Love. The most beautiful and yet, the most poisonous flower that ever existed. It doesn’t grow on our country’s lands and that’s not because the climate would be inappropriate but because God designed it to blossom only inside of us. Instead of water, we feed it with hopes and expectations which will eventually lead us to disappointment and pain. Why? Because you can’t hold such a beautiful flower and not get stung at least once by her colossal thorns.

Once you get stung, there is no way back…That merciless pain will constrict your heart to the point that you would rather prefer to be dead than alive. That’s how the thorns of this exceedingly rare flower feel like.

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced that kind of pain on my own skin as there was a time when I fell in love too. It was a really long time ago but, I remember everything just as if it was yesterday…

• • •

My brother closed the distance between us and steadied his voice before he handed me the luggage. ‘’Is this the only way?’’ He asked on a bitter-sweet tone before his fingers clenched together into his fist. 

I studied each movement of his body with a great interest. His hands were shaking but his face didn't sketch any gesture. 

I ignored the question and peeked over his shoulder just to see my mother for the last time. She reluctantly buried her face into a tissue and started to cry. I tried to hold back my tears but, I could no longer be strong in front of her painful sobs. She was reliving the same scene that broke her heart a few years ago when my brother left home to become an idol. The situation was totally different now. I wasn't leaving Korea to pursuit my dream but, to escape from it. After countless tries, I've realized that the only chance to forget everything was to be far away from him. I was still possessed by the memories of him and haunted by his flawless smile.

''Study well.'' Bobby's voice pummelled softly before he inched closer and kissed my forehead. 

''Thank you.'' I managed to stutter out before the tears blurt out down my cheeks. I wasn't thanking him for the encouragement but, for the fact that he kept the true reason behind my sudden decision of going back to States hidden from our parents. They believed I was doing it for the sake of my studies when in fact, I was doing it for myself. 

We hope that falling in love with someone will cure our heart's darkest voids but, what we don't know is that the so-called cure is actually the illness itself.  My love for Hanbin was destructive. He was the sketching and I became the architect of my own destruction. 

I tried to step closer forward and hug my mother but my body froze in place. The tears continued to spill down my face even worse than before. I felt the muscles of my chin tremble and something else boiling inside my body. 

''Mother, forgive your weak daughter. I promise to return back home as soon as my heart will stop aching because of him.''

I cleared my throat, wiped the tears away from my cheeks and placed both of my hands on her shoulders.''I am only a few hours away from you. I will come home during the holidays.'' Her body continued to tremble under my touch as the sobs wouldn't stop dripping down her chin. 

Her long delicate fingers slowly reached the right side of her pocket, pulling out one her favorite books. She used to read it when I was only eight years old. I could still reconstruct the image of her sitting in the old armchair, covered by a blanket and reading that book during the cold days of winter. I sobbed inside unceasingly before my hand clutched around the book.

Her red eyes fixed me with a sorrowful gaze. ''Come back soon.'' 

That's the only thing she managed to say before I started to walk away, leaving everything behind me. My house, my family, my happiness, my tears, my struggle, my friends and... my Hanbin. The pain came in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. I wiped the tears with my sleeve but, in less than a few seconds my cheeks became a ramp for them once again. 

''Are you alright?'' asked concerned the old man who was there to check my documents.

''Yes. Thank you.'' I stuttered through sobs and handed him the tickets and the passport.

''Have a good flight and don't be sad. Everything in this life is a passerby.'' He was right, everything in this life is a passerby and all I could do in that moment was to be a bystander and a victim of my own fate. 

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