetie. You need to get up.” My dream mother said.

“No. This is just some sick dream!” I shouted.

“Hana,  this isn’t a dream. Just think.” She urged me.

I thought, and suddenly I was hit with a wall of memories. I was playing with Yixing in the road, we were riding our bikes around smiling and laughing. All of the sudden I heard Luhan shouting at me to look out in Chinese. I remembered looking up, confused. I remembered the silver suburban barrelling at me, going far too fast and showing no signs of slowing down. I remember trying to move but my legs wouldn’t listen to me, I was glued to the ground. I remembered the pain as the hood hit me, and briefly seeing the face of the woman that visited us during of Christmas and that Appa had kicked out. Then it all went black, I no long felt or remembered anything after that.

“What...what’s going on.” I asked getting up to look my mother in the face.

“You’re almost dead, sweetie.” She said with sad eyes.

“I’m WHAT?!” I shouted shocked.

“You’re not quite dead, but you’re no where near alive either.” She told me, looking me in the eyes.

“But..but...Umma...and...Appa. They need me.” I whispered.

“I know, trust me I know.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I was sent to help you make a decision.” She said matter-of-factly.

“A decision?” I questioned.

“Yes, you have a choice to make.”

“Wait, are you saying I have to decide whether or not I’m going to live or die?!”

“Yes.”

“What kind of question is that?!” I looked at her like she had lost her mind.

“Not a simple one. Look at yourself.”

Suddenly the empty white space I was standing in transformed. I was now in a hospital room filled with people.

“Umma!” I shouted, my eyes immediately going to him.

It was then that I really took in the situation. Standing on my right side was Uncle Taemin with Uncle Minho behind him, hands on his shoulders. Uncle Taemin’s head was hung and I saw tears falling from behind his hair. On the other side, clutching my hand was Umma, and Appa was standing next to him, smoothing my hair. Both of them also cried silently, holding each other’s free hands. Standing by the foot of my bed was Uncle Onew, he was staring at nothing, waging an internal war. By the door was Uncle Daesung and Uncle Taeyang, Uncle Daesung was sobbing and Uncle Taeyang was trying to comfort him. By the window was Uncle T.O.P. and Uncle Jiyong both we crying and Uncle T.O.P. was hugging Uncle Jiyong. Uncle Seungri was standing next to Uncle Onew, tears streaming silently down his face.

“What...what...is this?!” I turned to my biological mother.
“Your hospital room.” She said, her eyes never leaving Umma and Appa “You just got out of surgery. You have very severe injuries.”

“How bad?” I was afraid to ask.

“Bad enough to kill you.” She turned back to me “But that’s your choice right now.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” She looked genuinely confused.

“Why is it my choice whether or not to die?!” I cried.

“Because you deserve to choose. This wasn’t how you were supposed to go.” She said sadly and continued, “That doesn’t happen for quite a while.”

“I can’t die. I’m too young, look at me!” I gestured to myself. Not the one in the bed, just to me, the one talking “I’m way too young!”

“Honey, you haven’t see yourself yet have you?” She said guiding me to the closest mirror. I gasped at what I saw.

I looked like I was anywhere between 16 and 20. I had long brown hair that cascaded to my chest, which was, developed. I was no longer a stick, I had a chest and waist and hips that I never had before. I was taller than I was now, my eyes were line with black which brought out the natural color, and my lips were soft pink. It was startling at the least. But I looked pretty which made me happy. I had three lobe piercings and one industrial piercing per ear. I’m sure that did not go over well Umma but he was in no place to judge, seeing that he had nearly eight piercings. I smiled when I saw them, wagging my head around to watch the crosses swing around.

“Why do I look like this?” I finally asked.
“All children look like this.” She explained “It’s so you all don’t look sadly young when you die. Everyone deserves a long life, but in cases like yours, they get cut short and you never get to experience things as you should, and you don’t get to see yourself as you get older. It’s like God’s gift to you.”

“So because I’m pretty much dead, I get to see myself as a teen?”

“Pretty much.” She said a small smile on her face. “Your Umma and Appa would’ve loved to see you like this, you’re so pretty.”

“Thank you.” I blushed a little at the compliment “I don’t see why they can’t though. I’ll just wake up when I decide to live right?”

“Yes, but you have to think a little more in advance than that.” She said.

“What?”

“Well, if you were to wake up, what would happen?”

“I’d get better and everything would go back to normal?”

“No, that’s the problem.” She walked over to my body “Think about this; do you see how badly you’re hurt?” I nodded “When you wake up, you’ll have serious brain damage. You won’t be able to walk anymore because of it. You’re speech will be seriously limited and it’ll be hard for you to keep a thought straight. Your damaged lung will make your stamina significantly worse than it already is, and you will be entire reliant on your parents for the rest of their lives.” She sighed before looking back at me.

“Are you sure?” I stood looking at her dumbfounded.

“Yes.”

“And if I choose to die?” I asked, scared of her answer.

“You will go quietly and peacefully. I can even make sure that no one is there when you pass if you’d like.” She said looking at me with honest eyes.

“You can do that?”

“Yes. But before you decide, maybe you should talk to your parents.”

“How?”

“Well, they just fell asleep. Visit their dreams sweetie.”

“I can do that?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Just walk over to one of them and touch their shoulder and you’ll be in their dreams.”

“Okay?”

“Go ahead, try it.”

I walked over to Umma, who still held my hand and had his head laying on the sheets. I touched his shoulder and felt myself being pulled into something. Suddenly I was in some weird garden. Just ahead of my was Umma, standing with a small child in his arms. I instantly recognized the memory. It was the time Umma and Appa had taken me to go see the big park by the Han River, the flowers were beautiful. My memory was a lot less detail seeing as I was five at the time, but still just as beautiful. Suddenly the child dissipated from Umma’s arms and he fell to his knees sobbing my name. I took that as my cue to approach him.

“Umma?” I whispered scared that he would break if I talked any louder.

“Hana!” He gasped and in a matter of milliseconds he had risen and was facing me. His face was a mix of shock and relief.

“Umma, are you okay?”

“When did you get so big?” He asked me still surprised. I had forgotten for a moment that I wasn’t seven anymore. Or at least I didn’t look like I was seven.

“Um, long story.” I rubbed the back of my neck before I was pulled into a crushing hug.

“Honey, I was so worried!” He cried into my hair.

“Umma, wait. I’m not actually alive. I’m just...a part of your dream.”

“Please, don’t say that.” He cried.

“Umma, I met my mother just a few minutes.” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him.

“You what?” He pulled back shock written all over his face.

“I met her. She was sent to see me.” I looked up into his eyes.

“See you?”

“Yeah it’s a long story….”

“Start talking young lady. I don’t care how old you are, you still don’t get to hide stuff from us.” He scolded me which just resulted in me smiling. I’m glad he didn’t change under pressure.

“I can’t. I’m not really allowed to.” I didn’t know this for sure but I got the feeling I wasn’t supposed to mention much about my situation.

“Young lady…”

“Hello Kibum.” I heard my mother say behind me, Umma’s wide eyes confirmed this.

“Alice…” He said in disbelief.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?” Umma just nodded his head “I never thought we’d meet again while you were still alive. But it seems we have. Thank you for taking such good care of Hana. She has turned out beautifully and I appreciate all the love and care you’ve given her. I’ve been watching from heaven since I passed. Both my husband and I have.” She gave him a kind smile.

“You’re welcome.” Umma clutched me closer as he whispered his response.

“Don’t worry Kibum, she’s safe.”

“Yes, with me. She’s not leaving me!”

“Umma, please don’t do this. We don’t know this for sure.” I whimpered to him.

“Yes we do, you’re not going anywhere.” He said stubbornly.

“Umma, please.”

“You are not leaving me!”

“Umma, I can’t promise that.”

“Yes you can!”

“No, I can’t. Nothing is set in stone. But I will promise that I won’t leave you unless I know you can be okay without me.”

“Which will be never!” He practically yelled.
“Umma…”

“It’s time to go now, Hana.” My mother said sternly but softly at the same time.

“I love you, Umma!” I cried into his chest.

“Oh Hana, I love you too. I’ve loved you since before I knew you existed and I will love you even past the day that I die. But you will not leave me! Understand?” He took my head in his hands and I nodded. Umma kissed my forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and nose. “Wow, my baby is so beautiful. Not that I ever doubted that you were going to be stunning but I...wow.” He said smiling at me.

“Thank you, Umma.” I smiled at him, kissing him. “Umma, will you tell Appa that I love him too?”

“Of course I will. But you need to wake up and tell him that yourself you sill girl!”

“I know Umma.” I said taking a step back. It pained me to leave him, I always hated being away from my Umma and Appa, but this felt so….finite. As if this was the last time. I felt tears run down my cheeks, I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. I couldn’t be away from them!

“I love you!” I cried as I saw him fade away.

Once again, I was in the white box I had woken up in. The only people were my mother and I. It felt so empty and I felt so burdened. I knew what was coming next but I just couldn’t bear to hear the question, let alone give an answer. I knew what would happen if I said I wanted to live; I would never be the same as I was before, never able to do anything on my own again. But if I were to die I would be leaving all those people in the room and the others that couldn’t be in there at that moment. I couldn’t decide. I didn’t want to be dependent on my parents, but I knew that if I were to die, I would be taking away every hope and dream they ever had. Not only for me but for themselves. They had always told me when I felt insecure how badly they wanted me, how they chose to have me, and how happy they were that they had me. They told me that nothing anyone or I could ever say or do would make them not love me. That they couldn’t wait to see me grow up, go to college, get a boyfriend or girlfriend (Appa always grumbled something under his breath when Umma would say this and Umma would elbow him in the gut when he did that) and eventually  have my own home.

This was such an impossible decision to make. I couldn’t stop imagining all the things I would be taking away from Umma and Appa, and of course, all my uncles, aunts, friends, and grandparents. I also couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like having to care for me the rest of their lives. I know Umma and Appa would never dare complain about it and would always be there for me, but how fair was it to them for me to do that, just because I was scared to die. I was scared to take away everything from them, and yet at the same time, I was afraid to live. I was at an impasse. That’s when I heard my Appa’s voice echo in the white walls of the box I was in.

“Hana, I don’t know if you can hear me but it’s Appa. I just had to tell you something while no one else could hear.” He paused for a moment “I just….I wanted to say that I know you’re having a battle inside yourself right now. I don’t know how, but I just do. Father’s instinct maybe? I also know that you’re trying to decide whether or not to stay with us. I can’t tell you what’s the right decision for that. I don’t think there is one really. I know it’s hard baby, I know you don’t want to leave us, but I also understand why you would leave us if you did.” He started to cry “I can’t say that I want you to go, because that would be a lie, but what I want more than anything in this world, is for you to be at peace. I don’t want you to suffer because of us and what we want.” He took a minute to pause his voice cracking with pain “I need you to know that whatever you decide is okay.” He took another deep breath, trying to get ahold of his emotions.

I felt hot tears running down my face, when I looked up from the floor, my mother was looking up a sad expression on her face. She seemed to somehow know what he was going through. She looked as though she completely understood why he was saying what he was.

“I guess what I’m getting at is; even though I want you to stay that’s what I want. I can’t be selfish. Please don’t think of us, I want you to be selfish right now baby. I know we tell you not to be that way, but this time I’m telling you to be as selfish as you want to be.  If you need to leave, then you need to go. I may not understand why you had to leave, but I trust you. I know you wouldn’t leave unless you had a reason. I know you love us, I never questioned that, and I hope you never doubted our love for you.” He took another deep breath. “Even as hard as this is for me to say, if you need to go, then you should go. I won’t make you stay, I want for you to make the decision that’s best for you.

“I won’t be angry with you, I promise. I will be sad, but I wouldn’t want you here unless you truly wanted to be here. You have some reason, I know you do, and I know you’re having a hard time deciding whether you want to stay. That’s why I’m telling you all this. Its okay if you go. I promise I will always love you, even if you choose to go. I will love you until the end of time. No matter what. Besides, Umma and Appa are getting old right? If you go, you won’t have to wait too long for us to come join you. And you’ll be with you biological parents in the meantime. That’s a plus right? See, no matter what you do, you’ll always have someone with you. I love you baby girl, nothing’s ever going to change that.”

For the first time that night, I felt peaceful. My Appa’s words broke my heart, but incredulously, they healed it too. I couldn’t begin to imagine how hard it must’ve been for my Appa to say all this. I knew it must be breaking his heart to have to tell his princess to leave him. I don’t think I could’ve ever been that selfless.

“Thank you.” I whispered, tears still flowing down my cheeks. I knew he couldn’t hear me but I had to thank him. He was the only one who would ever say something like that to me or to any child.

It was then that I knew what I had to do. It was hard deciding whether or not I wanted to stay with my parents, but after hearing my father be so selfless I knew I had to be selfless too. How could I destroy their hopes and dreams? It wasn’t fair to them, my uncles and aunts who were constantly with me, and to myself if I ruined those for them. With my newly found confidence, I straightened my back and looked my mother in the eyes.

“I know what to do now.”

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A/N:

T______T Omg this chapter!! It just killed me when I was writing this chapter. The fight between Key and Jonghyun was NOTHING compared to how hard this was for me to write. The little speech that Jonghyun gave at the end was what did it for me. I broke down into full blown tears when I wrote this (E/N: You should've seen me! I was like DYING over here, I had to remove my makeup to prevent black rivers to go down my face). I just, I don't even know where that speech came from. I just sat down to write it, and it just came out. It kinda repeats itself, I know (E/N: I actually left it that way because there was something about the way he repeated himself that made it feel so real. Like normal people don't have this perfect speech planned out for if their kid is waging a "should-I-stay-or-should-I-die" war inside themselves. No, they're gonna repeat the thing they think are important to them. Trust me, I've been there -not with my own kid, I'm not even 20 yet but, with a friend- and you keep repeating yourself over and over again because you can't remember  if you said what you wanted to say).

So, the next chapter is in the process of being edited one last time before we post it! I'm excited to see what you guys think about this chapter in particular. It's the most emotional chapter for me to write so I'm curious on how well I did. (E/N: It had me balling like an idiot, if that makes anyone feel any better).

PICTA SPAM!

<------me writting this chapter

(E/N: I CAN'T TAKE THIS SADDNESS ANYMORE! PLEASE ENJOY THIS FUNNY GIF)